Eyes still smile from cheeks

People say college life can be stressful, it can also be stressful.

Life is getting more and more colourful.

I find this statement so true to me. MCKL is a Christian college. I'm really grateful that I'm studying and spending one year of my life in this college. 

Well, it's not an emotional time now. So, yea. I think a lot, recently. My brain can't stop thinking. I think about how people interact with each other. How people really get resonance through some of the topics.

Smile. 

Credits to my professional photographer. 

I smile everyday, even to the college guards. I really respect the guards. Imagine you have to stand and walk around to a place again and again to make sure everyone is safe. I partially understand how they feel, because I felt this while protecting my group balloon from being popped in the camp. The adrenaline level in my blood increased and made me stayed in the condition of flight and fight. For the guards, they have to do that everyday. Salute! 

About how amazing things in the world have happened, I tell you, I encountered this. Brickfields street is where I always walk on, in order to go to my college. The mixture of touching, joy, fear and scared can really be seen on this road. 

On the first day of being a student in MCKL, my sis and I went to NU central from MCKL. Both of us really made the effort of going NU central just for a lunch. We had our bags on our shoulders, started all the way from MCKL. There were a lot of crossing roads, therefore, we tended to wait for the red man turned green. Well, there were this group of students from MCKL too. Well, red man turned green. All of us crossed the road. I was too selfish to see what happened in ( on? Haha English is too bad ) the surroundings. My sis crossed the road. But I couldn't find her. I looked and looked. Just realised she was with a guy!

A guy with a stick. He wasn't able to see clearly. At that point, I knew he was blessed to be the really physically unique one. So, I walked towards them. I asked Emily what had happened. Well, then I knew the guy was lost, couldn't get back to the blind organisation opposite my college. He was really lost. He just stood there and no one guided him. He is lost! Emily spoke English to him but he wasn't able to speak English fluently, but just two three words once. Thank God, sis and I speak Chinese. So, we switched. Yes, we got what he meant, because he spoke Chinese! 

We guided him back to the blind organization, through some really weird conversation. Funny thing was that sis did a lot of gestures to ask him where he wanted to go. I was like, HE CAN'T SEE, I spoke to myself in my heart, hoping that sis understand. Well, at last, we managed to send him back. This was a really good experience.

It's kind of cool how the physically blessed people ( like the guy ) have the bravery to walk without seeing anything. They have this little faith in their heart of which non of you who is reading this can fully understand. Well, this includes me too! The way the guy trusted my sis and I, I really salute. I can't really believe that how, people nowadays, can't really trust people around them, and yet this blessed fellow trusted us. In my heart, the guiltiness level rises, because I'm always too focused on my own, on what I want to do, on my life goals. 

We are born with different abilities. 

We are in different circumstances.

We have to help each other.

To be more united.

To share the love and joy.

Elisa Jean O

Refreshment

I just came back from my Youth Fellowship in church.

What I learnt today is that I have to have little time with God. Probably do devotion. Well, I have a little remorseful feeling in my heart. Tons of stress are being put on my shoulders, I barely get up and run to the goal of my life. This is so exhausted.

In church, I met new friends. Most of them are older than me, because I just upgraded my fellowship. All new faces with great big smiles, I smile to them too. Most of them are from University of Malaya and Masha. Well, I met my classmates too.

Imagine you are in a church where you have been growing up at. You were in this church when you were in primary school, secondary school and college. I'm pretty sure this position is a weird position. Being the new one in MYF ( Methodist Youth Fellowship ), I ain't scared of anything. It is just that the feeling is weird. I was a secretary during my MIW time, and now I'm the youngest in the same church of different fellowship. I can't help being quiet before the worship starts. Because during MIW time, I'm always the one who gives help to the ushers and does the cleaning up. I mean MIW and MYF are having the same place for gathering.

It's kind of mixture feeling of which I can't really write out in a proper and sequence way. I'm sorry for what I've just typed out.

I type when I feel lonely.

But I'm not lonely right now.

So, I decide to let myself to have a quiet time.

Typing all the words out, just to be like what I used to be.

I used to be a sad and melancholic person.

Then, now I realised, I've changed.

I'm too emotional but not melancholic.

Elisa

Regular

Things go well in college.

Truly, I've never thought that I could mix ( just a little mixing ) around with my classmates. Well, maybe not long stories with them but just a few words of chit chating. To me, words spoken from my mouth aren't the best way to show the feeling I have, but the words I typed out in this blog maybe about to deliver all I want to deliver. ( Sorry for my bad English, I'm working hard for it )

In fact you don't know, I just came back from my Orientation Camp yesterday. It was a 3 days 2 nights camp. People kept asking me about the camp, and all I said was GOOD.

I wonder how true the GOOD is. Obviously, things never go on the path that named GOOD. Life is like a x to the power of z equation. X can be any number you like and z can be any number you dislike. Well, to me the z is never less than 3. Ups and downs are all I can to briefly describe my life now.

Last Friday afternoon, was a real hot afternoon. I sweated a lot in my college though I was just wearing an Adidas T-shirt which my eldest sister bought for me in Labuan. I didn't plan to wear that Adidas tee that morning but seemed my twin wanted to wear the same as mine, so we both wore the same. That was how it worked that day.

Being a twin is a super normal thing to me. I'm not going to emphasis on how lovely or how difficult to be like a twin, because I'm still a human.

For sure, a twin like people asking about twins stuff. Well, for me, I like it. But when I just realised that's the only reason people talking to me, I have a little bit grief in my heart, squeezing my heart.

I always tell myself to be strong because God is with me. I tell myself not to be afraid because there is nothing scary. But then, when my day dreaming time ( actually it is my thinking time ) begins, I start to be afraid of things. And the scariest is human and friends around me.

That's what a person who likes to think when she is not reading any books.

Maybe I should clear my mind from my eyes and start to see the beautiful of my love from my classmates and friends.

Yes, I know that's the right way.

Because love never goes wrong with me.

Elisa

Dear 5A/2014,

Believe me, I'm writing this with my tears falling from my eyes.

I've been in my college for a week. I ain't making many friends here. I have taken 5 subjects, because that's what my course ( AUSMAT ) requires me to do. Those are Econs, Business, Accounts, English and simple Maths.

I go to college by using LRT. Every week day morning, I wake up at nearly 6:45 a.m and get ready to college. To me, everyday is not easy. Go and back by using LRT needs 1 hour and 10 minutes. So, I actually spend 1 hour plus every day sitting / standing in the train cab.

It isn't easy for a science student to take art subjects. After two years of studying mostly all kind of basic science in my high school, switching to art subjects produces lots of question marks in my head. All I do in every lesson is that keep my eyes on the lectures' notes that my lectures put on the slides. I'm pretty scared that I would miss a part of them, because almost all my lectures said that the textbooks themselves aren't enough to pass my exams. Well, I paid more and more attention.

I'm a bit introvert without my twinnie. What's worse is that I always have no confidence in my English. Well, college language is English. Fear and low confidence scares my bravery to speak English, that's why I barely talk to anyone in my class. And, yes, this is the killer fact of which I'm always alone in the cafeteria in my college while my sister is having her sciences lessons.

I walk back to KL central so as to take train back to my housing area train station with my sister. Every time on board in the train while going back home, I talk nonstop to my sister about every bit piece of what I've encoutered for that day. She does the same too. That's called 35 minutes.

