Every Man Makes a Different

Hi there! So, it's like one weeek time till SPM ( a big exam of Certificate of Malaysia Education ). I'm pretty excited about the coming life. I would probably love to do part time job during my pre- U time. But it is not right to think and dream about it now. So, I'll stop myself. I just finished having my Sunday School in church. It was a new teacher teaching us today. I'm a bit amazed with my Sunday School teachers intelligence and perspective. They are amazing and they rock! Cool thing about it is that we had a discussion about Christ as a helping stick. If you are wondering what was that I'm gonna tell you now. To me, Chirst is not a helping stick but He is like oxygen, supplying everything to me. If you ask me whether being a Christian is easy or not, I would like to say NO. It's not really easy. Because being a Christian is meant to live a life of Christian. Like I have to do what Christians supposed to do. I don't mean to day I'm forced to be one. I'm telling how good I'm as a Christian. We, Christians, always have been people goodie goodie stereotype. It's true that a Christian is meant to do good things, help people, being able to sacrifice for people and love everyone. We don't curse people, we never being taught to hate people. So, if you have that stereotype towards Christians, it's okay. So, we do have that stereotype towards ourselves. Don't ever think that I'm a goodie goodie. I mean yes, maybe you think I'm a badie badie or a goodie goodie. That's not important. One important thing is that WE ARE HUMAN WHO HAVE SINS. Cool thing about me is that I'm trying my best to love people around me. If you think a badie badie, tell me how bad I'm and I will correct myself. I wanna to change myself becoming a goodie goodie. Who doesn't like being a goodie goodie? Telling me your stereotype towards me is a good thing to me. I wish you can like maybe comment on this post. Or if you have any problems or difficulties, perhaps you can tell me about it, or maybe not too detail, so that I can pray for you. Thanks!

Relationships

I have this freaking thing in my nerves. I want to write something.

Well, I just read JianHao's blog. ( I'm sure you know who he is, he is the very famous Youtuber). I really admire the way those Youtubers. They have dreams. They work for their dreams. 

I often wonder why people have this bravery and also potential to do what they want. They see the dark side bright, they see the bright side hope. In return, they are famous and they have gained a lot of attention from people all around the world. 

I wonder how their parents teach them. The Youtubers are so brave and dare to dream. I start to think how their parents encourage them, or discourage them. Also, how they brought up their kids. I'm never a brave ones. And how my parents have brought me up.

Thinking of next year maybe gonna go overseas to study my pre-U. I'm quite excited about it. I'll be studying some subjects which I think are quite interesting. I love sociology. So taking Law as my degree is what I would want to do. You know, working for something you love to do is like the feeling of joy and good.

I just glanced through some fashion blogger look books. They are pretty nice. I can say, if you are a fashion blogger, you would probably have to be rich in money. And also full of bravery and self esteem. Without one if them, you can't really be a fashion blogger.

Well, I'm just being a bit nonsense here since the start of this post. Actually what I've seen, I probably think about it. You know, what you wear can definetely be a communication between you and yourself, you and others, and you and God. 

One reason of I don't persist my fashion dream as a fashion designer is that because fashion will be out one day, but the laws of God will never out. I hope you see my point. Seriously, I want you to understand. 

So, yea. Here is the end of my nonsense post.

Elisa

Super Life

Hi there! 

I'm super duper excited about college life. I know it is gonna be a tough time for me next year since I'm not mentally prepared. 

I'm as usual - doing revision, playing the guitar and piano and sleeping. I feel like I wanna use up all my time just study. But I fail to do so. 

Guess what? I've got a new phone few days ago. It's not a normal thing for people at.my age having a handphone, but it's a not normal thing for me to have one. I feel like, wow, I still don't know how to use a phone. 

I got this, Sony Xperia M2. I can tell.you, this phone is super cool. Like I can type things out and haha. Just normal handphone. Mine is white in colour, which I think is a perfect colour for a handphone. And the size is just nice! ( though it's still too big to be put in my pocket) 

Unlike others, I love changing my wallpaper. Because wallpaper is so cool. 

Today is a Sunday School Sunday in my church. Our youth group was presenting a dance. I wasn't in the dance, because of the fact that I couldn't attend the practice and the rehasal. It's the weirdest reason ever. Looking at my friends dancing on the stage, I feel like I'm not doing my job as one of the leader in the youth group. It was a weird feeling. 

Anyway, I really feel touched by the speech that was shared by one of the Sunday school teacher. As a Christian, I should always be the active one. Reflect on myself, I feel like I'm really passive in thinking and also actions. Her sharing was about BUILD. She shared unity. I feel like I never united with my friends. Oh why! 

I still have got many to learn. 

Here is a new song by Owl City which I love.

Thanks for reading.

And enjoy the song! 

Elisa 

12.10.14

SUNDAY

Seek Love

I have no idea what words can describe me now. I'm at a state when I love things around me and I hate myself but at the same time I love myself. They are mixed feelings.

