Eyes still smile from cheeks

People say college life can be stressful, it can also be stressful.

Life is getting more and more colourful.

I find this statement so true to me. MCKL is a Christian college. I'm really grateful that I'm studying and spending one year of my life in this college. 

Well, it's not an emotional time now. So, yea. I think a lot, recently. My brain can't stop thinking. I think about how people interact with each other. How people really get resonance through some of the topics.

Smile. 

Credits to my professional photographer. 

I smile everyday, even to the college guards. I really respect the guards. Imagine you have to stand and walk around to a place again and again to make sure everyone is safe. I partially understand how they feel, because I felt this while protecting my group balloon from being popped in the camp. The adrenaline level in my blood increased and made me stayed in the condition of flight and fight. For the guards, they have to do that everyday. Salute! 

About how amazing things in the world have happened, I tell you, I encountered this. Brickfields street is where I always walk on, in order to go to my college. The mixture of touching, joy, fear and scared can really be seen on this road. 

On the first day of being a student in MCKL, my sis and I went to NU central from MCKL. Both of us really made the effort of going NU central just for a lunch. We had our bags on our shoulders, started all the way from MCKL. There were a lot of crossing roads, therefore, we tended to wait for the red man turned green. Well, there were this group of students from MCKL too. Well, red man turned green. All of us crossed the road. I was too selfish to see what happened in ( on? Haha English is too bad ) the surroundings. My sis crossed the road. But I couldn't find her. I looked and looked. Just realised she was with a guy!

A guy with a stick. He wasn't able to see clearly. At that point, I knew he was blessed to be the really physically unique one. So, I walked towards them. I asked Emily what had happened. Well, then I knew the guy was lost, couldn't get back to the blind organisation opposite my college. He was really lost. He just stood there and no one guided him. He is lost! Emily spoke English to him but he wasn't able to speak English fluently, but just two three words once. Thank God, sis and I speak Chinese. So, we switched. Yes, we got what he meant, because he spoke Chinese! 

We guided him back to the blind organization, through some really weird conversation. Funny thing was that sis did a lot of gestures to ask him where he wanted to go. I was like, HE CAN'T SEE, I spoke to myself in my heart, hoping that sis understand. Well, at last, we managed to send him back. This was a really good experience.

It's kind of cool how the physically blessed people ( like the guy ) have the bravery to walk without seeing anything. They have this little faith in their heart of which non of you who is reading this can fully understand. Well, this includes me too! The way the guy trusted my sis and I, I really salute. I can't really believe that how, people nowadays, can't really trust people around them, and yet this blessed fellow trusted us. In my heart, the guiltiness level rises, because I'm always too focused on my own, on what I want to do, on my life goals. 

We are born with different abilities. 

We are in different circumstances.

We have to help each other.

To be more united.

To share the love and joy.

Elisa Jean O

Refreshment

I just came back from my Youth Fellowship in church.

What I learnt today is that I have to have little time with God. Probably do devotion. Well, I have a little remorseful feeling in my heart. Tons of stress are being put on my shoulders, I barely get up and run to the goal of my life. This is so exhausted.

In church, I met new friends. Most of them are older than me, because I just upgraded my fellowship. All new faces with great big smiles, I smile to them too. Most of them are from University of Malaya and Masha. Well, I met my classmates too.

Imagine you are in a church where you have been growing up at. You were in this church when you were in primary school, secondary school and college. I'm pretty sure this position is a weird position. Being the new one in MYF ( Methodist Youth Fellowship ), I ain't scared of anything. It is just that the feeling is weird. I was a secretary during my MIW time, and now I'm the youngest in the same church of different fellowship. I can't help being quiet before the worship starts. Because during MIW time, I'm always the one who gives help to the ushers and does the cleaning up. I mean MIW and MYF are having the same place for gathering.

It's kind of mixture feeling of which I can't really write out in a proper and sequence way. I'm sorry for what I've just typed out.

I type when I feel lonely.

But I'm not lonely right now.

So, I decide to let myself to have a quiet time.

Typing all the words out, just to be like what I used to be.

I used to be a sad and melancholic person.

Then, now I realised, I've changed.

I'm too emotional but not melancholic.

Elisa

Regular

Things go well in college.

Truly, I've never thought that I could mix ( just a little mixing ) around with my classmates. Well, maybe not long stories with them but just a few words of chit chating. To me, words spoken from my mouth aren't the best way to show the feeling I have, but the words I typed out in this blog maybe about to deliver all I want to deliver. ( Sorry for my bad English, I'm working hard for it )

In fact you don't know, I just came back from my Orientation Camp yesterday. It was a 3 days 2 nights camp. People kept asking me about the camp, and all I said was GOOD.

