Lately, I've been discovering something new ( to me). And I flashed back my past and found that I was a terrible kid when I was young. The insecurity in me and the low- self esteem I had, you'll never know how that has hurt a kid like me (was, I'm no longer young, but old).
In fact you are curious about the life I had before moving with my family to here, where I've been living for 7 years, here is the lame true story.
Well, I don't like writing my history nor talking about it, because that makes me feel like I'm 70+ but I'm only 17. That's not cool, but I wanna share with you ( the insecurity part, and how I've learnt to not to be one ).
When I was 11, things went perfectly well. My class teacher loved me and my sister so much that she always gave more attention to us, which made me felt like she was unfair to the others. My classmates were all fine and good, but I was always insulted because of my names and all that. This made me felt like I was a super noob and dull person. You know, that's why instead of putting my name Elisa Pau, I use Elisa Jean. That sounds better.
Anyway, calling me anything wasn't the worst I'd experienced. The worst was that I was laughed because my results were not as good as my sister. ( FYI: my sister is hardworking and smart in her way, everyone is unique, why can't I be the stupid one? but people were comparing both of us. ) I didn't like that feeling. Until the day I got my UPSR results, I cried and felt sad about it.
Though I had got a really bad result, I still got the chance to study with my sister in the same class. Form1 in my high school was a mess. There was once I promised myself not to involve in any school activities as I said I didn't like the school. However, it turned out I participated in running, marching, clubS meetingS and etc. You see, people change. I change, you change. That's the fact.
My Form 1 results weren't good as my history subject nearly failed. After the last term of Form 1 experiencing the nearly fail in History subject, the next year I made History textbook on my hands nearly every day in school. The important thing was that not to fail it. Because failing is a shame of mine.
Form 1 I was a cheerful and naughty girl, Form 2 I was a noob and dull girl. The transformation have began since Form 2. The truth was that I didn't believe in anyone anymore, especially friends. All I had was Emily as my friend. You are right she is my sister.
Well, I think that I was stupid and really crazy in the way that results and what others are saying were the most important. The question is that DO YOU NEED TO DO THINGS TO MAKE OTHERS FEEL YOU ARE LOYAL TO THEM?
Seriously, my case was that I made people around me as my GODS. ( Oh dear how can I do that? ) Or made myself as who I had faith in. That's why I was weak and had no strength.
Now, what people have done to me, I forgave. Because everyone was once a child, a shameless child. So, yea. Now, I believe that my friends will not tell lie to me because I believe that they are good.
Still, life has to be continue. Stop here to write about a little of my history makes me feel weird and tired, because I'm feeling old. Super old.
Let's continue our lives with joy, love and faith.
Short because God gives me this height.
That's why everyone is unique.
With the unfashionable clothes and hairstyle, I'm Elisa Jean.
Thanks for reading,
Elisa Jean,
7:45 a.m,
25/03/2014
Tuesday.
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