I love looking around the people. I always think what they are thinking. It's like my hobby. I can't help it. I love thinking about why people would react things with such expression and also action. It's like he/she is the only person has the chance to experience this at this particular time, and he/she does whatever. That whatever makes me curious. And that's lovely.

I wonder God too! I once placed myself in his position. Though I know it's really like I didn't understand why he does this, but eventually, I just understood. Thanks God, it's good to write blog at the morning.

I've enconuterd people who seek for love. As if like the love they are seeking will disappear. They are like wolfs, seeking for the meats, the alive meats. Allow me to describe this sort of situation using this so-true description. They can't help falling in love. They can't help receiving no love. Does that what love really mean?

I don't have much love story (I'm talking about that love). But I read a love of love story ( not really, because to me, reading like 5 books of love stories considered a lot ). I read how people can't resist their desire. DESIRE.

Everyone has desires. That's true. You might be asking, hey Elisa, won't you have one?

Yes.

Sometimes desires are good, some aren't. The desires can make you feel energetic! At that time you feel like you'll love to follow your desire. But that's time when you loss your rational thinking.

Trust me, seek for God when your desire is calling you, and you don't know is it okay to follow it.

Elisa Jean
8/10/14
Morning
Wed

Bleed

Good evening? Or perhaps Good night! 

I've not been updating my blog for a long time. I wouldn't like saying it "updating", because it feels like I'm forced to do something. So, I've not been writing my blog for a long time.

People always ask me about what I miss about in Sarawak ( my hometown ). I often say my old friends and the beaches, sunsets, and the warmth of Foo Chow language. It's not too much if I say I miss the innocent of the people there. 

I miss the innocent me and the Bintulu, Sarawak people. Their thoughts of sharing love with their friends and the way they love the people around them are what I hardly find in here, Peninsular Malaysia. I miss it very much.

The way i help you because you are my friends, and vice versa. It's so nice. If the action of love of them is drawn in a picture, I'll never hesitate to buy that picture, looking at it every night, instead of writing a blog post. That's so nice! 

What do I love about the things here, Peninsular Malaysia?

The clothes shops here, the excess here and also the fast momentum here. You'll ask - Friends? I'll say, yes, maybe two or three. To be honest, I'm never a country person. I like the developed city but with greener looks. I would like to live in a city, but not a country.

I enjoy shopping the most in Peninsular Malaysia. Walking in and out the shops in the mall, checking price tags, struggling which one to buy, being tired of walking in the mall. Though I'm short of money, still I love walking in the mall and enjoying the smell of fashion and style. It's full of colours.

Recently I've too much uneasy decisions to make. 

For example: 

My classmates keep being absent in school. The revision exercise paper that teachers giving are like tons of them. Teachers, who are being helpful and high in expectation, expect us ( the ones who present ), help the absents to keep the paper and stuffs like that. I know being a friend of my classmates should be helpful. But it's really hard for me to do this everyday! Seriously, everyday! 

I'm not sure if I'm irresponsible. I feel so remorseful and feel like killing myself like that after has decided not to keep for them. At last, I keep(kept). 

It's like people taking advantages on me. I'm frustrated. I'm sure I shouldn't be frustrated. I can't help it.

The world is too old for me, and the world is bleeding.

Elisa Jean

11:50 p.m 

3/9/14

FRI

Just a Dream

It's cool to sit on the left side of my bed, typing out whatever I wanna to share through this blog. 

Maintaining a blog is not a difficult job, you just have to keep it updated and writing something catchy or perhaps, new and interesting. I wonder if my blog is a blog of which my readers never feel bored about it. I wish I'd lighten up your dim life, with my sharings through my words. 

I don't wanna make you feel like I wanna eat you, or maybe feel like I like praising myself. I don't praise myself, really! I mean all are from God, there is nothing to be glad about what I've achieved. Because I'm achieving them with God's power. 

You might wanna close the tab of my blog now, because you feel like I'm always talking about God. And you don't seem to have any interest on Him. I'll say, FINE. 

Cool things happened in school today. I read my history textbook, and felt a little pressured, because I didn't do well in my trials exams. I'm gonna work hard. Really! I want! God is helping me.

I'm really stressed out now, because I haven't done my very best in all. I mean yea, I'm with God, God is with me. There are still times when I feel strengthless, because I'm only a human. 

Planning what to do next year really freaks me out. The Plan A and Plan B have many differences. In case you don't know what will probably gonna happen next year is that my family won't be in KL, but will move to other place ( but still in Malaysia ). I maybe studying in KL or maybe just go overseas? I don't know. My parents are mischievous, they have different kinds of plans, which I feel they are all not-going-to-work plans. So, why do I bother? 

Well, I've been writing crabs for have the blog post. I just wanna write something! 

Sometimes, I really dream of being a FASHION DESIGNER. I dream that I've my own trademark, and shops all around the world. Models are doing runway and photoshooting for the beautifully designed clothes. And those upper money status people keep flooding the shops of "mine" and snatching all the bags, shoes, dresses, then paying cash at the counters. Back to reality, Elisa! 

