A Little Love

Hi there! I wanna to share with you something. It was meaningful.

Yesterday, I went to my guitar center for obviously learn how to play guitar. At this stage, my skill is just terrible and I'm just an amateur. I've not told the "public" that I've started learning it because I'm scared that people will discourage me. You know, I'm always discouraged by people. That's a weird feeling. 

Anyway, as usual, I walk there with my mum. I pity my mum a lot because she is the one who always sends me here and there. I don't want to trouble my mum in this way. 

Just as we closed our house's gate, it started raining. It was a heavy one. Therefore, I prayed that it would stop or not to be a heavy one, because my guitar will be wet and unusable. Thanks God that the traffic was good as we directly crossed the first road and waited to cross the second road. While waiting the rain didn't show its favor to rain heavier. Then, not more than 1 minute, we crossed both the road. Thanks God.

Oh wait. I forget to mention we brought an umbrella which was useful too. You know, my clothes didn't have the rain patches which is embarrassing. 

I had my lesson. Because I arrived earlier, I had 5 minutes time alone in the room. I prayed that the people there get influenced by Christians so that they have eternal life. And may bless them.

This was a really great experience. Before you have your lesson, you pray that the lesson will go smoothly. With this, I didn't feel scared or nervous all the way throughout the lesson. Learning is fun, peeps!

The lesson ended. I felt nothing because I was peaceful in mind. HAHA. Then my teacher and his ' wife ' ( I don't know who is the lady besides she is the owner of the center, but it looks like she is my teacher's wife. ) decided not to let me wait outside but inside the counter there. I wasn't pleased because I didn't like troubling others. And I told them I could wait outside until my mum was here. They said no. They wanted me to call my mum. I was like a helpless kid, but obviously not because I felt like I'm the oldest among the students. However, learning is fun!

I told them I didn't like troubling my mum and told them that I'd take care of my guitar ( not to let it get rained ). They finally said OKAY. Then I proceed to outside. 

Outside, it was raining heavily. I couldn't bear it. I stood outside the bakery shop. Inside the bakery shop, I saw two men ( the assistants of the shop ) looking outside helplessly. I felt that they were waiting for business, or perhaps a woman or kid buying the cheapest bread in their shop. Thanks God for the shelter of the bakery shop, my guitar didn't get wet, and I didn't. 

While waiting for the presence of my mum, I watched the rain drops. They were vigorous. It was more vigorous if the wind presented. I was thinking that God actually help us in the way when we were strong or whatever, He makes us stronger. And the love is enough.

I really thank God for the teachers I have and my parents. They show their love in different ways but yet, I still can feel a little of them. I'm a naughty girl and rebellious one. Thanks the teachers' patient and their cares on me. 

Thanks for reading my blog. 

Elisa Jean X

8:15 a.m

28.03.2014

Friday

 

Stop : Continue...

Today will be over and tomorrow will be the today. Hi guys! I'm Elisa Jean here! ( Obviously...)

Lately, I've been discovering something new ( to me). And I flashed back my past and found that I was a terrible kid when I was young. The insecurity in me and the low- self esteem I had, you'll never know how that has hurt a kid like me (was, I'm no longer young, but old).

In fact you are curious about the life I had before moving with my family to here, where I've been living for 7 years, here is the lame true story.

Well, I don't like writing my history nor talking about it, because that makes me feel like I'm 70+ but I'm only 17. That's not cool, but I wanna share with you ( the insecurity part, and how I've learnt to not to be one ).

When I was 11, things went perfectly well. My class teacher loved me and my sister so much that she always gave more attention to us, which made me felt like she was unfair to the others. My classmates were all fine and good, but I was always insulted because of my names and all that. This made me felt like I was a super noob and dull person. You know, that's why instead of putting my name Elisa Pau, I use Elisa Jean. That sounds better.

Anyway, calling me anything wasn't the worst I'd experienced. The worst was that I was laughed because my results were not as good as my sister. ( FYI: my sister is hardworking and smart in her way, everyone is unique, why can't I be the stupid one? but people were comparing both of us. ) I didn't like that feeling. Until the day I got my UPSR results, I cried and felt sad about it.

Though I had got a really bad result, I  still got the chance to study with my sister in the same class. Form1 in my high school was a mess. There was once I promised myself not to involve in any school activities as I said I didn't like the school. However, it turned out I participated in running, marching, clubS meetingS and etc. You see, people change. I change, you change. That's the fact.

My Form 1 results weren't good as my history subject nearly failed. After the last term of Form 1 experiencing the nearly fail in History subject, the next year I made History textbook on my hands nearly every day in school. The important thing was that not to fail it. Because failing is a shame of mine.

Form 1 I was a cheerful and naughty girl, Form 2 I was a noob and dull girl. The transformation have began since Form 2. The truth was that I didn't believe in anyone anymore, especially friends. All I had was Emily as my friend. You are right she is my sister.

Well, I think that I was stupid and really crazy in the way that results and what others are saying were the most important. The question is that DO YOU NEED TO DO THINGS TO MAKE OTHERS FEEL YOU ARE LOYAL TO THEM?

Seriously, my case was that I made people around me as my GODS. ( Oh dear how can I do that? ) Or made myself as who I had faith in. That's why I was weak and had no strength.

Now, what people have done to me, I forgave. Because everyone was once a child, a shameless child. So, yea. Now, I believe that my friends will not tell lie to me because I believe that they are good.

Still, life has to be continue. Stop here to write about a little of my history makes me feel weird and tired, because I'm feeling old. Super old.

Let's continue our lives with joy, love and faith.

Short because God gives me this height. 

That's why everyone is unique.

With the unfashionable clothes and hairstyle, I'm Elisa Jean. 

Thanks for reading,
Elisa Jean,
7:45 a.m,
25/03/2014
Tuesday.