I wonder how true the GOOD is. Obviously, things never go on the path that named GOOD. Life is like a x to the power of z equation. X can be any number you like and z can be any number you dislike. Well, to me the z is never less than 3. Ups and downs are all I can to briefly describe my life now.

Last Friday afternoon, was a real hot afternoon. I sweated a lot in my college though I was just wearing an Adidas T-shirt which my eldest sister bought for me in Labuan. I didn't plan to wear that Adidas tee that morning but seemed my twin wanted to wear the same as mine, so we both wore the same. That was how it worked that day.

Being a twin is a super normal thing to me. I'm not going to emphasis on how lovely or how difficult to be like a twin, because I'm still a human.

For sure, a twin like people asking about twins stuff. Well, for me, I like it. But when I just realised that's the only reason people talking to me, I have a little bit grief in my heart, squeezing my heart.

I always tell myself to be strong because God is with me. I tell myself not to be afraid because there is nothing scary. But then, when my day dreaming time ( actually it is my thinking time ) begins, I start to be afraid of things. And the scariest is human and friends around me.

That's what a person who likes to think when she is not reading any books.

Maybe I should clear my mind from my eyes and start to see the beautiful of my love from my classmates and friends.

Yes, I know that's the right way.

Because love never goes wrong with me.

Elisa

Dear 5A/2014,

Believe me, I'm writing this with my tears falling from my eyes.

I've been in my college for a week. I ain't making many friends here. I have taken 5 subjects, because that's what my course ( AUSMAT ) requires me to do. Those are Econs, Business, Accounts, English and simple Maths.

I go to college by using LRT. Every week day morning, I wake up at nearly 6:45 a.m and get ready to college. To me, everyday is not easy. Go and back by using LRT needs 1 hour and 10 minutes. So, I actually spend 1 hour plus every day sitting / standing in the train cab.

It isn't easy for a science student to take art subjects. After two years of studying mostly all kind of basic science in my high school, switching to art subjects produces lots of question marks in my head. All I do in every lesson is that keep my eyes on the lectures' notes that my lectures put on the slides. I'm pretty scared that I would miss a part of them, because almost all my lectures said that the textbooks themselves aren't enough to pass my exams. Well, I paid more and more attention.

I'm a bit introvert without my twinnie. What's worse is that I always have no confidence in my English. Well, college language is English. Fear and low confidence scares my bravery to speak English, that's why I barely talk to anyone in my class. And, yes, this is the killer fact of which I'm always alone in the cafeteria in my college while my sister is having her sciences lessons.

I walk back to KL central so as to take train back to my housing area train station with my sister. Every time on board in the train while going back home, I talk nonstop to my sister about every bit piece of what I've encoutered for that day. She does the same too. That's called 35 minutes.

Of course, I passed by Taman Paramount train station everyday as that's the train station before my housing area train station. What I do for every time is that I look outside the glass clear window and see the housing area of Taman Paramount. I can't forget what my sister and I did last December, we secretively jogged to my best friend + my closest ex classmate's house. We did that so as to suprise her. Well, she then brought us to the park nearby the train station, Taman Paramount. We talked about something normal and a bit useless. But I enjoyed that. This funny thing I had done always flashback in my mind whenever I passed through that. All I can do in the train cab is that, staring and tearing in heart.

Here comes Taman Bahagia ( my housing area train station ). Before the train stops, it passes by my ex-school, SMK Taman SEA. I spent 5 years of my life being a student of this school. One word to describe, AMAZING. I never thought that this school would bring me so much nostalgia effect in my heart while I was a freshman in this school. Three years of junior years made me a strong person. Despite that, I became a dependent person. I depended a lot on my friends. I didn't know I was so dependent, until now, this state, as a freshman in my college without laughing and knowing me friends, I just realised graduating from my ex school meaning that those I depending on are not going to be a side with me, pretty sad to say, for maybe the next years of my life would be years of absence of them. I just realise that's the reason why I'm using tissue to wipe my tears now.

5 Angsana, was my class name. Getting in an A class was stressful, because all my classmates were smart, hardwroking and academically blessed. Not only that, being as one part of them made me felt like I was never good enough, which this later made me a many A- student, but not straight Cs students.

Came to co-curriculum, class 5 A never failed to loss it's presence in the school. I had a lot of clubs and uniforms' presidents classmates. Though they were always busy in their stuffs, they never neglect their time studying and bonding with the other classmates. One word to describe them, AWESOME.

We have had a Whatapps group which normally people will think we, young people will use that as a way to chit chat, talk about life and stuffs. If you have that sort of thinking, well, you are wrong. We did discussion about questions that we didn't understand. And hoped for the best explanation so that all of us could score well in SPM, even discussed for 2 hours.