There are times when I think of myself being in an office, calculating data, and doing research for some cases. In fact you don't know what I mean, my ambition is to be a lawyer. So, yea, I dream and dream and dream. I dream myself being a musician. Playing piano about the whole day to get the fantastic flow of a music piece, like I'm a music crazy, imaging myself dancing with the music notes gracefully without noticing how people looking at me. That's cool, because it's only just DREAMS.

Now I'm lying down on my bed, like a turtle, with my back facing upward. I'm still typing this blog post, like it will never end. Every day, every new hope. There's always hope and dream. If you connect them, there is a solution- WORK HARD. I think it's better to be in the other way round, 

WORK HARD + GOD ~> HOPE + DREAMS

Let's NEVER EVER GIVE UP.

Thanks for reading!

Elisa

11:11 p.m 

Wed

24.9.14

Sudden feel of Laziness and Hardwork

Hi guys!

I hasn't been a long while I wrote a post.

I went to church today. I learnt something. Yes. Something!

Once I strongly longed for life after retirement. How i wished that I could earn a lot of money and enjoy them in the rest of life.  I thought of working as a piano teacher,  guitar teacher or perhaps a lawyer. And I could earn tons of money and use it. That's what I used to wish.

Today in church, i learnt something new. Not to say something new, it's more probably a refreshment for me. It cleared my blurry vision towards my future life. I thank God for today's precious lesson.

So, what's the lesson today?
Work for something that can last long, like super long. Like even after I die. Basically the lesson is about working on the things that God wants me to do. Never waste my time doing something unecessary. It's still a long term homework for me. I can do it with God!

Currently I'm in the church,  waiting for the committee meeting to start. There are like thousands of earth worms on my body, sticky and yucky. I feel nervous. Exactly nervous. I can't help being nervous. I'm scared that I will do something wrong. That something makes my current feeling grows and grows, becomes bigger and bigger. That's what I always feel.

I'm writing this post at this particle moment because I don't feel like reading the book that I've bought to the church which I wish to use it to make my boredom gone. But this plan fails. Because instead of reading, I write this post. How stupid I'm.

Well. Gonna end now.

The rate of Holiday

Hi guys! Today is such a happy day, though I haven't stepped out of the door yet. Being inside my house for the whole morning since I woke up made me successfully finished reading my 3rd book of this holiday. Oh man! I spent most of this holiday focusing my eyes on every page of the thoughts of different authors, sucking their knowledge and their roller-coaster stories. It's wonderful, I can tell. But at the same time, I strongly feel the stress and pressure that are given from my undone exam practise books. 

I'm sort of calm about my coming public exams in November. But actually I'm not. I really worry about it and try to do something, so as to smoth myself. The feelings of mine towards the exams are a mixture. I don't bother to know what are inside. Because I've more curiosity on doing my revision than finding out what's inside my brain and my heart. 

So, I've 2 music lessons today. Not in one shot, but it's almost like one shot. Playing guitar makes me feel more pressured. Every time I play it, I feel like there are tears rolling in the windows of my both eyes. My hands are always out of control, my mind is not concentrating. How am I gonna reach my goal, since I can't even drive my dream?

Ever since Emily, my twinnie stopped going for the piano every week with me this month, I feel like one piece of my heart can't blend together with the music I play with piano. What's wrong with me? Nothing wrong, I'm just being myself. The Elisa who are timid and fears of almost everything in the world except eating delicious food. 

Well, I've spent some of my holiday time jogging in the park nearby my house. I only jog like 10 rounds of the park for approximately 20 minutes or less than that. I feel fat everyday. I mean yeah, I've gained my weight, and which is not very good because I easily feel tired when going shopping with my family. You know, we do a lot of walking while shopping. And my legs can't withstand the weight of my body. That's bad. 

Should this post ends here? 

YES!

My eyes are so tiring, let them chill down and let my body rest.

Thanks for reading my holiday update, wish you a happy holiday!

Elisa X

18/9/14

Thurs 

Culture

Hi there!

Ever wonder the reason I'm so desperate to study overseas? Mixing with different hair colours people, speaking awesome accent of English, doing something crazy. It'll gonna be a great experience if I'm out of Asia. Something good will happen to me, won't it? 

The desperation of being in other country has triggered me and filled my mind. I can't wait to go out of my country, my comfort zone, my dearest family and friends. Going there will be a tough thing, maybe. 

It's because of the culture of the Eroupe countries, America and Australia. The bravery of the people there, like they never care if they do something wrong. Like there never has FAULT. They do it because they want to. The way they are brave, make me more amazed and desire to go there and do my bachelor degree study. ( I'm kind of SICK with it, sorry people )

It's like God never appears in their lives. What I mean is that what I THINK the EROUPIANS believe themselves. They have high self esteem which you'll not punch them because of that because you really love the way they act it boldly. 

I'm kind of scared that I'll love being without God. ( why so random? ) Like I love their cultures because of their fearless towards God. ACCORDING TO THE NOVELS I'VE READ, they don't care about rules. So what's wrong with me? Or them?