Of course, I passed by Taman Paramount train station everyday as that's the train station before my housing area train station. What I do for every time is that I look outside the glass clear window and see the housing area of Taman Paramount. I can't forget what my sister and I did last December, we secretively jogged to my best friend + my closest ex classmate's house. We did that so as to suprise her. Well, she then brought us to the park nearby the train station, Taman Paramount. We talked about something normal and a bit useless. But I enjoyed that. This funny thing I had done always flashback in my mind whenever I passed through that. All I can do in the train cab is that, staring and tearing in heart.

Here comes Taman Bahagia ( my housing area train station ). Before the train stops, it passes by my ex-school, SMK Taman SEA. I spent 5 years of my life being a student of this school. One word to describe, AMAZING. I never thought that this school would bring me so much nostalgia effect in my heart while I was a freshman in this school. Three years of junior years made me a strong person. Despite that, I became a dependent person. I depended a lot on my friends. I didn't know I was so dependent, until now, this state, as a freshman in my college without laughing and knowing me friends, I just realised graduating from my ex school meaning that those I depending on are not going to be a side with me, pretty sad to say, for maybe the next years of my life would be years of absence of them. I just realise that's the reason why I'm using tissue to wipe my tears now.

5 Angsana, was my class name. Getting in an A class was stressful, because all my classmates were smart, hardwroking and academically blessed. Not only that, being as one part of them made me felt like I was never good enough, which this later made me a many A- student, but not straight Cs students.

Came to co-curriculum, class 5 A never failed to loss it's presence in the school. I had a lot of clubs and uniforms' presidents classmates. Though they were always busy in their stuffs, they never neglect their time studying and bonding with the other classmates. One word to describe them, AWESOME.

We have had a Whatapps group which normally people will think we, young people will use that as a way to chit chat, talk about life and stuffs. If you have that sort of thinking, well, you are wrong. We did discussion about questions that we didn't understand. And hoped for the best explanation so that all of us could score well in SPM, even discussed for 2 hours.

Why am I writing this sort of thing? I feel like I am like an old lady remembering her past and youth time. I should stop here.

If you are reading this, please don't laugh at me, because I'll feel sad.
If you do laugh at me, well, I will pray for you so that I can still continue to love you without hatred.

God guides me throughout my life. I really thank Him for such a wonderful plan that he has for me. Not to forget my dearest ex- teachers, they didn't only teach me how to survive with my knowledge, they also taught me how to survive with a good attitude and well being.

Thanks for reading ;)
Thank you 5 A/2014 classmates, you are a piece of my memory which I'm dying to experience it again and again.

Elisa
* always cry with little things
* I'm not doing this for fun or memorial, I'm doing this because that's what I feel right now.

New and Old moments

Though the leaves fell, life of the tree still goes on.

Well, school started. Everything went well, except the fact that I kept showing my quiet and introvert style I have had from me. This shows how far the distance of socialization from me. Due to this, I'm a bit sad and sort of disappointed with myself, because I was so in to the subject of Sociology so much, yet, I fail to continue conversation with people that I've met.

I started having this lovely routine called devotion. In fact you don't know, devotion is a time which Christian reads Bible and pray to God. I read Bible like every night. I follow Daily Bread as my devotion guide. Well, after that, I write down the verses of the day in my little note book. I also write down 5 things I want to thank God, and 3 things I want to change ( sort of ).

Every time I do my devotion, I've gotta think of 5 things I want to say thanks to God. That is really a good idea for me to count and experience how great is our God.

Not to write too much, so I would like to share my photos during my trip to the Europe last December with you, my darling readers.

Lovely birds in one of the park of London, which I can't remember.

University of Nottingham.

Ex-student brought his new girlfriend.

Payphone. 

Well, smart phones nearly conquer the world nowadays.

Who is using payphone?

One of my best shoot, in Paris.

The one that got away.

Crazy thoughts with creative minds.

It has been a week since I was back to Malaysia from the Europe and the UK. What I can tell you after one week saying deep goodbye to the UK, is that I really miss the UK a lot. Really a lot.

Last Saturday, which was 3 days ago, I went to MYF ( Methodist Youth Fellowship). It was a fellowship. I was new there. My sister was also new there. Both my sister and I planned not to tell them that we were twins, let them guess who was older and all kind of stuff like that.

Sometimes, I can be a bit funny and naive.

Well, though it was in church, the youths seemed didn't know us ( we too, didn't really meet them before). It was because we seldom appeared in 8 o'clock Sunday service. Well, well, we still had fun time and learning time together. We shared some things. And yea, the guessing-twins idea really failed, because we literally wrote our birth date on the form.

Sometimes, I feel like I am a serious noob.

This sounds so wrong. Let me retell you again. What I mean is that I feel like I am a serious person while at the mean time, I'm a noob.

Smiling can actually kill someone.

Back from my holiday trip, I observed and really encountered how different things work out with different culture. The shop workers ( no matter what shop, it can be a restaurant, clothes shop or even super market ) would smile at you whenever you went in. And what I did was I smiled back.

While back to Malaysia, I went shopping with my mum and sisters. Those shops I went in, I didn't forcefully smile at them. It was so natural that I smiled to them first. Those who smiled back really made my days.

That's why, I saw the difference of Malaysia and the UK.

Receiving and giving love come so similar, yet some are by force, some are by natural.

Elisa

Lust

What you wish, sometimes there can be a chance to go wrong.

I've been reading this book called Temptation. It is indeed a great book though it's name sounded a bit too lustful and sinful. It is a horror type book. The author did a great job in keeping me to continue reading this book, until I laid out a deep breathe, then I stopped. Well, it is all about vampires and little action of love, but mostly bloody and scaring.

I wish I had more time to read. Because through reading I find that every bit of my brain starts thinking, thinking about human and how things work.

College life starts soon, very soon. I received the offer letter of my college in December. I was reading it yesterday. I'm pretty sure I didn't leave out any important words. There are two words scared me. Guess, what are those words? ORIENTATION DAY.

Lovely things work out unplanned.

Well, well. I can't keep my brain stop thinking about Orientation Day, especially what to wear. To follow what the letter informed me, I should be wearing something formal.

I've never been in a very formal outfit before.

I wish nothing stopped me from being a little kid, who wandered around my mother and father, telling them I want to go to beach.

This never comes true, I know.

My 2015 New Year resolutions will be a long list, a real long list, which I don't even know if I can do it.

But God knows how to do it, with love and patience.

Elisa X

Late Life of Love

Life is short.

I'm quite sure what I have done this year. Certainly about what I passionate about. Playing guitar, piano and reading books. Other than that, I did revision on my studies, not to say everyday, but regularly. This year has been a year of mine craving knowledge. I can say I don't really give all my 2014 time to knowledge because most of my free time was used to being in social media. I'm sort of regretting what I have done, but I'm still spending my time on Twitter and Instagram.

I have just experienced two weeks of lovely time with my family. That was great. And I really hope that you, should spend some time, staring at something or sharing all you with your family. Your level of your family bond will slowly review. There you know, how much time you should invest on your family love. Because love doesn't exist without sharing and caring. Because love is all about sharing, caring and using your time just to love.

