Monday, January 27, 2014

Exciting : No feelings

Woho! I don't know any of you has this feeling or it is just me. I'm looking forward to the coming Chinese New Year!

I feel like this Chinese New Year is gonna be cool and special. Despite I will be going back to my hometown and meeting my cousins, aunties, uncles, grandparents and my old friends ( I always wish that I can meet my old friends while visiting Farly Market ), I'm pretty excited about the gathering on the night before the first day of 2014 Chinese New Year.

I'm stressed out the past few weeks. It is not because of the big exams on November, but it was because the homework that I hadn't done. Sigh. There are tonnes of homework everyday. Nearly every lesson I'll be told to do a homework. The worst day is Thursday. I'm thinking that why the teachers love giving homework so much. Don't they know that students have to use the time study at home? However, thinking back when I was form 2, there were no homework and during that time, I felt like why was that the school didn't give me homework to do? Sigh.

Anyway, homework makes me know that I should really use my time wisely. I shouldn't be wandering about at my house. You know, watching my mum playing her smartphone or watching Emily doing something weird like DOING HER HOMEWORK AND WRITING KARANGANSSSSSS (BAHASA MELAYU ESSAYS). I feel like I'm so lazy.

So, yea. Don't be lazy.

Actually I'm writing this post is just to tell my reader that one should use your time wisely. Well, during the Chinese New Year, we should really know what is fellowship among our relatives. We should really do some communication with them.

God loves his children to have fellowship among each other. Therefore, we should really give out our love to our relatives and show our helping hands when they need help like cooking or cleaning the house.
That's how I understand fellowship. You know, sometimes understand is just knowing but not practically have any actions. May God help all of us in such a way that we can have fellowship with our long time no see relatives during the only 6 days holidays.

Before Jesus was nailed on the cross, he and his disciples had a feast together. And also, before Jesus went back to the heaven, Jesus and His disciples had another feast together. Obviously, they talked to each other and this showed how important that fellowship should have among all of us. If not they were having the feast, the other disciples might not know that who sold Jesus. So, through this we can see that fellowship is not only about talking, chit chating, but it is about talking the facts and the real things. The truth. Therefore, we should talk about something that are true but not something that we cheat for to boast around the relatives. That's what I mean.

I'm serious that I'm quite looking forward to the Chinese New Year because I can take a break and be away of the school books and the reference books. Urgh.

So, yea! Remember to have fellowship with each and another during this Chinese New Year.
And, I feel like taking a break from the tonnes of homework!

Elisa Jean
5:30 p.m
26.01.2014

Thursday, January 23, 2014

Value of Oneself

Hi there! It's not easy to take my time out here to write a blog. However, I enjoy writing. I wish to make this a habit as I wish to improve my English not only by reading, speaking and also writing ( though I don't speak much ).

After a year, I'm still struggling with my English. Improve my English was my last year resolution. I don't know why, every time I speak English, I feel like everyone's mouth is laughing at me. I don't know what to do after all. The only person I speak English to is God. I don't know why. Sometimes, I tend to pray in English. I guess it is because I've been the prayer meeting nearly every school day?

I sometimes feel that I'm stupid and silly. This feeling has been with me since I was 10 years old? Haha. I guess so. I could still remember writing bad English during my Standard 6. Every time, my English teacher was going to ask people reading the text in the book, I would think that she would not call my name. Sometimes, it ended up like I couldn't pronounce the English properly. I couldn't remember was there anyone laughing at me. I hope no. But most probably yes. I always thought that my classmates were laughing at me. Laughing at my English. Laughing at my poor English.

I felt so sad. I feel so sad. I'm so sad. I keep asking myself why is that I'm so not good in English? Why I was born in a Chinese speaking family? Well. I hate myself being not thankful in what I've had. I had the time when I felt I was useless. You know, compare to the others, I'm just a tiny little timid silly poor girl. That was why I'd been thinking about.

I don't feel happy when people praising me. Because I feel like they are laughing at me. Is it call sensitive or what? I think they are just being sarcastic. I've no way to go. Because I feel like I'm just something that is 多余. ( duo yu ).

