Fashion

It can be tough to style sometimes.

I am not sure why I have been so obsessed with fashion since I was 12 years old. The shame that I felt would never be gotten away from. I remembered how being not appropriate for me to wear something that was not formal to a formal occasion.

At some point of my life, I think that I'm a little bit too exaggerate about my fascination towards fashion. Unlike fashion bloggers, or the cool kids that I have met in my life time, I don't really have a special style or fashion to follow. I just style up whatever I want. I just want my creativity and uniqueness to be shown through my outfits. Two years ago, I found myself being carried away by fashion. Instagram has become one of the major factor of me being passionate about styling up and creating fashion.

As soon as I deleted my Instagram account last year, I was able to cope for my studies. The closing down gave me a big impact. Since then, I didn't really fancy about photography, even if I asked to be twin model by one of my best photographer friend. It is weird. I have disconnected myself from the creativity that I used to have. I disconnected myself from the social media. Finally, I stopped chasing fashion, instead, I'm now walking down to a life path that I think I like. The path, that actually has different distractions. Probably, distractions that I have never experience before. I'm waiting for the life.

I have this sudden urge to write about fashion because I just finished reading some fashion blogs. I almost fainted when I saw the pictures of the fancy clothes. Every attire seems too crazy for normal people to wear. I mean, I have tried wearing something like a robe to college before, but this is way crazier!

Fashion is a blending of creativity, reality, psychology and culture.

I don't have any.

Sorry, the muscle-less

During my English lesson few days ago, we learnt about persuasive speeches.
Those speeches were full about emotions and creative languages. These make me feel as if I'd got that momentum inside my heart, ready to go for a mission. What really touched me and sort of "inspired" me was the speech of apology. We learnt about the art of apology during my English lesson. 

Are you a human or a sunbear? 

An apology is not hard to be said. You can just utter the word "sorry" to anyone you've hurt. But not everyone will accept your apology. And I've experienced the scary part of hurting people. Sometimes, I'm too weak that I accidentally hurt people. And the worst part is that the person doesn't want to accept your apology. 

I know how painful it is being hurt. It was like being asked to clean the toilet when you've got lots of assignments to complete. My example is quite strange. Yes, that's how I feel when I was being hurt. At that particular moment, I feel as if my brain and my heart work differently. I can't control my body movements. Everything that I act is just too strange that people can't recognize who I'm.

The bad part about hurting people is that we might soon loose them as friends. The feeling is terrible. It is horrifying. I remembered hurting people by breaking promises. I know I'm kind of a weirdo because here I tell people how painful it is being hurt, and at the other end, I'm hurting people. But, I'm only a human.

I'm only a human.

I thought about this sentence " I'm only a human" after my 20 minutes morning jog. Human is the only species which can say this sentence. I mean a cat would never say "I'm a cat". It's really impossible. Impossible! 

Here comes this intelligent human we are. We can admit our own mistakes, and change ourselves, perhaps improve will be a better word in this case. An apology should be delivered once mistake is made. Because we are human. We have feelings, we can talk and think in a wiser way. 

In every era, there will be this trend, of which people mock people. I just read about 2 Chronicles 30:10-12. It was about one race scorning and ridiculing other races. From there I see how much human love mocking and discriminating their own species, of which animals won't do (I think so).  

Dear fellow friends, I'm sorry if I've made any of you being in a state of anger or disappointment. I'm sorry for what I've done which made you feel hopeless about the world. I'm really sorry if I've made you struggle for dealing with your low self esteem which I've built in your heart. I'm sorry.

X

I mock myself.

Being much involved in church and fellowship serving makes my body feels sore and tired, but I'm surprisingly happy and joyful. I can go super hyper and laughing all the way when doing my service. You can never know how much I feel when doing God's work, unless you've tried it before!

The world is not as perfect as I see. 

I ain't sure if any of you would get annoyed by reading my blog post, because it's a bit too like  personal-philosophical-plus-a-bit-immature. But I thought of this, it would be really good to share what I feel about those things I've experienced, because an "immature" person's view is really important.

People around me keep telling me I'm innocent and naive. I don't quite agree with them. They just didn't see what I've experienced, they didn't know what I've chosen. I ain't sure if anyone out there, laughed at me because of the perfect and fairy tale like thinking that I've had. But I got this a lot, HEY ELISA, YOU'RE NAIVE AND INNOCENT. Innocent? I'll define innocence, innocence is the lack of knowledge to choose right or wrong, in other word, stupid.