I don't know if you get what I mean. I bet you don't. Because it's a mix thoughts of mine. I'm typing them out, so that I can sort them out. You know, like not being so sinful in my thinking. God, rescue me!

I just finished reading the book If I Stay by Gayle Forman. It's a nice book, the characters are well described. And the lifestyle of the main characters hits my heart. As if I want to go America now, and being with the people there. I'm like I wanna change myself, a completely different Elisa. But I know there is no way. 

I thank God for being with me all the time. Whenever I want to do something weird with the little boldness in myself, He puts out the fire. ( I know it's a bit imaginative for you to understand what I'm trying to tell you ) 

Thanks for reading my bloggie. 

Feel free to write any comments. 

Elisa O

8:40 a.m 

Mon

15/9/14

Orange Marmalade

Hey peeps! I don't wanna scare you with my last post and this post. Because I kinda wanna share what currently happening to me. 

After trials exam, I'm attracted to this Korean Manga thing. It's ORANGE MAMARLADE. I really love the story and the drawing. The characters are well potraited and drawn. 

What is the story about?

It's about a vampire girl who was loved by a handsome, well built human guy. The vampire girl kind of struggling about her identity, because she scared that she would be hated. 

Left: Baek Ma Ri     Right: Jung JaeMin

Somehow this story is too chessy, but the drawings are AWESOME! They are well colored. Just love the way that the pictures are drawn. ( sorry, I'm too obssessed with drawing! )

I have my favourite character in this story. He is too cool and good looking ( LOL ). I love his hair the most! People come on, this is just a KOREAN MANGA.

Han Si Hoo! <3

Okay, my post should end here.

Elisa jean

8:00 a.m

Sunday

P.s. Dear artist of Orange marmalade, I don't know if it is okay to share some parts of the manga here. If it's not okay, I apologize. I just wanna share what I love to my friends! Thanks. 

Bold

I can't remember when I used to be bold, like little kid, who never thinks before he does anything. Or perhaps, like an artistic who draws without sketching. I used to be bold.

Everyday I go to school. The same school. I never like calling my secondary school as HIGH SCHOOL. Because high school sounds so perfect, interesting and full of teen stories. I seldom do what people do during their high school time. They hang out every weekend, after exams, and etc. or even go dating ( whatever ). I like the feeling like my secondary school is a place where I get knowledge. A place where it fills my brain with useful stuffs and prepares me to face the bigger world outside the school. I love my secondary school.

It is like 3 months I'll be leaving my school. Unchanging lifestyle in school of mine never changed. I'm still a unsociable bug, who refuses to let my secondary school life, becomes a high school life. Classmates around me keep changing their style, or I would like to say DEVELOPING THEMSELVES. As the older I grow, the older I see. 

Yesterday was Mooncake Festival. Normally we, Chineses, play lanterns, eat Mooncake and watch the big round moon at this night. My trials exams finished yesterday. After I went back from school, I allowed myself to be lazy for another's 4 hours afternoon of the day. At 7:00 p.m, I had my dinner. My dad wasn't back that time. My house only left me, my mum, my twinnie, my bro. My elder sisters were here. After dinner, my aunt came around. She brought lanterns. I used to love playing lantern, walking around the house garden, enjoying the aroma and the warmth that moon has reflected from the sun. It was lovely. It is not lovely. 

Rather than having a walk outside, I stayed on my seat, did one set of Add Maths Paper 2. ( Revision after exams? Owh ) i never thought I was this old. I'm old. 

I had no interest in playing the lanterns. And I didn't feel like having a peer to the moon. How dare me? Am I too late to realise I'm too old? I would rather stay in house than go outside to play them. Well, I think that's not old young problem, it's ELISA HAS CHANGED PROBLEM. 

Cool people think cool things. Melancholic people think melancholically. That's what I do. I think melancholically. I used to have good relationships with my relatives. I love them. However, since this year new year was over, I never even feel NOSTALGIA. The worst part about it was that I didn't go back to my hometown since the new year was ended. My father always wants me phone my grannies, and to have some talks with them. I never dare to do that. I'm remorseful. I feel like I've done something wrong. I stopped being NOSTALGIA.

Perhaps, I'm getting more and more scared about things that I used to do. There is no boldness to be seen in my current life. I'm too small to be bold. I'm to young to be bold. 

But I never stop TRYING to be BOLD.

Thanks for reading my weekly update. 

Love you guys.

Hope you guys enjoy it!

Any comments? Just write down there or Facebook message me. 

Elisa jean O 

9.9.14

Tues

4:25 p.m 

I like Paul

Hi guys! How are you?

It has been a whole week of exams. My friends are supermen and superwomen. They have been lacking of sleeps. Not like me, I don't even care about TRIAL EXAMS.

Anyway, I'm wondering where to go and where to study after the November Public Test. Thinking of going to Methodist College KL. Doing A- Levels? Or AUSTMAT? Owh dear, I've no idea.