Art

Hi guys! I'm happy right now because I just finished my English tuition homework. ( For your information, I'm having my tuition this evening, so I just did my last minute work. )

I decide to post this post now because I feel like writing something and feel like sharing to you. Yea, you, my reader. I'll probably tell you about the life I'm having right now, though I don't really like expose myself to the internet too much.

I have just realized how big that the fear I've had had eaten my faith in God. ( You must be thinking why God again? ) You know, when you are doing something without faith and confidence, I tell you, you can't do it well. I'm right here and this is the true statement that I've discovered. THE ONLY ENEMY IS FEAR. Okay, this sentence is quoted from the Frozen, when Elsa was facing problem with her super natural power. And the only thing disturb her is that she has fear.

Well, after having many lessons with my piano and guitar teachers, I found that art is a thing that present your personally and present feeling. I'm quite sure that both of my teachers know me very well ( even more than my mom does ). Because they always hear what I play and how I express it with the piano and the guitar. So, if you get a chance to listen your friend play any musical instruments, you will know well about his personally feeling.

I'm always searching people who are interested in arts. Because in my society, there aren't many of them who are really into art ( I don't mean that I'm very into art, yea sometime I do ).

It's a really bad thing when I was told that my skills can be improved but the feeling that I have when I play the musical instruments can't. Which means I will stop at there if I refuse to take the fear out of my mind. FEAR. I know you are slowly get out of my mind and my body. Because I've my father God who is always in my mind more than you do!!

Seriously, I hope the day when I'm no more afraid will come very soon. Because the fear is disturbing me like I can't concentrate and can't do things well. I'm sure there is one day when I ( with my God together ) can overcome it and stay strong in this way.

Thanks for reading my blog again because I know every post that I've posted is not very interesting but yet I expressed them with the fear I'm having, I was having, I had been having and I had.

Elisa Jean X
21.03.2014
4:50 p.m

The confident person that I've met before. 

Week

Hi there. Hmm... There are too many things happened last week. I'm sort of lazy for the whole week. You know, laying on my bed and empty my brain. That's bad, if you are a kid, and you are reading this, please note that you are not required to learn from me!

I've just finished practising my piano. I was stressed out once ( last year ) while playing piano. Last year was like totally a mess but I learnt many things and this made me feel like I'm loved.

Okay, besides talking about the past ( which I don't really like, because I feel like I'm a grandmother ), I actually look forward to the things that are gonna happened. For example, launching rocket ( the small rocket which  you can easily make it by using bottles and all that, ya, you know... ) on this Wednesday with my teammates. I don't like doing group work but I end up being a part of the team. And, I feel like I'm the weakest there. Nevermind, what I can do, I'll do my best.

Yea. Recently, there is a motto which push me to do things well. This motto is super powerful. It was my last minute motto but after the first exam of this year, it turns out to be my study motto. The motto is Harvard motto. I don't really know how to  rephrase it to be a cool and pro sentence - Every second that you use to succeed something is very important, even though until the thing you have been doing nearly comes to an end. So, before exam, I held tight to this motto. I was thinking that even though there is still one minute left, I'll try my best to read and study the thing. And don't ever look down on the last minute. If you use the last minute wisely, the opportunity you can score A is higher. Haha, what a lame last minute motto. Emily actually named the motto as E.L.M.M - aka Elisa Last Minute Motto.

So, yea. My results neither bad enough nor good enough. Still, I have to study instead of online. Headache.

Woh, and this week my heart nearly breaks again. My guitar string broke. Read carefully, MY GUITAR STRING BROKE. It is not broken, but it broke. Got it? Yea. Kind of sad sad feeling I have now.

My daily life now is very colourful. I feel that there is always a road for me to walk although I'm a bit old and lack of energy.

Till I blog again.
Thanks for reading this post.

p.s I've just finished reading a book :D Yay!

Elisa Jean
5.55 p.m
17.03.14

Bridge

Hey guys! It's so strange that I post a blog post on Monday. Hmm... I feel like writing something because I've learnt something.

Yesterday, I went to church. It's been a grace from God that I've the opportunities to go to church and learn God's words. In church, we study about God's words ( I've mentioned ) and that really makes me feel like I've much more to learn. Besides, I really love transforming myself from a bad person to a good person. ( I don't mean I love being a bad person ).

Besides that, I love my friends in church. I'm really touched by their friendliness. They are really my brothers and sisters in Christ. Well, yesterday, I really think about how God has placed me. He plans my life and let me to choose what I want. That's the grace of God.

After the meeting yesterday, I really think about how easy can a person's life be. Suddenly while aboarding in an airplane, you can suddenly disappear. Sad case. Really, we need to pray for them.

Well, special things about last week was that I had a photo shooting section with Emily, my sister. Well, my attire was my school uniform. This year will be my last year wearing the uniform. To be honest, I like think the design isn't very nice but still Okay to wear it.

Here is some photos...
Don't laugh if you think I look stupid and weird.

The tone of the photos was sorrowful and the feeling was like you were in a hardship and had the difficulty of coping it by yourself. 

I actually understand that everyone has got his own talent and his own very special power. It's just that some of us tend to discover it later or earlier. 

So, that's why God is fair and square. 

Feel the love from my church friends. Therefore, I drew this. 

Love and the vessels. 

Till I blog again. :D

Elisa Jean 

8:45 p.m 

10.03.14

Hey Presidents!

HI there!

I'm happy right now. Super happy. The feeling is nice. I wanna to post a blog post on the past Tuesday, but I didn't make it because I was too busy with my studies. Well, having tests for the past two days, today I finally can release my deep deep breathe.

I'm thankful about my life. You know, being a high school student has got a lot of freedom as well as responsibility. This is my last year in high school, but I choose to do something special.