At that very mean point, I feel as if I'm disconnected to the world. Completely disconnected.

You know what? I've seen people crying and starving themselves because people out there are telling them they are not perfect. You know what? I've seen how an old grandy keeping quiet because she doesn't want to let people know that tears are dripping deep inside her heart. I've read books about how people having love, making love, kissing, and whatsoever, because they just love it and those "activities" attracted them. I know why people keep complaining girls nowadays only love bad boys, because their souls demanding soul mates, who they can call girlfriends, patting them and hugging them in front of people, having that "relationship goal hastag". Or else, I've seen people without money and still boasting around that they want to eat branded stuff. I've seen how blind men walking through a rubbish place, and they had no idea where not to walk through.

The world telling me to stop sympathizing or empathizing them because that would be really stupid, and you-can't-be-helping-people-and-feeling-sad-all-the-time. I ain't feeling sad about those I've mentioned, I feel sad about people telling me not to sympathizing.

Getting through to know what's right and what's wrong is never a sin or something to be laughed. You thought I had no idea about all those so called cheesy stuff people can do between two people? Their desires evoke, and their hearts just melted by each others'. They know they have to be connected with each other. When they see each other, their eyes locked, nothing would unlock them unless they look away.

I refuse to do such kind of things, unless I'm mature enough.

X

Contrast

Not to mention how sad I was with my studies and especially my English. I'm so desperate to learn all the vocabs and the way of writing and also speaking English, due to my own discrimination to myself. I know that's weird, but I just feel like I still have a lot more to go before I can say I'm able to speak English.

I was a bit down last week, because I had that sudden feel of being abandoned by the world. Or I could say I was too upset about the world because of what I had seen. I kept thinking about the fact that human were always judgmental and they judged by look. Or even by their voice.

I was in to the break down, I mean I really had few drops of tears when I laid out my feelings to my lovely bro. All I could think about was that one day people would get old, the colour of prettiness would fade. I was afraid.

Until then I realised there was a Good Friday. I went back to my high school and was being in a part of the Christian Fellowship in my high school. I felt old, and at the same time, I felt young. It was a place where I created my 5 years memories, where I spent most of my teenage time. I hate it when I say teenage, because when I was in my high school, I didn't do anything that a normal teenage would do, because I was too nerdy. And teenage sounds a bit bad and naughty. Well, entitle myself a nerdy will maybe draw a smile on my face.

Once again I rethought about how God has loved us, sent His one and only son to us, and died for our sins. I know it is an ordinary fact but it is a fact of love, a special love.

I thought I would end up lying on my bed and think about life or something else like that for the whole week end. Instead of that, I spent my Saturday morning with my family to the shopping mall. I bought 3 English books. Sadly, they are all chessy stories, I can say. Unlike what my sister bought, I was way too much into emotion. In fact you are wondering what did my sis buy, she bought a Dummies for Math. Then, you see, how ironic a pair of twins can be. That's the truth.

Saturday evening was a complete enjoyable session. I went to choir practice. Though I knew I sang nothing like a bird nor like Adele, but choir in church was a praising to God, not for the seek for people to praise how well I sang. So yea, I tried my very best to sing. Glory to the Lord.

Today is a lovely day. I woke up and started reading the novel I bought on Saturday. And I couldn't stop reading it! What a bad habit of mine. I was so immersed in the story and well, I could still pull myself out of it.

Oh ya! I thank God for my exam's result. It wasn't a good result ( compared to my high school time, and I regret right now because I switched from Science stream to Art stream ) but I thank God for the marks! And also for every bit of the wisdom.

Indeed, I'm feeling happy and bit crazy right now, because I'm suspecting a spot test tomorrow.


X

Sorry for my English mistakes

Shared love

I'm tempted by the food.

Joy shall be shared upon everyone // Everyone can sit on that bench

Lately I've been in a really silly mood. In fact you don't know what I mean, I've got an example for you.

I felt fat and unsecured at once in my high school time, it was terrible and took long time to recover from that. And now, I'm actually suffering because I feel fat again and unsecured is one of the mainstream that I'll probably go through again if I'm not cautious enough. Well, that's what I mean by silly.