Lately I have been reading a book entitled A Bend in the Road by Nicholas Sparks. It is a story about love. As most of you know, Nicholas Sparks writes couple love stories. Well, he slowly reviews the love of family, which he has successfully made me rethink about time and love. I really recommend you read his books.

About love, we see it spreading around the world. Give and receive are the only ways you feel the love.

Although Christmas Day passed, I would like to retell you that God loves you that He even gives His only child to save us from our sins and gives us eternal life.

Merry Late Christmas!

Elisa :)

Do, Did, Done

Hi there!

Some times I just wonder how silly I am. There were times when I feel as if the whole world abandoned me. And that feeling wasn't good.

My life now is a bit too bored, I can say. I eat, sleep, hang out with friends, go church and etc. I did have done a lot of my next year college stuffs. I went to the college and did the enrollment. And that was the worst experience ever!

To be honest, I am always quiet in front of people I don't know. Maybe sometimes I don't even want to talk. Talking is the best recreation in the world. However, to me it is never a good activity during something serious like enrollment.

I am looking forward to a more talkative and proactive me next year. Since this year comes to and end, I decided to check what I haven't done well this year. I read this 2014 New Year Resolutions. And I feel like I haven't completely completed my resolutions.

I wrote about my English. Yes. I can tell I'm still lack of confidence but at least a bit of it is trying to take over me. And that's God. Aha. Lack of confidence is a sign of not being able to speak English fluently. So, if you ever spoke to me in English, and I appeared to be like a dumb, just accept the truth that I was not being comfortable with you. Well, I'm trying hard.

Next thing is that I wrote I would read more story books. The matter about this was that I had not enough time to spend every day immersing myself into the books. I did read a lot of books this year compared to last year. And I think I broke my own reading record.Maybe 15 books? I don't know. You might say I am being too proud of myself because most of the book lovers read more that what I did. Well, to be honest, I don't think I'm good enough too. I need to read more books.

Besides English, nothing special I can write about.

Thanks there.
Should end here.
Elisa X

The End.

This, is, the life after SPM.

I feel normal as I still have things to do. Like sorting out my books, cleaning up my room, throwing all the old clothes and etc. Life after SPM aren't what you really enjoying. Well, maybe you do, but not me.

Flashed back. I thought a lot about what I was and what I used to be. After people use almost a quarter of their lives thinking about the past, remembering the glory they achieved. I don't really agree that people have glory, even for one second. Do people even deserve? We seek for strength, power and money ( I mean most of us probably do ). We would be using 3 quarters of our lives proving how super and how good we are. We spend less than 24 hours thinking about life after death because it is scary to experience or even think about it.

We are scared of people looking down on us. Looking down on our silliness, and our weakness. We try very hard to make it not to be seen. We are like wearing sunglasses during the night while BBQing. We thought that people would look at us from heads to toes. Well, probably they do less than what we think they would. Do you even care how people do? I can tell not really. Because we always look at ourselves.

I feel like laughing at myself. Writing this nonsense blog post just because I think about nonsense things.

After all, we realise every life has an end.


Glory to the Lord.
Elisa X

I'm an A student.

Today is a nice day.

I just woke up from my first nap of the day. Yes, I took my nap in the morning. I wasn't feeling any tiredness yesterday but I feel it today. 

Spm is gonna end soon. My last subject will be on the next Monday. I ain't nervous about it. But I know it is going to be the toughest subject among all. 

Things aren't working well with me. I do a lot of thinking. My brain can't stop running. I think about how people get their popularity. Yes, I'm a bit weird because I always make my mind work out with something. Something weird. 

I created a Twitter account last week. It is fun having a Twitter account. I'm more updated with my friends trough Twitter. I follow people and people follow me back, some don't follow me back. Well, I don't care. 

I think about how stuffs work. Like do pretty people more attracted? 

This is a cool thing. I went through some instagram photos. I read my Facebook news feed. I feel superiorly sad. Pretty people in ugly photos get a lot of likes and favorites. Well, I can tell these people are popular. They attract a lot of attention. And some people give up themselves, follow the super pretty people and start to adapt a new style from them. I feel sad.

I wonder a lot about which are all about interaction. I see couples doing some small actions when they thought no ones notice them, but actually I saw it. I see friends having great chats with each other. They hang out in the shopping malls, and take selfies. This is the things that work around my life circle. I ain't in a big life circle. What I have seen are too much. 

Well, intelligence is also one of the point which helps you attract people. I'm grateful that I'm never a study pro nor smart person. So, not one notice me. So I notice others. 

People respect those who do well in their studies. They respect 7A's and 6A's UPSR students, and all the straight As students. They are amazed when an average student get the highest marks in class. Their jaws drop. Most smart people I've seen are quiet quiet type, when they speak, they tell facebook or Twitter about their small but inspiring thoughts. And then the whole world amaze with them. And even agree with them. To conclude, smart people are popular. 

Sorry my readers, it's time for me to conclude my blog post, though some little things just pop up from my mind- Does people with less popularity are more low in self esteem? And how does self esteem affect people's popularity? Do people really need popularity?

I can tell people may not really need popularity when they have God. 

Glory to the lord! 

Elisa X

I'm an Average student ;)

Something weird about ME

November slowly comes to an end. My mind can't stop thinking about my next year plans. Of course, and my one month holiday in December.

As you know, I'm sitting for this public school exam for a month. This drives me crazy because I'm not even putting much effort into it. I can't think about this exam result. It must be pretty bad.

Throughout the year of 2014, I find a true me. I have learnt being more selfless. Well, I'm not a loving loving type person. I admit that I'm always selfish. But I'm trying to change. Plus, I'm changing. That's not a big deal, I guess. I always find myself planting a little bit of love in everyone that I meet. I think I should continue planting this love, so that everyone can feel it.

I have observed people around me all the time. Don't think that I'm a geek or a crazy, because I love social science very much. I have done all these because I want to know the mystery of relationship. Relationship is a big topic. Well, as a result, I find my "project" of knowing how relationship works is a sign of infinity. And the result will only come to an answer when I really learn how to socialize with people.

The way I think about things is very weird. Like the day before yesterday, I finally filled in my enrollment form for next year college. I was and am excited about it. Well, I signed up for 5 subjects for my foundation. One of it which I just filled in on that day was Social Science. I actually found myself reading the description of the subject. And I got attracted by the words - psychology and sociology. My eyes blinked twice and read the text more carefully. And yes, there I saw a sentence which tells me that if I signed up for this subject, I gotta write a lot. Write a lot in English. And I consider my English- FAIL.

Instead of being afraid of writing English, I signed up for the Social Science. And I know I gotta read, speak, write and listen more English. I'm telling myself, everyday is an English day.

Despite being criticized by people, I still go ahead and write my blog in English. Tell you the biggest fact that I write in English. It's because among all four languages that I can speak, the best I can write in is English. That's such a pitiful thing. I'm pitiful.

Well, I'm gonna stop pitying myself.
All the best to my readers.

Elisa Jean X

A Smile in front of the Camera

It's raining again.

I wonder how much times I will have with my family. Every time any of my sisters comes back, I'll definetely be thinking of the family members I have. It's God's lovely plan. Well, tonight my eldest sister is coming home, but my second sister will be in her university, continuing her work.

I always think about how the world works. Everyday I meet different people. Everyday different weather. I just tweeted I CAN'T FAKE A SMILE in Twitter. I wonder who read my tweet. And what are they thinking about?