I don't know what DUO YU in English. Maybe there is no such word in English. Is that mean I'm not DUO YU in why I'm speaking English? English language is so wonderful.

I'm not saying speaking chinese is a low class thing although I write this statement out. Seriously, I'm just thinking about why I'm so weak in speaking English.

The reason of it is that I don't wanna be laughed. Flashing back the old times when I was in primary school, I was a quiet person. A person who was not active. That was because I didn't wanna be laughed? I don't know. Maybe.

I just wanna raise up this issue. Which is about a value that oneself has. Everyone is valuable. We are God's creations. Sometimes I feel like I'm not enough in things, but actually I've more than enough. MORE THAN ENOUGH. Just think about how amazing that God has given me my life. And he doesn't bring me a heart attack ( stroke ) now. ( Because I watched a video during my Bio lesson. I nearly cried. ).

So, when every time I think that I'm useless, I tell myself that God has given me so much.

Proverbs 22:16
He who oppresses the poor to increase his wealth and he who gives gifts to the rich- both come poverty.
Just a sentence/ teaching quoted from Bible.

Thanks for reading my bad english.
Elisa Jean.
3:52 p.m
23/1/2014

Saturday, January 18, 2014

Reality vs Dreams

I've been day dreaming for a long time. Really long time. I've been an awaken state but my mind has been dreaming. Dream about something old. Old things like ambitions and my life after high school.

I guess you dreamed before. It's just the duration of dreaming is not the same as mine. I dreamed about how I can live without my parents, my future friends, my life, my cool life, the hardship that I'll go through.

I'm wandering about how can my life be if I am not at Malaysia. I'll meet different people and understand different culture. I'll know different languages, stay confidence to speak English.

The work that I'll be doing: Maybe I'll future study my English language or study fashion design. The thesis that I'll be writing will be written in English. My own English. My poor English.

The friends that I'll be meeting: Different races, different faces. They may be friendly or unfriendly. I hope God can train me to be stronger with Him.

The life that I'll be having: I'll work part time job and get high salary ( I think that should be higher than Malaysia's ). I'll be scolded and I'll work at every weekend so that it won't be clashed  with my class in the Uni.

Oh dear. I've spent too much time dreaming. Day- dreaming. I've always thought about my future. Don't you think I've wasted a lot of time thinking about that without doing any thing? Action speaks louder than the words. Ok. I'm enough of that. I should face the reality.

What is the reality I'm facing right now?

I'm struggling with my Additional Mathematics. I'm having problems writing my Bahasa Melayu essays. Yes, I'm right those are essayssssss. I'm having confident problems in myself. I have to do housework so that ma mum feels she is loved. I have to do more public speaking in order to get A for my Aural Tests. I should have studied my Biology Chapter 1 and done my revision books.

That's a sad thing that I just realised I need to face the reality. The community I'm living in. ( Probably with my classmates in school ). I should not be day dreaming like a pig ( though I don't think pigs dream, do they?).

In the bible, the book proverbs is talking about how stupid people and the wise people act. Stupid people think about something that are evil and have got a lot of ways to achieve something. While the wise people work hard to get the fruits to eat. See, now you know I'm so stupid.

I've to wake up. Wake up. Wake up. I should stop myself thinking so much about the future. It's because God is controlling my future. Thanks God, I'm still here and I finally realised I should wake up.

Glory to the Lord.
I'll change my attitude with the strength of God.

With haha,
Elisa Jean.
5:47 p.m
18.01.2014
Saturday

Monday, January 13, 2014

Senses

Have you ever had these feelings? Feeling lazy, sleepy, energetic in heart but not physically. I probably has had these feelings. These make me a lazy and stupid person. In other word, I'm completely a lazy one. I wish I can improve in my feelings by not having these feelings.