Involving school activities was my Form 4 life. I tell you that the life was horrible but I've learnt many things. Especially when you are a committee of a club, uniform or society. I was a committee of Nature Club. I thought I could sit there and do nothing. Who knew, I was in the TrEES group. No choice, I had to do my part.

To be honest, I didn't do anything much last year for the TrEES. I was like staring my teammates doing the works. And I was the one who talked a lot and complained about this and that. I didn't want to elaborate much on how lazy I was, so yea...

There is one thing that I must state now. It is the politics of the committees. I don't know whether this thing has happened in any other clubs before. But I'm sure I've been through this politics.

Many of my friends asked me why I wanted to quit my club and my uniform. I just wanna stay in a peace and happy environment. Seriously, I don't want to know how people cheat the others. Like really. I'm so sad about that. They play tricks and you don't even know. And you will never know. They can tell teacher bad things about you and teachers start not liking you. Or they can even form their own group and leave you out. And the saddest thing is that you'll never know who you can trust. One day, your friends will leave you because they want something. One day, your friends will fight something with you because they wanna to be the president? I don't know. ( This is all what I think okay? )

I don't know how the presidents of the co-curriculum survive in their co-curriculum. I'm fed up of being a committee. Listening to people talk back people, I'm kind of fed up and wanna to close myself in a room and tell myself the world is as wonderful as what we watch in the Disney's movies. And, I just wanna cry.

I'm enough of these. They are fighting and fighting. Why is the world like that? ( This is also what I think. It may not be real )

So, yea! After a year of involving in these, I've learnt a lot of things. I finally found that actually God wants me to know how to behave well and be His lovely child. The only way to success is to by hardworking and be righteous. Righteous.

I read about Proverbs on January 2014. I finally understood that I should behave well but not planning tricks to let people be in a difficult situation. This is how I should behave. Therefore, I start controlling myself not to be a hypocrite. Dear Lord, help me!

This year I'm not suffering about no time studying but I'm wasting my time... So, I really thank God about that. He let me have my choice. God's grace is always enough for me and for you too!

Thanks for reading my post.
I know it is a little bit sad and sad and sad, but please don't be too sad.
This is all my opinion and I'm not talking bad about people. This is just my thinking and my imagination.
If you think I'm wrong, please leave comments.
If you think I'm right, please leave comments too.

Elisa Jean
6.3.14
2.15 p.m

Investment

Hello!

There are kinds of stress wandering in my life now. I feel busy but yet, I manage to take my time out writing this post. Okay, actually I'm just wanna be lazy...

Well, the older you grow the more problems you get. This is kind of fact. You know, now the world is struggling about money problems. Just two days before, the street beside my house got a drama on. There was a couple walking on the street and suddenly they were robbed. The girl shouted loudly and the guy was crying for help. Obviously, I don't think there is a need to help them since I can't even run fast... Back to words, they were helpless and just about 3 seconds after that, robber drove his motorbike away with a loud noise.

Think about this, the couple was shouting because there was someone taking away their property. I'm sure that the robber was struggling about money problem. This shows how important that money is in the world.

As what I've named my post- Investment, I'm thinking about the balance between God and Money and also Life. These three things are able to change a life of a human. So, dear readers, think about what is important to you? Your life? Your God? or your Money?

Let's talk about my view. To be honest, humans can't be what they want and most of the humans do not like having a responsibility on their shoulders. However, we tend to control the things that we can control and we can't. That's why money and life are things that people value the most.

I believe that a life which is full of colours is a meaningful life. But life is short. Too short for us to do things that we want, we like. As I say life is short. This means that life is not everlasting? Yea. I guess so. Our body can't last that long.

So, yea. What I'm trying to do right now is that I wish to invest my life to learn about God's words and world. I use money to invest books so that I can read them. Besides, I take up a lot of hobbies. Is that what God wants our life be? Hmm.... I'm still thinking about.

Dear readers, if you have some thoughts on this topic and you wanna let me know, please comment this post. I'll be really happy to see your comment!

The World became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.

- John 1:14

Thank your for reading my weekly post!
Elisa Jean
2:66 p.m
26.02.2014

Felicity

Hi guys!

I'm so happy today. Not to say happy but I'm not sad, so I'm happy. Thinking about I can do many things at the age of 17, I'm happy. The joy and all that come to me.

While thinking about happiness, I think about the sad things that have happened to me and the people around me. I know this doesn't link well, but I think it links.

My tears fell down from my eyes on my cheeks before. I'm known as the person who cries a lot in my family. Dear readers, I know if you know me well enough, you know that I like crying. Well, crying makes me feel better. Crying makes me not to fear about the things around me but to concentrate on crying. You know, sometimes when we have bad feelings, we'll try to do something that actually makes us stop having negative feelings. That's it!

This year, I've cried before. Yea. I cried about the world. I cried about the evil world. I can't stand so many things. I can't stand people who are proud of themselves and the liars. I've no such power to say these words and judge people. So, may God help me in this way that I won't hate people but love them. Okay, back to my topic. Crying. As I said I cried about people who are being very proud of themselves and trying to control others. Others can have their own thoughts. ( This makes me feel like I'm sinning while writing this post ).

So, yea. Then, you might ask, 'What make you happy? '. I''m telling you now. Learning things makes me feel happy. The happiness is a thing that I can't write it in word. Learning musical instruments, learning something from the books and the bible or some more things make me feel joyful. I feel that God really loves me in the way that I'm able to do things and learn. That's amazing.

Well, sometimes I feel like I have a lot of hatred towards the people around me. This is the thing that I should change now. So, if you can help me, help me by prayers. Because it helps a lot.

Having hatred actually makes people feel unhappy and angry. Sometimes, it is worst. So, why don't we just forget how people show their black faces to you? Instead think that they actually feel that the black faces are their most beautiful. That's why they show them to you!