I'm sort of excited about college life, because I have never been a college student before!

It's like go across the line which I never dare to cross. Meeting new people, no more DONKEY FACES. Or perhaps, become more mature?

Well, MATURITY is not something that I really want to seek for. What really make me curious about are the acts of Paul. Dear lovely Paul.

Wonder who is Paul? My lover? No no. The " PAUL " is not my uncle nor any one. Paul is the Saul in Acts, Bible. He was a former tax collector ( if I'm not wrong ) during the Rom ( I guess? ). He hated the Christians a lot. But once he was a Christian, he did a lot of preaching and teaching and all the stuffs.

One of the thing amazed me was that during that time, in church the people shared things. Like what they had earned, they shared. And shared and shared and shared.

SHARE!

I never like sharing. But God wants me to share my things with the poor with people who have nothing. The more I have, the more I have to share!

Dear! My selfishness is a dreadful thing for me. I want to change but it is like never gonna be changed!

Thinking about no sharing, the world are full of cold hearts. COLD.

That is what I've always been. A cold and selfish person. There's no way for a person like me be loved or liked by people.

So,  BEING SELFISH IS AN ACTION OF LOVING YOURSELF TOO MUCH.

Peeps, let's us share our things.

First will be time, then food ( for me >.< ).

NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE WITH GOD.


Gambateh
Elisa Jean O
31.8.14

P.s MERDEKA! Today is MALAYSIA INDEPENDENT DAY! So proud of Malaysia.

Short, Quick!

Hi peeps!

I just wanna post something short.

I am currently having my TRIALS exams. I'm sort of lazy for the whole exams. Well, I'll reenergise a after writing thins post ( hopefully ). 

So, current hot topic in my life is - WHAT TO STUDY AFTER SPM.

One thing I'm very excited about after SPM is not PROM, but it my family trip to ( maybe ) NZ. That's gonna be fun because NZ's December is SUMMER! I love summer! ( I'm sort of OLAF from FROZEN )

Anyway, I got chosen for National Service. I hope I'll get to go Sarawak or my favourite place in malaysia- SABAH. #foreverborneopeople

Well, I plan to study in MCKL since my twin wants it so much. She's gonna start her study in January. But I won't join her. Because I'll be in NS ( Hopefully ). Then maybe in march, I can join her.

I'll be studying A- Level, since MCKL has A- level course starts in March. 

This post should end here. I'm gonna write an essay. 

Bye.

Elisa jean XO

Sunday.

It's not a Curse

Hi guys!

I believe many of you guys had heard about me being chosen in NS. And before I knew it, I listed down the good and the not good. Here is the list:

GOOD
1. I can lose weight
Basically I heard about many of them who went NS gained weight. And the food there are kari and all that. Well, since I'm a bit lipid phobic, I think I can reduce my weight.

2. I can tone my body
NS is full of exercises? And team building? Or socializing?
Well, going for NS, I can learn how to crawl up a tree, do many times of pumping ( ? ), for sure, I can  be muscular!

3. Train my discipline
Basically I'm not very discipline but a bit discipline. I can be trained to be super powerful in time management? I guess so.

4. I can get money
Can I get money for going to NS? I heard there is money, but I'm not sure.
If I gotta get it, then, why not?

5. NS builds out going personality
So, I wish to be more outgoing.

6. It's God's will
Yes. I wanna to know how tough it will be ( seems like most of my friends are scared of NS ), so that I can train my strength. God is always there with me.


NOT GOOD
1. 3 months not playing GUITAR
This is a suffer. I can't live without guitar? Erm, I think it should be : I WILL NOT BE OKAY WITH A DAY WITHOUT PLAYING GUITAR.

2. 3 months not playing PIANO
Since the day I have replayed piano, I wish to reach my very own target : GET A GRADE 8 PIANO CERT. And after this year, I may not have opportunities to play piano. ( I may be going overseas studying foundation ) Plus, I love piano too!

So, at the end, NS is not a curse. Please, people, I'll be right back after 3 months ( within these I still can meet my family right? )

Praise The Lord for everything!

With love,
Elisa jean.
16.08.14
Sat

( p.s Today is Greyson Chance's birthday, HAPPY BIRTHDAY GREYSON! )

A Curios

Heyyo!

Let's talk about yesterday. I was in the sketch team ( BAD DAY ). And yea, I acted like a NOOB. I was so noob there, like a piece of wood. Well, it was kind of hard for me to act because I never have had acting talent. 

Anyway, I wanna talk about PHONE. I always wonder what people use phone for? ( especially smart phone ) After having tons of thinking about why people use phone, I decided to ask them. 

I asked my friends, their replies were - TALKING CRAPS. 

To this point, I feel so... I'm a person who doesn't like talking craps ( that's why you always see me with my THAT FACE. To be honest, I feel like talking craps is just wasting time. So, people, next time try talk about something knowledgeable, or perhaps, just important stuff.