I have to uphold my nearly overflowed enthusiasm on photography. I really love photography. Well, though I only know a bit about the technique of capturing a nice photo. Frankly, I don't even know how to take a photograph, even using my handphone.  I have this little mind which tells me that I can never ruin the beautiful photograph world with my ugly photograph. 

Unlike the old me, I searched around photography blogs in my Safari via Google. I encountered many good photos. What I can say is nothing but an expression of enthusiasm - WOW. 

Photography makes me understand many things. Like not every model is tall. Not every model is thin or skinny. Not every photographer will look down on fat people. Though I had the stereotype of artistic peopl are scarier than ones who aren't. But at least, through reading the blogs and talking to my sister help me a lot in not being afraid of artistic people. 

There might be a question mark popping out in your brain. You might wanna ask me why I'm afraid of the artistic people since they are all humans. I'll tell you now.

Artistic people tend to look things differently, I can say. Since I always have this LSE disease ( so I call it a type of disease), I'm afraid of how people look at me. I'm scared that they will look down on me, or whatever. If you are an artistic person, just make sure you don't tell me how you think about me. Because I'll have a hard time coping with myself. Though I'm praying for my bravery and giving all my burden to God.

I can say through writing my blog, I find myself always complaining and this blog shows the weak me. Well, I'm not strong enough. Maybe I'm but I'm sure I'm not the kind who can we myself under the rain.

I'm slowly building a stronger me. No, no. I should say, God is slowly building a stronger me. 

Thanks for reading my blog. 

X Elisa

P.s It's still raining...

Blame

I have not been blogging for sometimes. I'm exhausted. 

Today is my mum's birthday. We made a celebration for her. But I'm sure this wasn't the best one. Because she had a great celebration last night with her lovely and cute friends.

I'm glad that I have today, being with my mum though my father is outstation now. My sister baked a cheese cake and prepared today's dinner for us. Of course, these are all for my mum birthday celebration. Lovely and sweet one.

My history exam is on this coming Monday. I don't feel the stress. I'm not sure if I ready don't care about it. Because I feel no momentum to study and memorise all the bits of history of the world. I used to love history. I used to think it was the best subject ever. Now, I feel so exhausted to even flip the book. I'm too old.

Yes. There are a lot of things I haven't done. I need to get them done as soon as possible. I'm not excited about most of them. You see the point of my life, don't you?

My english has never been what I'm proud of. Never. I wish there is a day for me to say GOD, THANKS FOR ALL YOU HAVE DONE FOR MY ENGLISH instead of GOD, GIVE ME THE BRAVERY AND THE FEELING OF LOVING ENGLISH SO THAT I CAN SPEAK AND WRITE PERFECTLY! Here you see how my English works. I pray in English. Thanks God! I still can talk Him in English. At least there is someone who is willing to listen to my broken and imperfect english. He is God.

I keep thinking of blaming I'm too old or I'm too stupid to do the things. I sometimes blame God for not giving me enough. And here pops out a question: who am I complaining about what I haven't had? Well, one thing I have learnt is that DON'T BLAME ANYONE. I'm sure God has given me a lot of chances and will give me more. 

I really love blogging. Blogging makes my mind to think. Thinking about the things that are useful. Useful things make me have the actions to work them out. And I can see the results. 

Never doubt love, 

x Elisa Jean

Every Man Makes a Different

Hi there! So, it's like one weeek time till SPM ( a big exam of Certificate of Malaysia Education ). I'm pretty excited about the coming life. I would probably love to do part time job during my pre- U time. But it is not right to think and dream about it now. So, I'll stop myself. I just finished having my Sunday School in church. It was a new teacher teaching us today. I'm a bit amazed with my Sunday School teachers intelligence and perspective. They are amazing and they rock! Cool thing about it is that we had a discussion about Christ as a helping stick. If you are wondering what was that I'm gonna tell you now. To me, Chirst is not a helping stick but He is like oxygen, supplying everything to me. If you ask me whether being a Christian is easy or not, I would like to say NO. It's not really easy. Because being a Christian is meant to live a life of Christian. Like I have to do what Christians supposed to do. I don't mean to day I'm forced to be one. I'm telling how good I'm as a Christian. We, Christians, always have been people goodie goodie stereotype. It's true that a Christian is meant to do good things, help people, being able to sacrifice for people and love everyone. We don't curse people, we never being taught to hate people. So, if you have that stereotype towards Christians, it's okay. So, we do have that stereotype towards ourselves. Don't ever think that I'm a goodie goodie. I mean yes, maybe you think I'm a badie badie or a goodie goodie. That's not important. One important thing is that WE ARE HUMAN WHO HAVE SINS. Cool thing about me is that I'm trying my best to love people around me. If you think a badie badie, tell me how bad I'm and I will correct myself. I wanna to change myself becoming a goodie goodie. Who doesn't like being a goodie goodie? Telling me your stereotype towards me is a good thing to me. I wish you can like maybe comment on this post. Or if you have any problems or difficulties, perhaps you can tell me about it, or maybe not too detail, so that I can pray for you. Thanks!

Relationships

I have this freaking thing in my nerves. I want to write something.

Well, I just read JianHao's blog. ( I'm sure you know who he is, he is the very famous Youtuber). I really admire the way those Youtubers. They have dreams. They work for their dreams. 

I often wonder why people have this bravery and also potential to do what they want. They see the dark side bright, they see the bright side hope. In return, they are famous and they have gained a lot of attention from people all around the world. 

I wonder how their parents teach them. The Youtubers are so brave and dare to dream. I start to think how their parents encourage them, or discourage them. Also, how they brought up their kids. I'm never a brave ones. And how my parents have brought me up.

Thinking of next year maybe gonna go overseas to study my pre-U. I'm quite excited about it. I'll be studying some subjects which I think are quite interesting. I love sociology. So taking Law as my degree is what I would want to do. You know, working for something you love to do is like the feeling of joy and good.

I just glanced through some fashion blogger look books. They are pretty nice. I can say, if you are a fashion blogger, you would probably have to be rich in money. And also full of bravery and self esteem. Without one if them, you can't really be a fashion blogger.

Well, I'm just being a bit nonsense here since the start of this post. Actually what I've seen, I probably think about it. You know, what you wear can definetely be a communication between you and yourself, you and others, and you and God. 

One reason of I don't persist my fashion dream as a fashion designer is that because fashion will be out one day, but the laws of God will never out. I hope you see my point. Seriously, I want you to understand. 

So, yea. Here is the end of my nonsense post.

Elisa

Super Life

Hi there! 

I'm super duper excited about college life. I know it is gonna be a tough time for me next year since I'm not mentally prepared. 

I'm as usual - doing revision, playing the guitar and piano and sleeping. I feel like I wanna use up all my time just study. But I fail to do so. 

Guess what? I've got a new phone few days ago. It's not a normal thing for people at.my age having a handphone, but it's a not normal thing for me to have one. I feel like, wow, I still don't know how to use a phone. 

I got this, Sony Xperia M2. I can tell.you, this phone is super cool. Like I can type things out and haha. Just normal handphone. Mine is white in colour, which I think is a perfect colour for a handphone. And the size is just nice! ( though it's still too big to be put in my pocket) 

Unlike others, I love changing my wallpaper. Because wallpaper is so cool. 