I'm recently too in to music. I ain't good in music. To be honest, sometimes, music makes me feel uncomfortable and stressful. You know, if you are a guitarist or a pianist or someone who knows how to play music, you may feel the same way as mine (if you are the type that not very good = like me ). And I really have to overcome fear and the timid that I always have in my heart and my brain. However, what God tell us is that not to be afraid of someone who will not harm your soul. So, why should I care?

Being a person who like art ( sometimes I'm too obsess), I make bracelets, draw pictures ( abstract ), match color of my pictures, read books, write blog, do talking with people I want to talk to and take photos, I somehow feel like these arts things make me a person who doesn't like study. Seriously, I don't find study interesting but sometimes, I make myself study and do the homework. Sometimes, I feel so stressful with the study as you know I'm taking 3 sciences. I kept asking myself, why I have chosen 3 sciences and yet I have to study for 2 years.

Well, that is my work and that is what I should do. If not, I'm not going to have a degree, or a job in the future. I'm telling myself, not to be lazy but to be hardworking in my physical way as well as mentally.

Recently, I've been thinking about senses. You know, in Standard 1, you learnt about 5 senses that human have. So,  particularly, art is something that entertains human's 5 senses. So, people can use eyes to see things, like pictures, photos. Human use ears to hear sounds, like music, people's talking. Human use mouth to talk. Human use nose to smell ( ya people also use mouth to EAT). Human use skin to touch and to discover the world, to discover how to play piano.

How great that God has created the world. People can actually use their sense to enjoy the arts around the world and the surroundings. Without art, life is stressful and i can't think about how it would be. Without science, you and I would probably fail in using the creation of God to invent things in the world and we will never discover how to write, draw, invent a piano, build a building, do a math question. We'd not be educated and we may not know that we have 5 senses which can enjoy the arts.

Probably, life is not about stress and working ( many chinese think that way ). We need balance in our life so that we can live a meaningful life. MEANINGFUL LIFE.

Proverbs, a book from the bible, which I've been reading about this month, jotted a lot about how righteous people should behave and righteous people are always hardworking. So, I should be hardworking! Stop some stupid entertainment ( watching TV , I've enough of that, though I don't mean watching TV is a stupid entertainment, just personal opinion ).

Crazy things about this month is that, I'm currently reading 4 books. Yes, you are right 4. I'm reading a Bahasa Melayu book which I've borrowed from my school library, an English novel, a Chinese essays book and last but not least, BIBLE.

So, let us ( including you, if you want to include yourself ) be hardworking. Be the one who is favored in God's eyes.

Here is a song which was sung by a good voice.

Let it Go, by Elsa. 

Thanks for reading.
Elisa Jean :)
4:50 p.m 
13.1.14

Friday, January 10, 2014

Operation Room

Time passed so quick. I'm now 16 years old 10 months. I wish to have a really happy birthday this year. What can make me be happy? Probably everyone is happy, then I'm happy!

I just came back from school after the CF meeting. I'm so grateful that I'm from a Christian family. If you are not one, please don't be sad. Because at least, you are now reading my post and knowing that how joyful you can be with God.

So, yea. Having meeting with the Christians in school is such a great experience that I'll not forget. You know, I have to force myself to speak English ( which is my weakest language ever ). However, knowing that they probably will not laugh at you ( me), you feel comfortable in speaking that stinky language.

Yea. I can still remember the Rv in church at Sydney. She said my chinese name sounded like writer's name. Then, she asked me whether I like writing or not. I said NO. Ok. Probably I love writing. Haha. But it's just that languages are my big enemies. So, what is the point telling people you love writing? NO POINT.

Anyway, I just wanna to tell you why I own this blog which is full of grammar mistakes and uncompleted sentence structures. It is because I want to write something. I want to express something. I can't share the  joy with myself, of course. I don't know whether there is anyone reading my blog. But I don't bother. ( Actually I bother -.-)

The braces that have sticked on my teeth are going to be gone. Understand? Haha. I'm really happy about that. I don't like the smell of the dentist clinic. You know, the anti germs' smell. So, yea. I really thank God that my parents allowed me to wear the braces. This is what God has done to me. I probably was scared of seeing the dentist. I mean since I was young. Even in school, there is regular teeth check up for students. I even cried when I was called out to see the dentist. You know, that kind of smell and the chair are pretty scary. I felt like going into an operation room. So, ya. I had to go. I was really scared as even though I hadn't sit on the chair, I cried like a person who was crying ( HAHA). Then, it ended up I didn't need to sit on the chair and not even let the dentist see what was inside my mouth.