Well, I think I'm the only odd one who never like talking craps ( in the phone ). Well, if you want to talk something that you think is craps, yes, you can chat with me, because I never want to stop talking with people. ( I'm kind of slap my own face? )

My current feeling is good. I still have many chapters not studied. 

Thanks for reading my critical thoughts. 

Your still can message me or chat with me, or LEAVE A COMMENT, COMMENTSSS.

Elisa jean 

9.8.14

Saturday

8:35 a.m 

A Quick Thought

Hi there! I wonder if there is anyone reading this blog post, since I won't be sharing this on Facebook. Because I closed Facebook. 

Well, Emily is sort of telling me something about her future. She wants to study overseas so badly. She hopes she could just study in somewhere next year. She wants to take double bachelors ( Surgery and Medication ). 

So, what about me? 

I wish I could study here, Malaysia, for my pre U. Maybe AusMat or A- Level, in any college. I'm sort of afraid that I won't be taken by any U. Well, God is with me.

My parent (dad, obviously ) says it's okay for us to study straightly in overseas. 

So I starts to be panic. Ugh... What I'm worry about is that I WONT GET TO LEARN PIANO AND GUITAR ANYMORE. I'm sad sad sad. 

You may suggest that I can learn overseas, but I tell you one lesson fee is equal to 4 lessons in Malaysia. I love Malaysia. 

What's your ambition? ( Lonely person always asks herself question and answers it herself )

I wanna be a lawyer. Probably lawyer who can involve in politics. It has been 7 months that I'm thinking about giving my life to the citizens of malaysia. I just can't help being emphathy with people around me. The people who suffer from poverty. Even not poverty, they are many of them can't appreciate the best things in their lives. They are many of them don't know about God. There are many of them can't stop being sinful ( I know I'm sinful, but we can try not... ).

Well, this is my short post. I wonder there are people reading. If you are, just leave a comment or whatever me, so that I know!

Anything wanna to pray for you, you can also write down or pm me through Facebook messenger. 

Thanks.

XO

Elisa Jean.

2.8.2014

Saturday

Never Feel Scared!

Hi peeps. It has been a long while I haven't not blogged. I wasn't around because I was in church camp, Bk Quiz and tired.

Back to the time when I was with my friends in CHS ( Catholic High School ) being a recorder. I was sort of stupid at first. Basically, we arrived CHS at 7 something. Before that we gathered at Taman Bahagia LRT. I walked there alone at 6:00 a.m. I could say I had turned my head for more than 10 times though the walk was only 1 minute.We went CHS by train and we did a bit of walking. I  was a cool experience, I would say. By the time we were there, we got our breakfast. I was too full to eat that. So, I didn't take. Just as nearly everyone finished the breakfast, we went doing the BK Quiz. I expected it to be hard. But then the quiz ended up to be super duper hard. The questions even asked about the sequence and all that. And the night before this, I did my revision from the last chapter to the first one.

After that, we went and changed our clothes. All of us wore greyish colour tee. Then we went down. We had P and W session. This was what I amazed about. They could do Praise and Worship in the open air ( in the car park lot ). In my school, we couldn't do it, because there would be people who "be song " ( not happy ). Glory to the Lord, I still can see Malaysia's school has this praise and worship in the car park lot where everyone will walk by.

Then, we went back to the hall and started our work. I was a bit scared that I couldn't manage the things, but ended up I could. Glory to the Lord. I was in charged of two teams, which afterward they weren't in the next stage of the competition. One was from CHS and one team was from Subang Utama. They did their quiz and I recorded down the marks. At the end of the quiz, the Subang Utama team gave me a paper which they had drawn. They said the paper was a souvenir for me.

After that I was asked to be the finalist recorder. I struggled because I was scared that I would make mistake or what. But then there was a thing came to my mind - Nothing Is Impossible With God. So, I said yes. Then, I did it. Glory to the Lord.

After all, we went to A&W, but there was a long queue due to that shop was closing down. We ended up in McD ( Amcrop Mall ). Then, we went to Book Excess. And my best friend, Audrey, bought the Divergent ( Book 4 ). She said it was the best thing ever. Because she got the book at the price below RM20 and it was a hard cover book. ( My face was like: -.- ) She bought it. Then she told me this was the first book of the Divergent. Then I said no. Then we checked, she just knew that it was BOOK 4. She was kind of upset. HAHA. Back to me, I saw a Dictionary and I bought it. I was only RM 14.90. Then we went to LRT station ( Audrey, Me, Alwin ).

***** ***** *****

It was a Sunday. I went to church. I wore a tee with a skirt and a sandal. I brought my heart there and listened to the sermon. 

At the evening ( 6:00 p.m ), I was in the camp. I thought I would be the very first one to arrive, but then I wasn't. Because the others were too early. So, yea. Then we had like a small prayer meeting there. And we prayed for things. After that, I did some helping ( though I didn't think I really helped, whatever.. ). Something strange happened. I saw someone who looked like my friends' brother. But then Emily said the person wasn't their brother. But I said yes. After asking them, the person was their cousin. And I was like: Why on earth has got people who look alike. ( By this point, I should say I'm really bad at differentiate people, that's why I'm a twin. )

Then we had the praise and worship. And talks. Something that I kept remember was that I was not alone, I was with God. God was the one who always strengthened me. These were what I thought. The talks were about characters. Before this, I strongly believed that the characters were the only things that could influence people. And through these talks, I learnt that I was right. Glory to the Lord. 