Today is a Sunday School Sunday in my church. Our youth group was presenting a dance. I wasn't in the dance, because of the fact that I couldn't attend the practice and the rehasal. It's the weirdest reason ever. Looking at my friends dancing on the stage, I feel like I'm not doing my job as one of the leader in the youth group. It was a weird feeling. 

Anyway, I really feel touched by the speech that was shared by one of the Sunday school teacher. As a Christian, I should always be the active one. Reflect on myself, I feel like I'm really passive in thinking and also actions. Her sharing was about BUILD. She shared unity. I feel like I never united with my friends. Oh why! 

I still have got many to learn. 

Here is a new song by Owl City which I love.

Thanks for reading.

And enjoy the song! 

Elisa 

12.10.14

SUNDAY

Seek Love

I have no idea what words can describe me now. I'm at a state when I love things around me and I hate myself but at the same time I love myself. They are mixed feelings.

I love looking around the people. I always think what they are thinking. It's like my hobby. I can't help it. I love thinking about why people would react things with such expression and also action. It's like he/she is the only person has the chance to experience this at this particular time, and he/she does whatever. That whatever makes me curious. And that's lovely.

I wonder God too! I once placed myself in his position. Though I know it's really like I didn't understand why he does this, but eventually, I just understood. Thanks God, it's good to write blog at the morning.

I've enconuterd people who seek for love. As if like the love they are seeking will disappear. They are like wolfs, seeking for the meats, the alive meats. Allow me to describe this sort of situation using this so-true description. They can't help falling in love. They can't help receiving no love. Does that what love really mean?

I don't have much love story (I'm talking about that love). But I read a love of love story ( not really, because to me, reading like 5 books of love stories considered a lot ). I read how people can't resist their desire. DESIRE.

Everyone has desires. That's true. You might be asking, hey Elisa, won't you have one?

Yes.

Sometimes desires are good, some aren't. The desires can make you feel energetic! At that time you feel like you'll love to follow your desire. But that's time when you loss your rational thinking.

Trust me, seek for God when your desire is calling you, and you don't know is it okay to follow it.

Elisa Jean
8/10/14
Morning
Wed

Bleed

Good evening? Or perhaps Good night! 

I've not been updating my blog for a long time. I wouldn't like saying it "updating", because it feels like I'm forced to do something. So, I've not been writing my blog for a long time.

People always ask me about what I miss about in Sarawak ( my hometown ). I often say my old friends and the beaches, sunsets, and the warmth of Foo Chow language. It's not too much if I say I miss the innocent of the people there. 

I miss the innocent me and the Bintulu, Sarawak people. Their thoughts of sharing love with their friends and the way they love the people around them are what I hardly find in here, Peninsular Malaysia. I miss it very much.

The way i help you because you are my friends, and vice versa. It's so nice. If the action of love of them is drawn in a picture, I'll never hesitate to buy that picture, looking at it every night, instead of writing a blog post. That's so nice! 

What do I love about the things here, Peninsular Malaysia?

The clothes shops here, the excess here and also the fast momentum here. You'll ask - Friends? I'll say, yes, maybe two or three. To be honest, I'm never a country person. I like the developed city but with greener looks. I would like to live in a city, but not a country.

I enjoy shopping the most in Peninsular Malaysia. Walking in and out the shops in the mall, checking price tags, struggling which one to buy, being tired of walking in the mall. Though I'm short of money, still I love walking in the mall and enjoying the smell of fashion and style. It's full of colours.

Recently I've too much uneasy decisions to make. 

For example: 

My classmates keep being absent in school. The revision exercise paper that teachers giving are like tons of them. Teachers, who are being helpful and high in expectation, expect us ( the ones who present ), help the absents to keep the paper and stuffs like that. I know being a friend of my classmates should be helpful. But it's really hard for me to do this everyday! Seriously, everyday! 

I'm not sure if I'm irresponsible. I feel so remorseful and feel like killing myself like that after has decided not to keep for them. At last, I keep(kept). 

It's like people taking advantages on me. I'm frustrated. I'm sure I shouldn't be frustrated. I can't help it.

The world is too old for me, and the world is bleeding.

Elisa Jean

11:50 p.m 

3/9/14

FRI

Just a Dream

It's cool to sit on the left side of my bed, typing out whatever I wanna to share through this blog. 

Maintaining a blog is not a difficult job, you just have to keep it updated and writing something catchy or perhaps, new and interesting. I wonder if my blog is a blog of which my readers never feel bored about it. I wish I'd lighten up your dim life, with my sharings through my words. 

I don't wanna make you feel like I wanna eat you, or maybe feel like I like praising myself. I don't praise myself, really! I mean all are from God, there is nothing to be glad about what I've achieved. Because I'm achieving them with God's power. 

You might wanna close the tab of my blog now, because you feel like I'm always talking about God. And you don't seem to have any interest on Him. I'll say, FINE. 

Cool things happened in school today. I read my history textbook, and felt a little pressured, because I didn't do well in my trials exams. I'm gonna work hard. Really! I want! God is helping me.

I'm really stressed out now, because I haven't done my very best in all. I mean yea, I'm with God, God is with me. There are still times when I feel strengthless, because I'm only a human. 

Planning what to do next year really freaks me out. The Plan A and Plan B have many differences. In case you don't know what will probably gonna happen next year is that my family won't be in KL, but will move to other place ( but still in Malaysia ). I maybe studying in KL or maybe just go overseas? I don't know. My parents are mischievous, they have different kinds of plans, which I feel they are all not-going-to-work plans. So, why do I bother? 

Well, I've been writing crabs for have the blog post. I just wanna write something! 

Sometimes, I really dream of being a FASHION DESIGNER. I dream that I've my own trademark, and shops all around the world. Models are doing runway and photoshooting for the beautifully designed clothes. And those upper money status people keep flooding the shops of "mine" and snatching all the bags, shoes, dresses, then paying cash at the counters. Back to reality, Elisa! 

There are times when I think of myself being in an office, calculating data, and doing research for some cases. In fact you don't know what I mean, my ambition is to be a lawyer. So, yea, I dream and dream and dream. I dream myself being a musician. Playing piano about the whole day to get the fantastic flow of a music piece, like I'm a music crazy, imaging myself dancing with the music notes gracefully without noticing how people looking at me. That's cool, because it's only just DREAMS.

Now I'm lying down on my bed, like a turtle, with my back facing upward. I'm still typing this blog post, like it will never end. Every day, every new hope. There's always hope and dream. If you connect them, there is a solution- WORK HARD. I think it's better to be in the other way round, 

WORK HARD + GOD ~> HOPE + DREAMS

Let's NEVER EVER GIVE UP.

Thanks for reading!

Elisa

11:11 p.m 

Wed

24.9.14

Sudden feel of Laziness and Hardwork

Hi guys!

I hasn't been a long while I wrote a post.

I went to church today. I learnt something. Yes. Something!

Once I strongly longed for life after retirement. How i wished that I could earn a lot of money and enjoy them in the rest of life.  I thought of working as a piano teacher,  guitar teacher or perhaps a lawyer. And I could earn tons of money and use it. That's what I used to wish.

Today in church, i learnt something new. Not to say something new, it's more probably a refreshment for me. It cleared my blurry vision towards my future life. I thank God for today's precious lesson.