Why am I writing this sort of thing? I feel like I am like an old lady remembering her past and youth time. I should stop here.

If you are reading this, please don't laugh at me, because I'll feel sad.
If you do laugh at me, well, I will pray for you so that I can still continue to love you without hatred.

God guides me throughout my life. I really thank Him for such a wonderful plan that he has for me. Not to forget my dearest ex- teachers, they didn't only teach me how to survive with my knowledge, they also taught me how to survive with a good attitude and well being.

Thanks for reading ;)
Thank you 5 A/2014 classmates, you are a piece of my memory which I'm dying to experience it again and again.

Elisa
* always cry with little things
* I'm not doing this for fun or memorial, I'm doing this because that's what I feel right now.

New and Old moments

Though the leaves fell, life of the tree still goes on.

Well, school started. Everything went well, except the fact that I kept showing my quiet and introvert style I have had from me. This shows how far the distance of socialization from me. Due to this, I'm a bit sad and sort of disappointed with myself, because I was so in to the subject of Sociology so much, yet, I fail to continue conversation with people that I've met.

I started having this lovely routine called devotion. In fact you don't know, devotion is a time which Christian reads Bible and pray to God. I read Bible like every night. I follow Daily Bread as my devotion guide. Well, after that, I write down the verses of the day in my little note book. I also write down 5 things I want to thank God, and 3 things I want to change ( sort of ).

Every time I do my devotion, I've gotta think of 5 things I want to say thanks to God. That is really a good idea for me to count and experience how great is our God.

Not to write too much, so I would like to share my photos during my trip to the Europe last December with you, my darling readers.

Lovely birds in one of the park of London, which I can't remember.

University of Nottingham.

Ex-student brought his new girlfriend.

Payphone. 

Well, smart phones nearly conquer the world nowadays.

Who is using payphone?

One of my best shoot, in Paris.

The one that got away.

Crazy thoughts with creative minds.

It has been a week since I was back to Malaysia from the Europe and the UK. What I can tell you after one week saying deep goodbye to the UK, is that I really miss the UK a lot. Really a lot.

Last Saturday, which was 3 days ago, I went to MYF ( Methodist Youth Fellowship). It was a fellowship. I was new there. My sister was also new there. Both my sister and I planned not to tell them that we were twins, let them guess who was older and all kind of stuff like that.

Sometimes, I can be a bit funny and naive.

Well, though it was in church, the youths seemed didn't know us ( we too, didn't really meet them before). It was because we seldom appeared in 8 o'clock Sunday service. Well, well, we still had fun time and learning time together. We shared some things. And yea, the guessing-twins idea really failed, because we literally wrote our birth date on the form.

Sometimes, I feel like I am a serious noob.

This sounds so wrong. Let me retell you again. What I mean is that I feel like I am a serious person while at the mean time, I'm a noob.

Smiling can actually kill someone.

Back from my holiday trip, I observed and really encountered how different things work out with different culture. The shop workers ( no matter what shop, it can be a restaurant, clothes shop or even super market ) would smile at you whenever you went in. And what I did was I smiled back.

While back to Malaysia, I went shopping with my mum and sisters. Those shops I went in, I didn't forcefully smile at them. It was so natural that I smiled to them first. Those who smiled back really made my days.

That's why, I saw the difference of Malaysia and the UK.

Receiving and giving love come so similar, yet some are by force, some are by natural.

Elisa

Lust

What you wish, sometimes there can be a chance to go wrong.

I've been reading this book called Temptation. It is indeed a great book though it's name sounded a bit too lustful and sinful. It is a horror type book. The author did a great job in keeping me to continue reading this book, until I laid out a deep breathe, then I stopped. Well, it is all about vampires and little action of love, but mostly bloody and scaring.

I wish I had more time to read. Because through reading I find that every bit of my brain starts thinking, thinking about human and how things work.

College life starts soon, very soon. I received the offer letter of my college in December. I was reading it yesterday. I'm pretty sure I didn't leave out any important words. There are two words scared me. Guess, what are those words? ORIENTATION DAY.

Lovely things work out unplanned.

Well, well. I can't keep my brain stop thinking about Orientation Day, especially what to wear. To follow what the letter informed me, I should be wearing something formal.

I've never been in a very formal outfit before.

I wish nothing stopped me from being a little kid, who wandered around my mother and father, telling them I want to go to beach.

This never comes true, I know.

My 2015 New Year resolutions will be a long list, a real long list, which I don't even know if I can do it.

But God knows how to do it, with love and patience.

Elisa X