Just a small thing to share here. Before this I suffered from a dreadful illness - LSE- Low Self- Esteem. And I was also a person who were sensitive. And because of these two combination, I was half- dying. I couldn't face myself. I couldn't talk to people because I refused to. I won't say Hi when I saw anyone. I would just run away when I was scared. I was scared. 

It was really amazing about what God had planned. He made me went for the BK Quiz, followed by the Camp. In the camp, especially the Talent Show, I wasn't ready for it. I was scared because I was the leader of my team. I didn't know what to tell them. And my teammates didn't know how to act, express the whole story out. I was really helpless. Plus, Jia Yong wasn't always there ( she gotta do some preparation for the games ). I was so scared. What I wanted to thank God was that everything went smoothly and Jia Yong wasn't that busy and she could help me to direct the whole team. I could tell, I shouldn't be that scared. 

I could say what always surrounded me was the feeling of scared. The feeling of no faith in God. I couldn't bear anything on my own. It's like I can't do anything. 

We, people, have to get up and say no to the fear. No more fear. God is not a God who loves fear. 

With Philip ( the only photo I have -.- in the camp )

* photo from Teacher Jennifer

Our team! JOSEPH! 

Never feel scared, because nothing is impossible with God. 

My current task. 

Thanks for reading! 

Love you,

Elisa Jean.

1.8.2014

9:40 a.m

Friday 

Music-Love-Action

Hi guys!

Recently, I've been in a busy. So first is the guitar practice then is the piano practice. To summarize the whole week, there is only a word for it - Music.

I've been struggling with the word music very much. Because I always want to find an aim for it. What I mean is that I wanna know who I am playing the music for. That's the mystery of music. 

Here is a very romantic story which I have thought about, of course it is all about romance and music. I somehow love listening to pop songs lately. I'm sure you can name some of the latest songs. 

One weird thing about me is that I feel like the song is delivering some messages to me. All I feel about the music is that I listen to the melody, the lyrics, the accompaniments. They are like so amazing. I just don't know why people can have this creativity to produce music.

Some of the lyrics ( especially Chinese song ) have got many bombastic words. I appreciate them but somehow I don't think I can use the words during the exams because they are the words which describe ROMANCE.

I come out a conclusion about this,

most of the songs in this generation are about LOVE AND ROMANCE.

People nowadays can't stop singing about love. 

Is love really important?

Yes! It is.

I just can't help saying this - there are more than enough love type of music, but there are less than less amount of love action in this world.

Sorry, this is just my observation on myself.

Yes, myself. Just like today. When teacher asked help for setting up the computer and projector, no one stood up. Prim quite upset because, the no one, including me! Then I stood up. And set up. ( you know how embarrassed was that I actually didn't know how to set up and didn't dare to do things while all the others were like there looking at me! ) 

The world still needs love. The love in action. 

Don't hesitate of giving your love in action. 

Because it is more valuable than love in music. 

"You'll be made rich in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God. " - 2 Corinthians 9:11

( iamnomorelost.tumblr.com : iamnomorelost.blogspot.com ) 

Thanks for reading.

XO

Elisa Jean 

24.07.14

Thursday

2:30 p.m.

I believe that tomorrow is stronger than yesterday

Hi peeps! It has been a long time I haven't post anything. How's life? I know you won't answer me, because my readers seldom comment ( if I have readers ).

Cool thing about today was that I went to church. I talked to my teachers in Sunday school. And yea. Just to sum up that I've learnt to act more than talk more. (Act as in have action, not acting dramas ).

Sometimes I just feel like the world abandon me. It is a weird feeling. I feel unhappy. It's like you do things that can't connect to the world. Sometimes I just wanna get out of this stupid situation. But I know I can't. Moreover, I kept hearing insults from people around me. The thing turns worst when I remember what the criticisms are. I feel miserable especially when I'm playing the piano. ( it's like playing piano makes me rethink about things)

FOR THE THINGS THAT ARE CONSIDERED OF GREAT VALUE BY PEOPLE ARE WORTH NOTHING IN GOD'S SIGHT. ( Luke 16:15 I)

Just ended my English tuition. I feel hopeful. It's like HOPEFUL. I can't deny that my English is bad ( if you feel annoyed of the complaints that I have made about my bad English, just skip this paragraph. Nothing is impossible ). During the lesson, we had this session which my teacher asked us about what are the things that we want but we don't have to hake our lives better. I wrote BETTER ENGLISH. 

I always feel like what I have wrote in this - 想脱离恐惧，但彷徨无助，卷起身子，保护自己，最后发现，还是，恐惧。

Translation: Readers, google it yourselves. My English is too bad to do this!