Recently I've been listening to this guy's youtube songs. The songs he played are fantastic. I guess you know who he is. He is Sungha Jung! Okay. I'm not promoting him to you, but sharing good things with you. I get my blog post idea from one of his songs' titles.

Here you go!

Felicity ( by Sungha Jung )

Felicity (noun): 1. Happiness. 2. a pleasing feature.

Thanks for reading the post. 

Elisa Jean. X

21.02.2014

6.00 p.m 

Old

Hi there. I have a sudden feeling to write a blog post. The deep deep feeling. I don't know if you've got bored of my blog contents. Some were about my stupid life, my thoughts and my stupid everyday routine. 

I've too many fun in my life. My life is full of colour. You are right, I'm trying to make my life a meaningful life and a life with no regrets. That's why I'm still learning piano and studying my textbooks (-.-). There is only way to change your life status, which is by studying. Okay. This sentence is quoted from my form 4 history book, who I can't remember (at least I can still remember there is such sentence, gotta work hard on my history). I'm sure that he was a Chinese. If every Chinese has got this thought, then I'm a half Chinese. I don't really think that studying helps in all the way by changing your life status, indeed the most important is a person's attitude and character. Attidute of a person builds his life? Haha. Ok. I think first of all, we should believe in God. 

So, yea! Taking up too many hobbies make me feel stress out sometimes. These hobbies make me feel like I still have something to do. This makes my life more colorful. One of these is that playing piano. Here is a history of my piano lessons.

I've learnt piano since I was young, like the age 5. You might be thinking that I'm in a high grade now. However, you are wrong. Totally wrong. I stopped at the age 8 and retook it last year. So, I pressured myself a lot in playing it. I want to be zero errors. But if I can play a piece of music without errors, I'm no longer Elisa Jean. Then I'll be Elizabeth Jean or Elisa Samuel or Patrick or Richard. Yea, you know, things are not pefect with me. What to do? I've to accept it since human is not perfect and we have to ask strength from God! 

So, yea. Piano makes me think of how old I'm. "It is not special that I learn very fast, but it is because I'm too old to learn while others've been learning since young", here is the real meaning of mine. Okay, tell you this is another quote from a book that I borrowed from library. It is a Melayu language book ( I forced myself to read something like that and I slowly have some favour on it). This sentence is so inspiring. Ok. And the condition that I'm facing, I definetely wanna surrender. I feel like I'm so old in everything. However...

"Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that sufferings produces perseverance; perseverance, character; character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because god has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. "

Yea. This is another quotation from the bible (Roman 5: 3-5).

These are the words that make me feel like it is worth to do something that I don't like. You know, go against the lusts and desires. 

Thanks for spending your time reading this bad English blog post.

Apologizes are being made to you if you really think that I should study more English then only write a post. I'm really sorry to pollute your eyes, waste your time, dirty your brain and make you angry.

Elisa Jean.

9:43 p.m

17.02.2014

Monday

I Won't Give Up On Us

Hi there! I've not been posting since last week. Now, I'm not free, but busy, which mean now, I'm being lazy. You see, every Thursday is a busy and lazy day. There is a thing that I should be grateful of, which is I'm still alive.

Yea. During this week, I've done many things. Things like studying and sleeping. I must mention here, I don't study a lot, but sleep a lot. Not saying that I've wasted my time, I actually have wasted my life. Time = Life. Don't waste your time because you only have one life.

There are many things happened in this week. I don't wanna list all of them out, because that will be pretty boring. I'll just talk about special things.

I have my science lessons nearly every week day. My science teachers are pretty good in teaching. Ok, maybe is that I've changed my attitude. During the lessons, I paid my attention on them. Like physics, I wasn't like last year. Now, I'm able to concentrate on the lessons. Thanks God. My bio and chem, I'll work hard on them, I'm having tests next month and this Saturday.

I experience how great God is. Really. Like now, I'm no more afraid of people and being more sociable, I guess. Besides, I've started to get rid my lazy bugs from my body. That's pretty good. And well done, Elisa. And I'll not give up on being a better person and having better character.

I've been telling you ( my readers ) about how obsess that I'm on music. Seriously, throughout this week, nearly everyday I'm listening to this person's guitar music. I'm pretty amazed about him. He is Sungha Jung. He is only 18 ( older than me one year). And he is so famous ( at least I know who he is ). I believe that this fellow is hardworking and determined in music. So, yea, I'm learning these things which is- being hardworking and determined. It's hard for me to change, since I've had the bad habits since don't know when.

DETERMINED AND HARDWORKING.

Felicity :D

I won't give up ( Jason Mraz ).

Ok. :D

I end my post.

13.2.2014

2:50 p.m

Connection

Hey yo! It's not a good time to write a blog post now. This is due to the fact that the weather is too hot, it hasn't been raining for 3 weeks, I think. Other than that, my time management is really a failure. This statement is totally disagree the statement before it. Therefore, I'm able to let my time out and eagerly write this post in front of this computer.

Today my post is about connection. I'm actually thinking about how people should have connection with each other. And that obviously, we need communication and interaction. In this modern generation, most of us are able to socialize with people without thinking that it is an awkward thing. However, there are many of them who feel uncomfortable when interacting with people.

Most of us know how to talk. However, some of us are shy to talk to people. The bravery has never been in that sort of person before. Unable to socialize with people is a disadvantage while we are working with people. This cannot socialize character should be unwanted. I have seen so many of them not willing to talk to people in class. Not that they are not willing to do so, but they refuse to let people know they are there. Their presents are not felt. ( My headmaster always says : MAKE YOUR PRESENT FELT ). So, we should actually be brave to stand up.

The most important thing is not that the connection within people and people but people and God. The Rukun Negara of Malaysia emphasized on having faith in God ( KEPERCAYAAN KEPADA TUHAN ). This statement was placed on the first of the whole thing. Here, we can see how important it is to stay close with God and we actually believe in Him. Every Monday morning, the whole school read about ' to have faith in God'. Though we read this and remember this, do we practise this? So, if your answer is no, then, I hope you can be a good citizen by practising this.

