Never Feel Scared!

Hi peeps. It has been a long while I haven't not blogged. I wasn't around because I was in church camp, Bk Quiz and tired.

Back to the time when I was with my friends in CHS ( Catholic High School ) being a recorder. I was sort of stupid at first. Basically, we arrived CHS at 7 something. Before that we gathered at Taman Bahagia LRT. I walked there alone at 6:00 a.m. I could say I had turned my head for more than 10 times though the walk was only 1 minute.We went CHS by train and we did a bit of walking. I  was a cool experience, I would say. By the time we were there, we got our breakfast. I was too full to eat that. So, I didn't take. Just as nearly everyone finished the breakfast, we went doing the BK Quiz. I expected it to be hard. But then the quiz ended up to be super duper hard. The questions even asked about the sequence and all that. And the night before this, I did my revision from the last chapter to the first one.

After that, we went and changed our clothes. All of us wore greyish colour tee. Then we went down. We had P and W session. This was what I amazed about. They could do Praise and Worship in the open air ( in the car park lot ). In my school, we couldn't do it, because there would be people who "be song " ( not happy ). Glory to the Lord, I still can see Malaysia's school has this praise and worship in the car park lot where everyone will walk by.

Then, we went back to the hall and started our work. I was a bit scared that I couldn't manage the things, but ended up I could. Glory to the Lord. I was in charged of two teams, which afterward they weren't in the next stage of the competition. One was from CHS and one team was from Subang Utama. They did their quiz and I recorded down the marks. At the end of the quiz, the Subang Utama team gave me a paper which they had drawn. They said the paper was a souvenir for me.

After that I was asked to be the finalist recorder. I struggled because I was scared that I would make mistake or what. But then there was a thing came to my mind - Nothing Is Impossible With God. So, I said yes. Then, I did it. Glory to the Lord.

After all, we went to A&W, but there was a long queue due to that shop was closing down. We ended up in McD ( Amcrop Mall ). Then, we went to Book Excess. And my best friend, Audrey, bought the Divergent ( Book 4 ). She said it was the best thing ever. Because she got the book at the price below RM20 and it was a hard cover book. ( My face was like: -.- ) She bought it. Then she told me this was the first book of the Divergent. Then I said no. Then we checked, she just knew that it was BOOK 4. She was kind of upset. HAHA. Back to me, I saw a Dictionary and I bought it. I was only RM 14.90. Then we went to LRT station ( Audrey, Me, Alwin ).

***** ***** *****

It was a Sunday. I went to church. I wore a tee with a skirt and a sandal. I brought my heart there and listened to the sermon. 

At the evening ( 6:00 p.m ), I was in the camp. I thought I would be the very first one to arrive, but then I wasn't. Because the others were too early. So, yea. Then we had like a small prayer meeting there. And we prayed for things. After that, I did some helping ( though I didn't think I really helped, whatever.. ). Something strange happened. I saw someone who looked like my friends' brother. But then Emily said the person wasn't their brother. But I said yes. After asking them, the person was their cousin. And I was like: Why on earth has got people who look alike. ( By this point, I should say I'm really bad at differentiate people, that's why I'm a twin. )

Then we had the praise and worship. And talks. Something that I kept remember was that I was not alone, I was with God. God was the one who always strengthened me. These were what I thought. The talks were about characters. Before this, I strongly believed that the characters were the only things that could influence people. And through these talks, I learnt that I was right. Glory to the Lord. 

Just a small thing to share here. Before this I suffered from a dreadful illness - LSE- Low Self- Esteem. And I was also a person who were sensitive. And because of these two combination, I was half- dying. I couldn't face myself. I couldn't talk to people because I refused to. I won't say Hi when I saw anyone. I would just run away when I was scared. I was scared. 

It was really amazing about what God had planned. He made me went for the BK Quiz, followed by the Camp. In the camp, especially the Talent Show, I wasn't ready for it. I was scared because I was the leader of my team. I didn't know what to tell them. And my teammates didn't know how to act, express the whole story out. I was really helpless. Plus, Jia Yong wasn't always there ( she gotta do some preparation for the games ). I was so scared. What I wanted to thank God was that everything went smoothly and Jia Yong wasn't that busy and she could help me to direct the whole team. I could tell, I shouldn't be that scared. 

I could say what always surrounded me was the feeling of scared. The feeling of no faith in God. I couldn't bear anything on my own. It's like I can't do anything. 

We, people, have to get up and say no to the fear. No more fear. God is not a God who loves fear. 

With Philip ( the only photo I have -.- in the camp )

* photo from Teacher Jennifer

Our team! JOSEPH! 

Never feel scared, because nothing is impossible with God. 

My current task. 

Thanks for reading! 

Love you,

Elisa Jean.

1.8.2014

9:40 a.m

Friday 

Act or Wait?

I can't believe that today is the end of the holiday. I'm now here, writing my blog post. It is a norm that I always have my nap before dinner. So, you can guess, I just woke up from my nap.

Today is a Sunday. I went to the church in the morning, and went for the afternoon lunch ( sort of in a ball room, but not that formal one ) with my church people. I simply wore a tee- shirt and a skirt. I complained the skirt was too short because it was really short. So, I won't buy something like that any more. Never.

For the hot weather, I sweated throughout the whole session ( Sunday School ) in church. After all, it was just a period of time that I got my body water out and got new water in. That's all.