So, what's the lesson today?
Work for something that can last long, like super long. Like even after I die. Basically the lesson is about working on the things that God wants me to do. Never waste my time doing something unecessary. It's still a long term homework for me. I can do it with God!

Currently I'm in the church,  waiting for the committee meeting to start. There are like thousands of earth worms on my body, sticky and yucky. I feel nervous. Exactly nervous. I can't help being nervous. I'm scared that I will do something wrong. That something makes my current feeling grows and grows, becomes bigger and bigger. That's what I always feel.

I'm writing this post at this particle moment because I don't feel like reading the book that I've bought to the church which I wish to use it to make my boredom gone. But this plan fails. Because instead of reading, I write this post. How stupid I'm.

Well. Gonna end now.

The rate of Holiday

Hi guys! Today is such a happy day, though I haven't stepped out of the door yet. Being inside my house for the whole morning since I woke up made me successfully finished reading my 3rd book of this holiday. Oh man! I spent most of this holiday focusing my eyes on every page of the thoughts of different authors, sucking their knowledge and their roller-coaster stories. It's wonderful, I can tell. But at the same time, I strongly feel the stress and pressure that are given from my undone exam practise books. 

I'm sort of calm about my coming public exams in November. But actually I'm not. I really worry about it and try to do something, so as to smoth myself. The feelings of mine towards the exams are a mixture. I don't bother to know what are inside. Because I've more curiosity on doing my revision than finding out what's inside my brain and my heart. 

So, I've 2 music lessons today. Not in one shot, but it's almost like one shot. Playing guitar makes me feel more pressured. Every time I play it, I feel like there are tears rolling in the windows of my both eyes. My hands are always out of control, my mind is not concentrating. How am I gonna reach my goal, since I can't even drive my dream?

Ever since Emily, my twinnie stopped going for the piano every week with me this month, I feel like one piece of my heart can't blend together with the music I play with piano. What's wrong with me? Nothing wrong, I'm just being myself. The Elisa who are timid and fears of almost everything in the world except eating delicious food. 

Well, I've spent some of my holiday time jogging in the park nearby my house. I only jog like 10 rounds of the park for approximately 20 minutes or less than that. I feel fat everyday. I mean yeah, I've gained my weight, and which is not very good because I easily feel tired when going shopping with my family. You know, we do a lot of walking while shopping. And my legs can't withstand the weight of my body. That's bad. 

Should this post ends here? 

YES!

My eyes are so tiring, let them chill down and let my body rest.

Thanks for reading my holiday update, wish you a happy holiday!

Elisa X

18/9/14

Thurs 

Culture

Hi there!

Ever wonder the reason I'm so desperate to study overseas? Mixing with different hair colours people, speaking awesome accent of English, doing something crazy. It'll gonna be a great experience if I'm out of Asia. Something good will happen to me, won't it? 

The desperation of being in other country has triggered me and filled my mind. I can't wait to go out of my country, my comfort zone, my dearest family and friends. Going there will be a tough thing, maybe. 

It's because of the culture of the Eroupe countries, America and Australia. The bravery of the people there, like they never care if they do something wrong. Like there never has FAULT. They do it because they want to. The way they are brave, make me more amazed and desire to go there and do my bachelor degree study. ( I'm kind of SICK with it, sorry people )

It's like God never appears in their lives. What I mean is that what I THINK the EROUPIANS believe themselves. They have high self esteem which you'll not punch them because of that because you really love the way they act it boldly. 

I'm kind of scared that I'll love being without God. ( why so random? ) Like I love their cultures because of their fearless towards God. ACCORDING TO THE NOVELS I'VE READ, they don't care about rules. So what's wrong with me? Or them?

I don't know if you get what I mean. I bet you don't. Because it's a mix thoughts of mine. I'm typing them out, so that I can sort them out. You know, like not being so sinful in my thinking. God, rescue me!

I just finished reading the book If I Stay by Gayle Forman. It's a nice book, the characters are well described. And the lifestyle of the main characters hits my heart. As if I want to go America now, and being with the people there. I'm like I wanna change myself, a completely different Elisa. But I know there is no way. 

I thank God for being with me all the time. Whenever I want to do something weird with the little boldness in myself, He puts out the fire. ( I know it's a bit imaginative for you to understand what I'm trying to tell you ) 

Thanks for reading my bloggie. 

Feel free to write any comments. 

Elisa O

8:40 a.m 

Mon

15/9/14

Orange Marmalade

Hey peeps! I don't wanna scare you with my last post and this post. Because I kinda wanna share what currently happening to me. 

After trials exam, I'm attracted to this Korean Manga thing. It's ORANGE MAMARLADE. I really love the story and the drawing. The characters are well potraited and drawn. 

What is the story about?

It's about a vampire girl who was loved by a handsome, well built human guy. The vampire girl kind of struggling about her identity, because she scared that she would be hated. 

Left: Baek Ma Ri     Right: Jung JaeMin

Somehow this story is too chessy, but the drawings are AWESOME! They are well colored. Just love the way that the pictures are drawn. ( sorry, I'm too obssessed with drawing! )

I have my favourite character in this story. He is too cool and good looking ( LOL ). I love his hair the most! People come on, this is just a KOREAN MANGA.

Han Si Hoo! <3

Okay, my post should end here.

Elisa jean

8:00 a.m

Sunday

P.s. Dear artist of Orange marmalade, I don't know if it is okay to share some parts of the manga here. If it's not okay, I apologize. I just wanna share what I love to my friends! Thanks. 

Bold

I can't remember when I used to be bold, like little kid, who never thinks before he does anything. Or perhaps, like an artistic who draws without sketching. I used to be bold.

Everyday I go to school. The same school. I never like calling my secondary school as HIGH SCHOOL. Because high school sounds so perfect, interesting and full of teen stories. I seldom do what people do during their high school time. They hang out every weekend, after exams, and etc. or even go dating ( whatever ). I like the feeling like my secondary school is a place where I get knowledge. A place where it fills my brain with useful stuffs and prepares me to face the bigger world outside the school. I love my secondary school.

It is like 3 months I'll be leaving my school. Unchanging lifestyle in school of mine never changed. I'm still a unsociable bug, who refuses to let my secondary school life, becomes a high school life. Classmates around me keep changing their style, or I would like to say DEVELOPING THEMSELVES. As the older I grow, the older I see. 

Yesterday was Mooncake Festival. Normally we, Chineses, play lanterns, eat Mooncake and watch the big round moon at this night. My trials exams finished yesterday. After I went back from school, I allowed myself to be lazy for another's 4 hours afternoon of the day. At 7:00 p.m, I had my dinner. My dad wasn't back that time. My house only left me, my mum, my twinnie, my bro. My elder sisters were here. After dinner, my aunt came around. She brought lanterns. I used to love playing lantern, walking around the house garden, enjoying the aroma and the warmth that moon has reflected from the sun. It was lovely. It is not lovely. 

Rather than having a walk outside, I stayed on my seat, did one set of Add Maths Paper 2. ( Revision after exams? Owh ) i never thought I was this old. I'm old. 

I had no interest in playing the lanterns. And I didn't feel like having a peer to the moon. How dare me? Am I too late to realise I'm too old? I would rather stay in house than go outside to play them. Well, I think that's not old young problem, it's ELISA HAS CHANGED PROBLEM. 