We are not able to do things without Him. Hey Yo! This is a true fact. You may ask me why is it so? So, here I wanna tell you. You can't deny that the world is created by God. Everything is made by someone. For example, your iPhone. You iPhone is designed by someone and manufactured by some companies. The companies have got CEOs. You can simply think about anything. And the anything must be created by someone. Maybe you don't know who the person is, but it is a fact that the person has created the thing.

Back to the topic, how do we have connection with God? It's easy. You can read His words and pray to Him. That's connection and interaction. Obviously, to show your respond to His words, you should do what He wants you to do. I'm trying to practise that, may God help me.

I'm gonna end my post here. But I'm not satisfied with this post, because I still have many more to say. I wish that those who have questions with this post, you can make a comment here. I don't mind.

God bless you :D

Elisa Jean X
8.2.14
2:10 p.m

p.s hey I'm listening to this!

Now

I've been celebrating Chinese New Year in my hometown. There are a lot of things have changed there, including people. People who have visited there might think about the living cost there is low. I agree with that. I miss the time when I was young. I miss the time when I was there, studying there and living there. Although I didn't really have the best moment there, I guess my hometown was where I thought about easy life. Here, I've always been thinking about my future, the future that is full of hardship. I'm scared that there will be one day, people here eat me and gallop me into their stomach. And I'll never be back. Oh man. What am I talking about. Here, I need to apologize my bad English again. English is a tough job for me.

Last year I was so eager about having many activities in my daily routine. Now, I'm sitting here, with a thankful heart that today I've no activities. Thanks God. Life has been hard with activities, though I enjoyed learning something new.

Recently, I've been thinking about my future. I'm sure some of you know my ambition. Well, I don't care much about that. I'm not mature to think about that because I'm too childish. 

I'm looking forward to the life that I get good results in many ways. However, there is only day dreaming but not actual work. So, it's time for me to wake up from the dreams. The feeling after Chinese New Year that I have is energetic and stressful. No stress, no achievement. Therefore, I have set goals for my academic. I'm not going to write here because it is going to be boring. As a blogger, I don't like making my readers to feel bored.

Quote from Luwig Van Beethoven 

To play without passion is inexcusable. 

I'm putting much of my passion into my study ( most of the time I force myself, that happens everyday ). Besides, I build my passion in music. Music makes my days. It is such a bless that I get to play music, though it is actually noise. I don't care much about my family members who are listening to what I play. If I think I'm making them mad, I probably lock myself in the room and start playing that. It is really true that I really want to make my teacher be amazed with the practices that I've done. Well, sometimes I do things for teachers. I wanna make them happy? Haha. Teachers = Stress. I'm a bit mad with that. Ok. I'm just kidding. Laugh haha and stop.

I'm so happy that at least one of my new year resolution is achieved. It is reading the Bible everyday. Sometimes I'm lazy to read but sometimes, I get to read like twice a day. There is a good start for me though ( maybe you are thinking that I'm dull ).

Ok. Time up. I need to end this now.
Till I blog again.

Elisa Jean X
06.02.14
2: 35 p.m

Exciting : No feelings

Woho! I don't know any of you has this feeling or it is just me. I'm looking forward to the coming Chinese New Year!

I feel like this Chinese New Year is gonna be cool and special. Despite I will be going back to my hometown and meeting my cousins, aunties, uncles, grandparents and my old friends ( I always wish that I can meet my old friends while visiting Farly Market ), I'm pretty excited about the gathering on the night before the first day of 2014 Chinese New Year.

I'm stressed out the past few weeks. It is not because of the big exams on November, but it was because the homework that I hadn't done. Sigh. There are tonnes of homework everyday. Nearly every lesson I'll be told to do a homework. The worst day is Thursday. I'm thinking that why the teachers love giving homework so much. Don't they know that students have to use the time study at home? However, thinking back when I was form 2, there were no homework and during that time, I felt like why was that the school didn't give me homework to do? Sigh.

Anyway, homework makes me know that I should really use my time wisely. I shouldn't be wandering about at my house. You know, watching my mum playing her smartphone or watching Emily doing something weird like DOING HER HOMEWORK AND WRITING KARANGANSSSSSS (BAHASA MELAYU ESSAYS). I feel like I'm so lazy.

So, yea. Don't be lazy.

Actually I'm writing this post is just to tell my reader that one should use your time wisely. Well, during the Chinese New Year, we should really know what is fellowship among our relatives. We should really do some communication with them.

God loves his children to have fellowship among each other. Therefore, we should really give out our love to our relatives and show our helping hands when they need help like cooking or cleaning the house.
That's how I understand fellowship. You know, sometimes understand is just knowing but not practically have any actions. May God help all of us in such a way that we can have fellowship with our long time no see relatives during the only 6 days holidays.

Before Jesus was nailed on the cross, he and his disciples had a feast together. And also, before Jesus went back to the heaven, Jesus and His disciples had another feast together. Obviously, they talked to each other and this showed how important that fellowship should have among all of us. If not they were having the feast, the other disciples might not know that who sold Jesus. So, through this we can see that fellowship is not only about talking, chit chating, but it is about talking the facts and the real things. The truth. Therefore, we should talk about something that are true but not something that we cheat for to boast around the relatives. That's what I mean.

I'm serious that I'm quite looking forward to the Chinese New Year because I can take a break and be away of the school books and the reference books. Urgh.

So, yea! Remember to have fellowship with each and another during this Chinese New Year.
And, I feel like taking a break from the tonnes of homework!

Elisa Jean
5:30 p.m
26.01.2014

Value of Oneself

Hi there! It's not easy to take my time out here to write a blog. However, I enjoy writing. I wish to make this a habit as I wish to improve my English not only by reading, speaking and also writing ( though I don't speak much ).