I just wanna be away from FEAR. I'm fear to be fear. 

But this is what the bible tells me: 

YOU ARE ALWAYS HERE WITH ME, AND EVERYTHING I HAVE IS YOURS.

( Luke 15:31 )

So, we are always with God.

Tomorrow is always stronger than yesterday. 

Today is always the strongest day that I've lived. 

For god is always with us. 

Elisa Jean X O

13.7.2014

Sunday

An Old Story

This is my very own old story. I hope you would like it ( sorry for the bad and super hard to be understood English ).

My very own story is about how I wanted to be thin so badly and about I tried hard to be thin and then I came to a very own conclusion.

Standard 6
The story began when I was 12 years old. Obviously, that year I was having UPSR. That year I always went swimming with my family. We swam at Bukit Jalil Club. There was once I jumped into the swimming pool and made a terrible big splash of water. I accidentally splashed a little girl ( who was in the swimming pool, I hope to say sorry to her ). I wanted to say sorry. But then, she said that I'm a fat granny ( FEI PO ). I was so furious and sad about what I'd done. I had never been called fat. ( That time I was only a 12 years old girl, and I weighed like 44kg with my height 15_ something. If you are a person who want to have a very thin body, you must be feeling that I was super fat.

Form 1
That incident was no longer be what I'd been furious about, but it was thing that had sliced my heart. So, when I was Form 1, I was said to be the ugliest person in my class. I was low in self confident and I couldn't bear with it. I thought that I was the stupidest and ugliest person in the whole. No one liked me. Plus, I didn't speak fluent English and thus I felt so sad. And down.

Form 2
I was in a super smart class. My classmates were smart. They scored very well, which made me wanted to change myself. I told myself I had to be more hardworking. People are smart, but I'm not. There isn't any As I would get if I was still lazy. And I started to be like a super quiet person in class ( in anywhere ) because I was scared that what I would be hated by the others. I wanted to be the shiniest star in everywhere. So, what I could do was that I ate like 3 palms ( handful ) of food everyday. Sometimes I could even count how many bites of food I had eaten. I weighed 43 kg and had height of 160 cm.

Form 3
I never think that I was thin enough. I wanted more attention from others. I wanted people to say that I was pretty and thin ( plus smart ). I wanted what people's praising. I continued to eat as little as I could. I didn't eat junk food ( seldom, even was, I only ate like 2 pieces of chips). I did research on how to lose weight. I checked on internet and knew that I shouldn't drink sweet drinks. I only drink water. And I always told my friends that I was fat. I was fat. I was fat. But they said no. I had this kind of feeling that I was so happy because people told me that I was thin. But I never satisfied with my weight.  I went jogging like every week ( I had never jog before this!) so as to lose my weight. There was once my grannies came and visited my family. All of us were having dinner. And both my grannies sort of telling my parents to give me more to eat. I felt so happy because even my grannies thought that I was thin! That time I weighted 40 kg and had height of 160 cm ( I never become tall after so many years! ).

Form 4
Form 4 life was stressful. I decided to join athlete but because my friends told me that it would be tiring and affect my studies, I stopped thinking about that. In the other way, I joined Nature Club, KRS and etc. Because of I was still eating at less as possible, I got my sister attention. ( I could even check the calories of every food that I was going to eat so as to consume the least ). So, she told me that if I continued to be like that, I would end up with super weak body. ( I thought about death ) She told me that I couldn't be like that. I should start eating more so that my body could work normally. I started to realised that LIFE IS NOT ONLY ABOUT BEING THIN. I read many magazines and saw the models were not very thin. I started to think about why nowadays models were so not very thin? What was going on in the world?

One very important thing is that when I was Form 4, I started to stay close with God. I read Bible started to appreciate about what I have had. God created everyone with his own aim. God has a very own special plan on each of everyone and YOU! God even knows how many hairs you have! He loves us so much. Though sometimes I feel like I am not the sparking attention in everyone eyes, I still tell myself that I'm one of the sparking attention from my God. God has planned everything. I got over with the being thin part. God made a not very tough but tough ( to me ) journey for me. What is wrong with body weight?

Here is my English understanding diagram about the vocabulary ( body weight )

So, if you are at the boney ( is there such word? Sorry for poor english again), 

you should consume more calories so as to upgrade to skinny.

If you are at the skinny, make sure to consume more calories to thin! 

Because all the models are at the thin state, so if you don't want to be a model, 

just stay or a little bit more than thin! 

I really encourage people to do more exercise for own good.

My post come to an end. 

If you are one who are seeking to be thin, but you are out of thin already ( meaning that you are now at boney or skinny state ), you can consider my words.

If you still have problems, I advise you to consult a doctor. Plus, tell me about it so that I can pray for you. 

After all I am just a person who has gone through this. I'm not a doctor. 

Remember God is always with you, your life is going to shine as bright as possible as God is there with you.

Glory to the Lord. 

Elisa Jean X O

7.7.2014

8:33 p.m

Monday