I finished the Deuteronomy which I found it was quite interesting. Because it stated people who sin should be stone to death or sentence to death. The whole book was about olden days' laws. I could see how people in the past they lived. They lived in a condition where only God was their God and they had to obey their only God's rules. If not, they would die. Because of not being loyalty to their Lord.

Much of the laws were about how people sinned through their actions, like adultery and murdering. Today I am thinking how people nowadays sin through their thinking ( Exp: Looking lustfully at a beautiful girl / A beautiful girl smiles lustfully at a guy ). So, then I kept thinking how I have sinned. Then, I felt so bad.

It is cool for people to think and think about things that are hard to be thought. However, it is really hard to actually act it out. Like, I want to be a super duper good pianist. So, I think that I should practise 2 hours a day so that it is enough and I will get used to one music piece and able to express the whole song. However, there is no action, the 2 hours end up being used for taking a nap before dinner. You, see the importance of action? Therefore, I tell myself to be still and determined in the way that I can discipline myself and use my time with the actions that have in my mind but not yet in my body.

For the whole year, I have been in a lonely mood. The day before yesterday, I closed myself in my room and listened to two songs - MR. LONELY by Bobby Vilton and THE LONELY by Christina Perri. The melodies were sad and the lyrics were as lonely as they were. Back to me, I stopped the whole extra activities in school because I just want have a peaceful days in 2014. And then I felt so happy about the my decision. Thanks God for that.

Ok, I know I'm very random because I always fail to write or speak something in a sequence. So, I wish you understand what I meant.

Thanks for reading my blog.
You know, God is still loving me ( see I'm now free from what I don't like, at least ) and he loves you!

Elisa Jean
7:20 p.m
15 June 2014

The Inside and Outside

I've always wanted to blog about something that I've learnt.

INSIDE & OUTSIDE
It's easy to blog about things. I love writing but I don't write good. I'm sort of fed up about people telling me that my English is such a shame of mine. I admit that I don't have a good English, and I can't speak English.

OUTSIDE
Last weekends I went for a church ' camp'. There were talks about how to sing correctly, how to be a good chairman in church service and the Christian year plus the importance of singing hymns. I feel thankful about all the talks because I learnt a lot. I learnt that playing musical instruments can be one of the way to glorify God's name. So, I really have to practise my guitar and piano hardly.

INSIDE
Well, the whole feeling of participating the camp is like ups and downs. I'm scared about people talking to me. Even though a HALO is dreadful enough. I feel like the lesser people talking to me, the better I feel. This is a  really serious problem. I can't bear with the fear, can I? So every time I just tell myself that it is okay to talk to people and there is nothing scary. It is because God is always with me. Thanks God.

OUTSIDE
I don't know how people look at me. Well, I think I look scary and dreadful. I don't look friendly, do I? Well, I don't care. I smile every time when people has got the eye contact with me. Haha.

INSIDE AND OUTSIDE
I closed facebook for 2 months. It was a great thing not having facebook but the messenger only. You don't get to know what your friends in facebook do. For the two months I feel like disconnected to the whole and that is a good feeling. Because nowadays people can't be disconnected to the world. The world needs them? Or they need the world?

OUTSIDE
I went to shopping last week but I didn't manage to buy the book that I want to buy. SAD. I always think that reading books is a pathway to the success. Obviously what I think is more important than reading books is that reading Bible and be a righteous man. Only then you can succeed. I went shopping and brought back mango's magazine. I flipped through them and amazed with the sight and the feeling that the models could present.

INSIDE
I've always been dreaming about being a fashion designer. This is because I feel like insecure when I don't have a pretty clothes on my body. This is really sad. And I always wanted to be a model. But my height tells me that I can't. However both these unreal dreams come to an end because I feel like I have to know about laws and the laws that God has set since the first day of the world. Due to the fact that I really want to be a lawyer or even a politician, I read about the deuteronomy. Well, I haven't finished so yea, still a lot more to  go. Despite the fact that I'm lack of understanding in laws, my English is not good too. And I always know that God will make this as a testimony of mine.

HARDWORKING TIME
It is hard to get your whole body up to work after a long rest. Basically I set today is the day to start the whole things up. I planned what to do for today. Well, now I feel like I'm writing this blog post with my shameless poor English. I'm gonna be hardworking. Let this point starts today.

GOD'S WORDS
God's words are what we really need to live by. Let's God be our God who care about all the things.

Thanks a lot for reading my blog post.
Elisa Jean.
4/6/2014
Wednesday
8:02 a.m

Discovering the life.

Hi guys. It has been a long time I didn't write blog post. I just do some quick review about the reasons of me stop writing for weeks. 

I stopped writing because I felt like I were writing things which were about my life, without connecting them with God. And those were my sins and stupid thoughts about myself. I was self centered. I was glorifying my own name, Elisa Jean.

I don't know if you are a Christian or no, but I know I'm a Christian who really needs to do what god wants me to do. I first started writing this blog was because I felt the love from God that time. I named it Joy and Love. And my URL is joyful-jean.blogspot.com. The whole purpose is to let people ( my readers) to know more about the all mighty god. However, lately, I've not been doing what my fist and only aim was. I was blogging about my luxurious life, my dreamful life, my future without God, money and etc.

I want to thank god about what he has done on me. I personally want to say this is the glory of god and his grace is always here with me. AMEN. 

I'll continue writing blog post so as to use use what god has given me to strengthen myself and a good person and glorify his name. Only his name.

Thank you.

Love you guys.