Let's look into this serious yet silly issue.

Most of the people get attracted to people who are unique, or perhaps, nice body shapes or pretty faces. This is not a sin because that's a way of human showing appreciation towards God's creation. There are these things called body ratio and facial ratio. These ratios are actually the standard of closeness to perfection. In fact you don't know, mathematics plays a big role in it. ( That's why sometimes I'm so frustrated about Maths! )

Therefore, most of the people in the world find that models have the perfect body shapes. Because their bodies have that light and fast meaning. I mean, you'll feel like they can jump very high up and run fast. Well, significantly, that type of body shape, reflects the people nowadays. People like to get things done faster ( or you can say they want faster internet speed ) but less stressful ( in terms of stress load ).

It's kind of amazing plus pitiful that human are always judgmental in some ways. I mean, you have a pretty face doesn't mean you are good in communication or whatsoever or else, you're ugly so please stay inside your room and never step out of the door. Is it the case?

Many times, we wish to see good arts. Just take Instagram as an example. You'll not really follow an account that has not nice photos. You'll rather follow some accounts of which photos are taken by an DSLR or photos which are all about portraits. Yes. We wish to have everything in perfect. Therefore, those who are ugly should stay in their rooms and never show their faces to me! Do you think like that?

Meanwhile, when  you're eliminating all those bad and ugly stuffs out of your vision, I suggest you to look into the mirror. Look at yourself and ask yourself, are you good enough? Can you live alone in the world? I guess the second question you're gonna answer No. Because we are all equal. There is no difference in priority for every human. We are human, we need love, we need to share, we need to accept and we need God.

***

I'm really happy and in the mean time, I feel unreal. Really unreal. 

I go to my church and have fellowship. My brothers and sisters in Christ are too lovely and friendly. They are helpful as well. I've never thought of being helped by others before. I'm serious. I look back to what I experienced during my high school time, I was a kid who was overwhelmed with hatred and loneliness. Nearly no one showed their kindness to me. And now, I'm feeling as if I've gone to Mars or somewhere else, because people are too good and kind. All I could do is to say thank ya to them. In my heart, I wish to help them or maybe hug them. Because they are too good. And, I'm not worth to be helped. Because I've done nothing.

Through them, I see how God's love has shined in their life.

Through them, I see how God has loved me.

Through them, I see how great God is. 

X

New and Old moments

Though the leaves fell, life of the tree still goes on.

Well, school started. Everything went well, except the fact that I kept showing my quiet and introvert style I have had from me. This shows how far the distance of socialization from me. Due to this, I'm a bit sad and sort of disappointed with myself, because I was so in to the subject of Sociology so much, yet, I fail to continue conversation with people that I've met.

I started having this lovely routine called devotion. In fact you don't know, devotion is a time which Christian reads Bible and pray to God. I read Bible like every night. I follow Daily Bread as my devotion guide. Well, after that, I write down the verses of the day in my little note book. I also write down 5 things I want to thank God, and 3 things I want to change ( sort of ).

Every time I do my devotion, I've gotta think of 5 things I want to say thanks to God. That is really a good idea for me to count and experience how great is our God.

Not to write too much, so I would like to share my photos during my trip to the Europe last December with you, my darling readers.

Lovely birds in one of the park of London, which I can't remember.

University of Nottingham.

Ex-student brought his new girlfriend.

Payphone. 

Well, smart phones nearly conquer the world nowadays.

Who is using payphone?

One of my best shoot, in Paris.

Close

Hi there. Today is a Sunday. I'm not very happy as tomorrow is Monday. Tomorrow I'm gonna go to school and do tons of homework that I'll never finish.

I'm writing this topic CLOSE, because I feel like I wanna close this blog.

You may be asking why am I so random?

I'll tell you the reason personally if you come and ask me.

Thanks for paying much attention on my blog. I'm so happy to have friends, family and people who I don't even know, reading my blog, having the curiosity on my life.

All I want to tell each of us is that God is love. Today is Easter Day. Nearly 2000 years ago, Jesus died on the cross for you and I ( all of us ). The grace of God shows the great great love of Him. I really wanna let you know Christ is your only way. He gives you strength and faith that your life can't live without him. You are loved, people!