Cool people think cool things. Melancholic people think melancholically. That's what I do. I think melancholically. I used to have good relationships with my relatives. I love them. However, since this year new year was over, I never even feel NOSTALGIA. The worst part about it was that I didn't go back to my hometown since the new year was ended. My father always wants me phone my grannies, and to have some talks with them. I never dare to do that. I'm remorseful. I feel like I've done something wrong. I stopped being NOSTALGIA.

Perhaps, I'm getting more and more scared about things that I used to do. There is no boldness to be seen in my current life. I'm too small to be bold. I'm to young to be bold. 

But I never stop TRYING to be BOLD.

Thanks for reading my weekly update. 

Love you guys.

Hope you guys enjoy it!

Any comments? Just write down there or Facebook message me. 

Elisa jean O 

9.9.14

Tues

4:25 p.m 

I like Paul

Hi guys! How are you?

It has been a whole week of exams. My friends are supermen and superwomen. They have been lacking of sleeps. Not like me, I don't even care about TRIAL EXAMS.

Anyway, I'm wondering where to go and where to study after the November Public Test. Thinking of going to Methodist College KL. Doing A- Levels? Or AUSTMAT? Owh dear, I've no idea.

I'm sort of excited about college life, because I have never been a college student before!

It's like go across the line which I never dare to cross. Meeting new people, no more DONKEY FACES. Or perhaps, become more mature?

Well, MATURITY is not something that I really want to seek for. What really make me curious about are the acts of Paul. Dear lovely Paul.

Wonder who is Paul? My lover? No no. The " PAUL " is not my uncle nor any one. Paul is the Saul in Acts, Bible. He was a former tax collector ( if I'm not wrong ) during the Rom ( I guess? ). He hated the Christians a lot. But once he was a Christian, he did a lot of preaching and teaching and all the stuffs.

One of the thing amazed me was that during that time, in church the people shared things. Like what they had earned, they shared. And shared and shared and shared.

SHARE!

I never like sharing. But God wants me to share my things with the poor with people who have nothing. The more I have, the more I have to share!

Dear! My selfishness is a dreadful thing for me. I want to change but it is like never gonna be changed!

Thinking about no sharing, the world are full of cold hearts. COLD.

That is what I've always been. A cold and selfish person. There's no way for a person like me be loved or liked by people.

So,  BEING SELFISH IS AN ACTION OF LOVING YOURSELF TOO MUCH.

Peeps, let's us share our things.

First will be time, then food ( for me >.< ).

NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE WITH GOD.


Gambateh
Elisa Jean O
31.8.14

P.s MERDEKA! Today is MALAYSIA INDEPENDENT DAY! So proud of Malaysia.

Short, Quick!

Hi peeps!

I just wanna post something short.

I am currently having my TRIALS exams. I'm sort of lazy for the whole exams. Well, I'll reenergise a after writing thins post ( hopefully ). 

So, current hot topic in my life is - WHAT TO STUDY AFTER SPM.

One thing I'm very excited about after SPM is not PROM, but it my family trip to ( maybe ) NZ. That's gonna be fun because NZ's December is SUMMER! I love summer! ( I'm sort of OLAF from FROZEN )

Anyway, I got chosen for National Service. I hope I'll get to go Sarawak or my favourite place in malaysia- SABAH. #foreverborneopeople

Well, I plan to study in MCKL since my twin wants it so much. She's gonna start her study in January. But I won't join her. Because I'll be in NS ( Hopefully ). Then maybe in march, I can join her.

I'll be studying A- Level, since MCKL has A- level course starts in March. 

This post should end here. I'm gonna write an essay. 

Bye.

Elisa jean XO

Sunday.

It's not a Curse

Hi guys!

I believe many of you guys had heard about me being chosen in NS. And before I knew it, I listed down the good and the not good. Here is the list:

GOOD
1. I can lose weight
Basically I heard about many of them who went NS gained weight. And the food there are kari and all that. Well, since I'm a bit lipid phobic, I think I can reduce my weight.

2. I can tone my body
NS is full of exercises? And team building? Or socializing?
Well, going for NS, I can learn how to crawl up a tree, do many times of pumping ( ? ), for sure, I can  be muscular!

3. Train my discipline
Basically I'm not very discipline but a bit discipline. I can be trained to be super powerful in time management? I guess so.

4. I can get money
Can I get money for going to NS? I heard there is money, but I'm not sure.
If I gotta get it, then, why not?

5. NS builds out going personality
So, I wish to be more outgoing.

6. It's God's will
Yes. I wanna to know how tough it will be ( seems like most of my friends are scared of NS ), so that I can train my strength. God is always there with me.


NOT GOOD
1. 3 months not playing GUITAR
This is a suffer. I can't live without guitar? Erm, I think it should be : I WILL NOT BE OKAY WITH A DAY WITHOUT PLAYING GUITAR.

2. 3 months not playing PIANO
Since the day I have replayed piano, I wish to reach my very own target : GET A GRADE 8 PIANO CERT. And after this year, I may not have opportunities to play piano. ( I may be going overseas studying foundation ) Plus, I love piano too!

So, at the end, NS is not a curse. Please, people, I'll be right back after 3 months ( within these I still can meet my family right? )

Praise The Lord for everything!

With love,
Elisa jean.
16.08.14
Sat

( p.s Today is Greyson Chance's birthday, HAPPY BIRTHDAY GREYSON! )

A Curios

Heyyo!

Let's talk about yesterday. I was in the sketch team ( BAD DAY ). And yea, I acted like a NOOB. I was so noob there, like a piece of wood. Well, it was kind of hard for me to act because I never have had acting talent. 

Anyway, I wanna talk about PHONE. I always wonder what people use phone for? ( especially smart phone ) After having tons of thinking about why people use phone, I decided to ask them. 

I asked my friends, their replies were - TALKING CRAPS. 

To this point, I feel so... I'm a person who doesn't like talking craps ( that's why you always see me with my THAT FACE. To be honest, I feel like talking craps is just wasting time. So, people, next time try talk about something knowledgeable, or perhaps, just important stuff.

Well, I think I'm the only odd one who never like talking craps ( in the phone ). Well, if you want to talk something that you think is craps, yes, you can chat with me, because I never want to stop talking with people. ( I'm kind of slap my own face? )

My current feeling is good. I still have many chapters not studied. 

Thanks for reading my critical thoughts. 

Your still can message me or chat with me, or LEAVE A COMMENT, COMMENTSSS.

Elisa jean 

9.8.14

Saturday

8:35 a.m 

A Quick Thought

Hi there! I wonder if there is anyone reading this blog post, since I won't be sharing this on Facebook. Because I closed Facebook. 

Well, Emily is sort of telling me something about her future. She wants to study overseas so badly. She hopes she could just study in somewhere next year. She wants to take double bachelors ( Surgery and Medication ). 

So, what about me? 

I wish I could study here, Malaysia, for my pre U. Maybe AusMat or A- Level, in any college. I'm sort of afraid that I won't be taken by any U. Well, God is with me.

My parent (dad, obviously ) says it's okay for us to study straightly in overseas. 

So I starts to be panic. Ugh... What I'm worry about is that I WONT GET TO LEARN PIANO AND GUITAR ANYMORE. I'm sad sad sad. 