Anyway, now, I'm still feel a little bit afraid of seeing dentist. However, I feel good as my dentist has got a pretty dentist room ( not to label it as operational room any more ). The room has the theme of ocean. Every time, when I look up the wall, I see the pictures of whales, fishes and nemos. That calms me down and I don't feel afraid anymore. Ocean is a great creation of God ( That was what I was thinking about yesterday when I met my dentist ). It is cool to have a theme for every operational room. COOL

I love cool stuffs. Or I should say like everything I love are cool stuffs? haha.

So, yea. This year, I'm gonna to be not so timid any more, as I know that God is always with me.
Say NO to timid.

Thanks for reading.
Elisa Jean O

p.s please wash your brain after reading my blog posts because they were written in bad English!

Thursday, January 2, 2014

New Year: New Life

Hi everybody! Today is a cool day! I went to school after a 2 month long holidays. I met my teachers and I said hai and good morning. The teachers have become more friendly compares to last year. I'm now in Form 5 and I feel good. Super good. I have too many new year resolutions. Yea! The trip in Australia was really cool and I love it. However, I didn't enjoy much of the unhappy times with my family. Now, I really really miss my cousin. Though I didn't talk a lot to her.

2014 is a super special year. It's my last year in secondary school and sitting with my neighbour in school ( apparently my sister ). I did wrote down my new year resolutions and I hope it really works!

Here are my new year resolutions!

1. Workout 4 times a week.
I've been getting fatter and fatter. I wanna to lose weigh and also build my muscle.

2. Concentrate on practising piano.
I've not been practising the piano with all my heart and soul. I gotta be more concentrate on this so that I can continue Grade 4 this year!

3. Read 1 book in 2 months time.
I love reading books! Especially the English books! I gotta do that despite being busy with my big exam this year end.

4. Manage my time wisely.
I'm weak in time management. May God listen to me.

5. Read 1 book of bible in a month.
Reading God's words is where everyone gains wisdom. Through this, my life will be much more interesting and full of colours and positive things.

6. No more online.
Facebook is like a drug, keeps attracting me to sign in and post something.
Instagram is like a sweet, wants me to eat it and enjoy it.

7. Speak more English
Chinese language is my mother tongue language. I speak Chinese comfortably. I'm scared of speaking English, but since my English teacher in school is so excited about this year's Oral Test, I'm gonna practise hardly!

Always remember that let God to guide your life. He is the wisdom and you can only be wise by obeying His words.

My last year's resolutions were all about English. I don't think I've achieved most of them. I was low self esteem, that's why I couldn't cope for those. Friend, if you are low self esteem, please let God lead your life and let Him know that you really need His help. I suggest that you can go to church and attend the fellowship with people at your age. Maybe the friends you meet there can help you! I really want you to know that low self esteem is a really not good thing. You'll find it hard to do everything because of this. I'm telling you that you're worthy because you are one of the precious creation of God! God loves you!

My new life is gonna to be interesting as I stop participating co- curriculum in school. ( I hope you are not my teacher) I don't fancy like the activities because getting new friends just make you feel like so stressful because you face the peer pressure. I'm not saying that you must follow what I say or what I say is totally right. It's just my opinion, my personal opinion. I've no time participating this and that.So, no point of that. I really wanna say sorry to my teachers because I know they always encourage students to join. Teacher, if you're reading this, please forgive me, because I really have no time and this is my choice.

This year gonna be great, I guess. If you are reading this, I hope you enjoy reading my blog. I hope you can continue supporting me by reading my posts.

Thanks for reading!
Elisa Jean X
2:45 p.m