I've wrote hundreds of blog posts on this blog since my first year of high school. And now I'm in my last year of high school. So, the first momentum of writing the first blog post was that time when I felt that being a Christian was a happy and joyful thing. I should live a joyful life. Therefore, I named this blog, Joy and Love. And in between these years, obviously I've changed the title but the themes were all around JOY AND LOVE. I named this website url joyful-jean. Jean is me and this Jean is joyful.

I really hope you understand what I message I really want to deliver to you. It is all about Joy and Love. Without God, you'll never ever find real love and real joy. There will never be peace in your heart.

Lastly, I really want you to know that God loves you. He can rescue you from a super bad situation.

GOD LOVES YOU

Thanks for reading my blog no matter when.
This is the last post.

With Love and Joy,
ALEGRIA Y AMOR,
Elisa Jean.

20.04.2014
Sunday
6:40 p.m

New

Hi there! I'm here blogging again. I don't like the feeling of blogging because I blog when I'm lazy. I'm lazy to do the works that I'm supposed to do. Anyway, now I feel extraordinary new.

NEW? What's it about?

Let me tell you. My guitar went hospital again. Still, there was a string snapped while I was having my guitar lesson. Imagine, something loud suddenly was being heard and you found out the thing was just in front of your heart. That's what my guitar the memory of my guitar gave to me. Anyway, the guitar strings were fixed with new strings. ( For your information, I got all the strings changed because my teacher suggested me to do so, plus, I don't want any of them snaps again.)  The strings are new now. And my guitar is now beside me!

COOL? I feel new. Besides, I bought a pants and  a top yesterday. You know, since I'm putting on my weight, my old clothes can't fit in with my body. Oh dear. This makes me feel like I should get a normal routine- exercise more!

Well, my life now is full of fun. You know, studying, reading lots of books that I wanna read, playing musical instruments, eating and also jogging.

I feel like my life is so good.

Apart from that, I also learnt many things from the Bible. Like what my friend, Tze- Ning said, we should have the thirst towards God's words. I should have that.

Here are some my photos, slowly being released...

Felicity!

Ignore my weird face. 

Thanks for reading my blog. 

Elisa Jean 

6.4.14

8:20 a.m

Felicity

Hi guys!

I'm so happy today. Not to say happy but I'm not sad, so I'm happy. Thinking about I can do many things at the age of 17, I'm happy. The joy and all that come to me.

While thinking about happiness, I think about the sad things that have happened to me and the people around me. I know this doesn't link well, but I think it links.

My tears fell down from my eyes on my cheeks before. I'm known as the person who cries a lot in my family. Dear readers, I know if you know me well enough, you know that I like crying. Well, crying makes me feel better. Crying makes me not to fear about the things around me but to concentrate on crying. You know, sometimes when we have bad feelings, we'll try to do something that actually makes us stop having negative feelings. That's it!

This year, I've cried before. Yea. I cried about the world. I cried about the evil world. I can't stand so many things. I can't stand people who are proud of themselves and the liars. I've no such power to say these words and judge people. So, may God help me in this way that I won't hate people but love them. Okay, back to my topic. Crying. As I said I cried about people who are being very proud of themselves and trying to control others. Others can have their own thoughts. ( This makes me feel like I'm sinning while writing this post ).

So, yea. Then, you might ask, 'What make you happy? '. I''m telling you now. Learning things makes me feel happy. The happiness is a thing that I can't write it in word. Learning musical instruments, learning something from the books and the bible or some more things make me feel joyful. I feel that God really loves me in the way that I'm able to do things and learn. That's amazing.

Well, sometimes I feel like I have a lot of hatred towards the people around me. This is the thing that I should change now. So, if you can help me, help me by prayers. Because it helps a lot.

Having hatred actually makes people feel unhappy and angry. Sometimes, it is worst. So, why don't we just forget how people show their black faces to you? Instead think that they actually feel that the black faces are their most beautiful. That's why they show them to you!

Recently I've been listening to this guy's youtube songs. The songs he played are fantastic. I guess you know who he is. He is Sungha Jung! Okay. I'm not promoting him to you, but sharing good things with you. I get my blog post idea from one of his songs' titles.

Here you go!

Felicity ( by Sungha Jung )

Felicity (noun): 1. Happiness. 2. a pleasing feature.

Thanks for reading the post. 

Elisa Jean. X

21.02.2014

6.00 p.m