After a year, I'm still struggling with my English. Improve my English was my last year resolution. I don't know why, every time I speak English, I feel like everyone's mouth is laughing at me. I don't know what to do after all. The only person I speak English to is God. I don't know why. Sometimes, I tend to pray in English. I guess it is because I've been the prayer meeting nearly every school day?

I sometimes feel that I'm stupid and silly. This feeling has been with me since I was 10 years old? Haha. I guess so. I could still remember writing bad English during my Standard 6. Every time, my English teacher was going to ask people reading the text in the book, I would think that she would not call my name. Sometimes, it ended up like I couldn't pronounce the English properly. I couldn't remember was there anyone laughing at me. I hope no. But most probably yes. I always thought that my classmates were laughing at me. Laughing at my English. Laughing at my poor English.

I felt so sad. I feel so sad. I'm so sad. I keep asking myself why is that I'm so not good in English? Why I was born in a Chinese speaking family? Well. I hate myself being not thankful in what I've had. I had the time when I felt I was useless. You know, compare to the others, I'm just a tiny little timid silly poor girl. That was why I'd been thinking about.

I don't feel happy when people praising me. Because I feel like they are laughing at me. Is it call sensitive or what? I think they are just being sarcastic. I've no way to go. Because I feel like I'm just something that is 多余. ( duo yu ).

I don't know what DUO YU in English. Maybe there is no such word in English. Is that mean I'm not DUO YU in why I'm speaking English? English language is so wonderful.

I'm not saying speaking chinese is a low class thing although I write this statement out. Seriously, I'm just thinking about why I'm so weak in speaking English.

The reason of it is that I don't wanna be laughed. Flashing back the old times when I was in primary school, I was a quiet person. A person who was not active. That was because I didn't wanna be laughed? I don't know. Maybe.

I just wanna raise up this issue. Which is about a value that oneself has. Everyone is valuable. We are God's creations. Sometimes I feel like I'm not enough in things, but actually I've more than enough. MORE THAN ENOUGH. Just think about how amazing that God has given me my life. And he doesn't bring me a heart attack ( stroke ) now. ( Because I watched a video during my Bio lesson. I nearly cried. ).

So, when every time I think that I'm useless, I tell myself that God has given me so much.

Proverbs 22:16

He who oppresses the poor to increase his wealth and he who gives gifts to the rich- both come poverty.

Just a sentence/ teaching quoted from Bible.

Thanks for reading my bad english.
Elisa Jean.
3:52 p.m
23/1/2014

Reality vs Dreams

I've been day dreaming for a long time. Really long time. I've been an awaken state but my mind has been dreaming. Dream about something old. Old things like ambitions and my life after high school.

I guess you dreamed before. It's just the duration of dreaming is not the same as mine. I dreamed about how I can live without my parents, my future friends, my life, my cool life, the hardship that I'll go through.

I'm wandering about how can my life be if I am not at Malaysia. I'll meet different people and understand different culture. I'll know different languages, stay confidence to speak English.

The work that I'll be doing: Maybe I'll future study my English language or study fashion design. The thesis that I'll be writing will be written in English. My own English. My poor English.

The friends that I'll be meeting: Different races, different faces. They may be friendly or unfriendly. I hope God can train me to be stronger with Him.

The life that I'll be having: I'll work part time job and get high salary ( I think that should be higher than Malaysia's ). I'll be scolded and I'll work at every weekend so that it won't be clashed  with my class in the Uni.

Oh dear. I've spent too much time dreaming. Day- dreaming. I've always thought about my future. Don't you think I've wasted a lot of time thinking about that without doing any thing? Action speaks louder than the words. Ok. I'm enough of that. I should face the reality.

What is the reality I'm facing right now?

I'm struggling with my Additional Mathematics. I'm having problems writing my Bahasa Melayu essays. Yes, I'm right those are essayssssss. I'm having confident problems in myself. I have to do housework so that ma mum feels she is loved. I have to do more public speaking in order to get A for my Aural Tests. I should have studied my Biology Chapter 1 and done my revision books.

That's a sad thing that I just realised I need to face the reality. The community I'm living in. ( Probably with my classmates in school ). I should not be day dreaming like a pig ( though I don't think pigs dream, do they?).

In the bible, the book proverbs is talking about how stupid people and the wise people act. Stupid people think about something that are evil and have got a lot of ways to achieve something. While the wise people work hard to get the fruits to eat. See, now you know I'm so stupid.

I've to wake up. Wake up. Wake up. I should stop myself thinking so much about the future. It's because God is controlling my future. Thanks God, I'm still here and I finally realised I should wake up.

Glory to the Lord.
I'll change my attitude with the strength of God.

With haha,
Elisa Jean.
5:47 p.m
18.01.2014
Saturday

Senses

Have you ever had these feelings? Feeling lazy, sleepy, energetic in heart but not physically. I probably has had these feelings. These make me a lazy and stupid person. In other word, I'm completely a lazy one. I wish I can improve in my feelings by not having these feelings.

I'm recently too in to music. I ain't good in music. To be honest, sometimes, music makes me feel uncomfortable and stressful. You know, if you are a guitarist or a pianist or someone who knows how to play music, you may feel the same way as mine (if you are the type that not very good = like me ). And I really have to overcome fear and the timid that I always have in my heart and my brain. However, what God tell us is that not to be afraid of someone who will not harm your soul. So, why should I care?

Being a person who like art ( sometimes I'm too obsess), I make bracelets, draw pictures ( abstract ), match color of my pictures, read books, write blog, do talking with people I want to talk to and take photos, I somehow feel like these arts things make me a person who doesn't like study. Seriously, I don't find study interesting but sometimes, I make myself study and do the homework. Sometimes, I feel so stressful with the study as you know I'm taking 3 sciences. I kept asking myself, why I have chosen 3 sciences and yet I have to study for 2 years.