You may suggest that I can learn overseas, but I tell you one lesson fee is equal to 4 lessons in Malaysia. I love Malaysia. 

What's your ambition? ( Lonely person always asks herself question and answers it herself )

I wanna be a lawyer. Probably lawyer who can involve in politics. It has been 7 months that I'm thinking about giving my life to the citizens of malaysia. I just can't help being emphathy with people around me. The people who suffer from poverty. Even not poverty, they are many of them can't appreciate the best things in their lives. They are many of them don't know about God. There are many of them can't stop being sinful ( I know I'm sinful, but we can try not... ).

Well, this is my short post. I wonder there are people reading. If you are, just leave a comment or whatever me, so that I know!

Anything wanna to pray for you, you can also write down or pm me through Facebook messenger. 

Thanks.

XO

Elisa Jean.

2.8.2014

Saturday

Never Feel Scared!

Hi peeps. It has been a long while I haven't not blogged. I wasn't around because I was in church camp, Bk Quiz and tired.

Back to the time when I was with my friends in CHS ( Catholic High School ) being a recorder. I was sort of stupid at first. Basically, we arrived CHS at 7 something. Before that we gathered at Taman Bahagia LRT. I walked there alone at 6:00 a.m. I could say I had turned my head for more than 10 times though the walk was only 1 minute.We went CHS by train and we did a bit of walking. I  was a cool experience, I would say. By the time we were there, we got our breakfast. I was too full to eat that. So, I didn't take. Just as nearly everyone finished the breakfast, we went doing the BK Quiz. I expected it to be hard. But then the quiz ended up to be super duper hard. The questions even asked about the sequence and all that. And the night before this, I did my revision from the last chapter to the first one.

After that, we went and changed our clothes. All of us wore greyish colour tee. Then we went down. We had P and W session. This was what I amazed about. They could do Praise and Worship in the open air ( in the car park lot ). In my school, we couldn't do it, because there would be people who "be song " ( not happy ). Glory to the Lord, I still can see Malaysia's school has this praise and worship in the car park lot where everyone will walk by.

Then, we went back to the hall and started our work. I was a bit scared that I couldn't manage the things, but ended up I could. Glory to the Lord. I was in charged of two teams, which afterward they weren't in the next stage of the competition. One was from CHS and one team was from Subang Utama. They did their quiz and I recorded down the marks. At the end of the quiz, the Subang Utama team gave me a paper which they had drawn. They said the paper was a souvenir for me.

After that I was asked to be the finalist recorder. I struggled because I was scared that I would make mistake or what. But then there was a thing came to my mind - Nothing Is Impossible With God. So, I said yes. Then, I did it. Glory to the Lord.

After all, we went to A&W, but there was a long queue due to that shop was closing down. We ended up in McD ( Amcrop Mall ). Then, we went to Book Excess. And my best friend, Audrey, bought the Divergent ( Book 4 ). She said it was the best thing ever. Because she got the book at the price below RM20 and it was a hard cover book. ( My face was like: -.- ) She bought it. Then she told me this was the first book of the Divergent. Then I said no. Then we checked, she just knew that it was BOOK 4. She was kind of upset. HAHA. Back to me, I saw a Dictionary and I bought it. I was only RM 14.90. Then we went to LRT station ( Audrey, Me, Alwin ).

***** ***** *****

It was a Sunday. I went to church. I wore a tee with a skirt and a sandal. I brought my heart there and listened to the sermon. 

At the evening ( 6:00 p.m ), I was in the camp. I thought I would be the very first one to arrive, but then I wasn't. Because the others were too early. So, yea. Then we had like a small prayer meeting there. And we prayed for things. After that, I did some helping ( though I didn't think I really helped, whatever.. ). Something strange happened. I saw someone who looked like my friends' brother. But then Emily said the person wasn't their brother. But I said yes. After asking them, the person was their cousin. And I was like: Why on earth has got people who look alike. ( By this point, I should say I'm really bad at differentiate people, that's why I'm a twin. )

Then we had the praise and worship. And talks. Something that I kept remember was that I was not alone, I was with God. God was the one who always strengthened me. These were what I thought. The talks were about characters. Before this, I strongly believed that the characters were the only things that could influence people. And through these talks, I learnt that I was right. Glory to the Lord. 

Just a small thing to share here. Before this I suffered from a dreadful illness - LSE- Low Self- Esteem. And I was also a person who were sensitive. And because of these two combination, I was half- dying. I couldn't face myself. I couldn't talk to people because I refused to. I won't say Hi when I saw anyone. I would just run away when I was scared. I was scared. 

It was really amazing about what God had planned. He made me went for the BK Quiz, followed by the Camp. In the camp, especially the Talent Show, I wasn't ready for it. I was scared because I was the leader of my team. I didn't know what to tell them. And my teammates didn't know how to act, express the whole story out. I was really helpless. Plus, Jia Yong wasn't always there ( she gotta do some preparation for the games ). I was so scared. What I wanted to thank God was that everything went smoothly and Jia Yong wasn't that busy and she could help me to direct the whole team. I could tell, I shouldn't be that scared. 

I could say what always surrounded me was the feeling of scared. The feeling of no faith in God. I couldn't bear anything on my own. It's like I can't do anything. 

We, people, have to get up and say no to the fear. No more fear. God is not a God who loves fear. 

With Philip ( the only photo I have -.- in the camp )

* photo from Teacher Jennifer

Our team! JOSEPH! 

Never feel scared, because nothing is impossible with God. 

My current task. 

Thanks for reading! 

Love you,

Elisa Jean.

1.8.2014

9:40 a.m

Friday 

Music-Love-Action

Hi guys!

Recently, I've been in a busy. So first is the guitar practice then is the piano practice. To summarize the whole week, there is only a word for it - Music.

I've been struggling with the word music very much. Because I always want to find an aim for it. What I mean is that I wanna know who I am playing the music for. That's the mystery of music. 

Here is a very romantic story which I have thought about, of course it is all about romance and music. I somehow love listening to pop songs lately. I'm sure you can name some of the latest songs. 

One weird thing about me is that I feel like the song is delivering some messages to me. All I feel about the music is that I listen to the melody, the lyrics, the accompaniments. They are like so amazing. I just don't know why people can have this creativity to produce music.

Some of the lyrics ( especially Chinese song ) have got many bombastic words. I appreciate them but somehow I don't think I can use the words during the exams because they are the words which describe ROMANCE.

I come out a conclusion about this,

most of the songs in this generation are about LOVE AND ROMANCE.

People nowadays can't stop singing about love. 

Is love really important?

Yes! It is.

I just can't help saying this - there are more than enough love type of music, but there are less than less amount of love action in this world.

Sorry, this is just my observation on myself.

Yes, myself. Just like today. When teacher asked help for setting up the computer and projector, no one stood up. Prim quite upset because, the no one, including me! Then I stood up. And set up. ( you know how embarrassed was that I actually didn't know how to set up and didn't dare to do things while all the others were like there looking at me! ) 

The world still needs love. The love in action. 

Don't hesitate of giving your love in action. 

Because it is more valuable than love in music. 

"You'll be made rich in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God. " - 2 Corinthians 9:11

( iamnomorelost.tumblr.com : iamnomorelost.blogspot.com ) 

Thanks for reading.

XO

Elisa Jean 

24.07.14

Thursday

2:30 p.m.