the start of that economics.

just finished watching another youtube video. watching youtube video is my guilty pleasure. 

i thought back and reflected on what i have been doing for the past few years, for what i have been working hard on, and what i might be pursuing in. i will never forget how my 2015 classmates told me that they could not afford for meals, and how their parents were not at home and how they had no choice but to choose for the cheapest meal option. they have a rich mind with a thin wallet. i was shocked by how much allowance they got that time. 

it was then i told myself that i had to study economics. 

along the way studying overseas, i got to talk to different kinds of people. i got to meet different kind of people. people around me are making me more eye opening than before. i remember studying this course called business society. all my business school friends hated it so much. but i surprisingly found more than tutorial and lecture in this course. i found philosophy. 

one solid theory that i had learnt was that, before industrial revolution, people looked up to you if you have a great job. they looked at your occupation and what you did as a living. today, not so much. people look at what you can buy, what you have gotten to make your living standards better. they look up to this kind of things. the more aesthetic things you have, the better you can be. 

for my time in australia, i have tried hard to listen to people. listening to what they have to say about their dreams, their pursue of career, their views on money, spending and earning. as i tried to learn more about how rich a person could be, i could never count how many times i've met homeless people on the street. they sleep everywhere. 

all of the sudden, i realise, it is not me who can do this, and rescue them, or giving them the hopes. but it is more than me giving out to them. it is to survive in this society, to grab the bread, to be competitive, to be aesthetic looking, to not be afraid of shame and failure. 

contradiction arrives when i start to see that sometimes the pie is too good to not be shared. it is too good that rarely anyone can ever share. it is hard to get the pie. 

now then, what can i do as an economics graduate who hardly keep myself survive in australia? 

pray and pray.