Well, that is my work and that is what I should do. If not, I'm not going to have a degree, or a job in the future. I'm telling myself, not to be lazy but to be hardworking in my physical way as well as mentally.

Recently, I've been thinking about senses. You know, in Standard 1, you learnt about 5 senses that human have. So,  particularly, art is something that entertains human's 5 senses. So, people can use eyes to see things, like pictures, photos. Human use ears to hear sounds, like music, people's talking. Human use mouth to talk. Human use nose to smell ( ya people also use mouth to EAT). Human use skin to touch and to discover the world, to discover how to play piano.

How great that God has created the world. People can actually use their sense to enjoy the arts around the world and the surroundings. Without art, life is stressful and i can't think about how it would be. Without science, you and I would probably fail in using the creation of God to invent things in the world and we will never discover how to write, draw, invent a piano, build a building, do a math question. We'd not be educated and we may not know that we have 5 senses which can enjoy the arts.

Probably, life is not about stress and working ( many chinese think that way ). We need balance in our life so that we can live a meaningful life. MEANINGFUL LIFE.

Proverbs, a book from the bible, which I've been reading about this month, jotted a lot about how righteous people should behave and righteous people are always hardworking. So, I should be hardworking! Stop some stupid entertainment ( watching TV , I've enough of that, though I don't mean watching TV is a stupid entertainment, just personal opinion ).

Crazy things about this month is that, I'm currently reading 4 books. Yes, you are right 4. I'm reading a Bahasa Melayu book which I've borrowed from my school library, an English novel, a Chinese essays book and last but not least, BIBLE.

So, let us ( including you, if you want to include yourself ) be hardworking. Be the one who is favored in God's eyes.

Here is a song which was sung by a good voice.

Let it Go, by Elsa. 

Thanks for reading.

Elisa Jean :)

4:50 p.m 

13.1.14

Operation Room

Time passed so quick. I'm now 16 years old 10 months. I wish to have a really happy birthday this year. What can make me be happy? Probably everyone is happy, then I'm happy!

I just came back from school after the CF meeting. I'm so grateful that I'm from a Christian family. If you are not one, please don't be sad. Because at least, you are now reading my post and knowing that how joyful you can be with God.

So, yea. Having meeting with the Christians in school is such a great experience that I'll not forget. You know, I have to force myself to speak English ( which is my weakest language ever ). However, knowing that they probably will not laugh at you ( me), you feel comfortable in speaking that stinky language.

Yea. I can still remember the Rv in church at Sydney. She said my chinese name sounded like writer's name. Then, she asked me whether I like writing or not. I said NO. Ok. Probably I love writing. Haha. But it's just that languages are my big enemies. So, what is the point telling people you love writing? NO POINT.

Anyway, I just wanna to tell you why I own this blog which is full of grammar mistakes and uncompleted sentence structures. It is because I want to write something. I want to express something. I can't share the  joy with myself, of course. I don't know whether there is anyone reading my blog. But I don't bother. ( Actually I bother -.-)

The braces that have sticked on my teeth are going to be gone. Understand? Haha. I'm really happy about that. I don't like the smell of the dentist clinic. You know, the anti germs' smell. So, yea. I really thank God that my parents allowed me to wear the braces. This is what God has done to me. I probably was scared of seeing the dentist. I mean since I was young. Even in school, there is regular teeth check up for students. I even cried when I was called out to see the dentist. You know, that kind of smell and the chair are pretty scary. I felt like going into an operation room. So, ya. I had to go. I was really scared as even though I hadn't sit on the chair, I cried like a person who was crying ( HAHA). Then, it ended up I didn't need to sit on the chair and not even let the dentist see what was inside my mouth.

Anyway, now, I'm still feel a little bit afraid of seeing dentist. However, I feel good as my dentist has got a pretty dentist room ( not to label it as operational room any more ). The room has the theme of ocean. Every time, when I look up the wall, I see the pictures of whales, fishes and nemos. That calms me down and I don't feel afraid anymore. Ocean is a great creation of God ( That was what I was thinking about yesterday when I met my dentist ). It is cool to have a theme for every operational room. COOL

I love cool stuffs. Or I should say like everything I love are cool stuffs? haha.

So, yea. This year, I'm gonna to be not so timid any more, as I know that God is always with me.
Say NO to timid.

Thanks for reading.
Elisa Jean O

p.s please wash your brain after reading my blog posts because they were written in bad English!

New Year: New Life

Hi everybody! Today is a cool day! I went to school after a 2 month long holidays. I met my teachers and I said hai and good morning. The teachers have become more friendly compares to last year. I'm now in Form 5 and I feel good. Super good. I have too many new year resolutions. Yea! The trip in Australia was really cool and I love it. However, I didn't enjoy much of the unhappy times with my family. Now, I really really miss my cousin. Though I didn't talk a lot to her.

2014 is a super special year. It's my last year in secondary school and sitting with my neighbour in school ( apparently my sister ). I did wrote down my new year resolutions and I hope it really works!

Here are my new year resolutions!

1. Workout 4 times a week.
I've been getting fatter and fatter. I wanna to lose weigh and also build my muscle.

2. Concentrate on practising piano.
I've not been practising the piano with all my heart and soul. I gotta be more concentrate on this so that I can continue Grade 4 this year!

3. Read 1 book in 2 months time.
I love reading books! Especially the English books! I gotta do that despite being busy with my big exam this year end.

4. Manage my time wisely.
I'm weak in time management. May God listen to me.

5. Read 1 book of bible in a month.
Reading God's words is where everyone gains wisdom. Through this, my life will be much more interesting and full of colours and positive things.

6. No more online.
Facebook is like a drug, keeps attracting me to sign in and post something.
Instagram is like a sweet, wants me to eat it and enjoy it.

7. Speak more English
Chinese language is my mother tongue language. I speak Chinese comfortably. I'm scared of speaking English, but since my English teacher in school is so excited about this year's Oral Test, I'm gonna practise hardly!

Always remember that let God to guide your life. He is the wisdom and you can only be wise by obeying His words.

My last year's resolutions were all about English. I don't think I've achieved most of them. I was low self esteem, that's why I couldn't cope for those. Friend, if you are low self esteem, please let God lead your life and let Him know that you really need His help. I suggest that you can go to church and attend the fellowship with people at your age. Maybe the friends you meet there can help you! I really want you to know that low self esteem is a really not good thing. You'll find it hard to do everything because of this. I'm telling you that you're worthy because you are one of the precious creation of God! God loves you!

My new life is gonna to be interesting as I stop participating co- curriculum in school. ( I hope you are not my teacher) I don't fancy like the activities because getting new friends just make you feel like so stressful because you face the peer pressure. I'm not saying that you must follow what I say or what I say is totally right. It's just my opinion, my personal opinion. I've no time participating this and that.So, no point of that. I really wanna say sorry to my teachers because I know they always encourage students to join. Teacher, if you're reading this, please forgive me, because I really have no time and this is my choice.

This year gonna be great, I guess. If you are reading this, I hope you enjoy reading my blog. I hope you can continue supporting me by reading my posts.

Thanks for reading!
Elisa Jean X
2:45 p.m

Youngsters

From left: JS Pau, me(Elisa Jean), Emily Pau, Eric Pau, Sharon Pau

Hello everyone. I've not been posting anything since my last post. My last post was about God's love towards his creation, especially mens. It's not enough for a post to talk about how God loves us. So, I'm now continuing discover how He loves me. And I want you to discover it too! If you're reading my blog, you may know my character and my English level as well. Besides, please, please, let your heart be open, so that God can send you His love. And please share to me the love of Him on you.

This post gonna be pretty interesting post (I feel like). I want to tell you something about the youngsters. So, I myself is aged 16 this year(2013), next year gonna turns 17. I feel like I'm old and young. I wish I'm still studying in primary school, but the condition tells me that I'm no longer young. The cool thing about old is that you're old. The cool thing about young is that you're young. Well, there is nothing different between young and old, except the physical level. 

When I was young, I thought about the people at the age of 13-20. I thought they liked to have relationships with someone and that was what their life were about. And now, I'm within this age. I feel like I'm a total nerd and a dern ( spell the word descending). And that's not about relationships. I want to say, I'm too old to being young. Got it? Yes, there are people who love having relationship in my form. There are plenty of them. So what to do? I pray for them as they won't waste their time doing something that cannot last forever. 

Here is one short story that I really want to tell you! When I was going back to Bintulu, I went to my uncle's ping pong training place. I went there for fun ( that was my first time playing ping pong). I went there with my niece and nephew. Then I met a boy, a ten year old boy. He knows how to play well in ping pong and he teached me. Then he said something. I didn't hear it clearly, but I can tell you, it's about a question of relationship. Then, I asked him to ask again. He refused. I didn't mind at all. Because I know how well about how children look at the youngsters. I was that kind of child before. 

Nevermind, I let it past. After that I recalled about youngsters that I'd met before. I thought about how they behave. And now I'm on travelling. I watched too many people who were so OPEN. 

Next year is gonna be a cool year. I'll be studying like a total nerd, playing music like a poor and doing excercise like a fattie. Oh yea! And I'll be learning God's words like a super duper stupid person (I mean the glory is to God, and I'm nothing without God). 

I may not be playing games ( though I don't really play game), facebooking, instagraming. 1st of January will be my last day for these? Haha. I don't know. May God lead my life.

If you are a youngster, please please please, don't waste your time! If not, you'll be wasted by your time in your future time. Value your family and your studies. Don't value something that will waste you! 

So, STUDY AND STUDY! 

Thanks for reading my post! Enjoy your day! 

God loves you and bless you!

Elisa Jean XO

Overwhelmed Love

Hi guys! I'm writing this post after came back from Bintulu, my hometown. This time was a great experience, though I didn't stay there long enough. Sigh. Anyway, I found out too many things and I wanted to share with you. I'll not share too much about it, because I want to have a privacy on somethings. You know, when you meet people and people start talking about what you have written in facebook or blogger, you'll be like WHAT? YOU'VE BEEN READING MY BLOG?!

I still wanna share with you guys because I think there are something that God has told me and I want to tell you about how He loves everyone including you! OK!

Bintulu was a very soundly and nice place to stay at. However, recently, the condition has changed literally. I don't know how to describe it well. So, lets talk about people there. The people are OK. My grandpa lives there obviously with my grandma. My grandma has just gone travelling, so left my grandpa there alone in a big house. I was there for 4 days. So, I stayed with my grandpa. I felt the loneliness of him very much. I don't know how to say, I just wanna write this post when I saw him after I arrived there. I was thinking about how does he lives and so on... Nevermind. There is always a show of love from him. He wanted me to eat fruits and all. Yea. I must say that he didn't actually say like ELISA EAT THESE. However, he was just willingly to let me eat the fruits. The fruits that he has planted.

My niece, Joyce, who is a really tall and thin girl, showed love to me too. I don't know how to say and what to say about the real action of love and sacrifices. HAHA. Ok. She bought me things. Ok, maybe you will be saying I'm a money minded person or presents minded person. But I'm not. It is just that she bought the things from different places that she has gone to. So, you can see, she always thinks about people. I mean whenever she goes, she always thinks about people she loves.

Here are some photos that I've taken in Bintulu. Not much, just two.

Outside my grandpa's house

Nephew! Jayden

After coming back, on the road side back to house in KL.

Post ends here. 

Thanks for reading.

Elisa Jean.