February!

I have spent my time in reading novels.

I am not sure if I'm doing the right things. I always feel being immersed in the context of the novels whenever I read them. The more I read, the more I find myself being taken away from Malaysia, into a piece of new land where everyone speaks English. 

I don't know why I love reading. I am scared that it is a desire, an irresistible desire. That scares me a lot, like a lot. Sometimes, I'll just tell myself to not touch the novels. I'm scared that I'll be polluted by the thoughts of the authors. That's my biggest fear when I read books. Never think that reading is a healthy activities, because not every book is healthy, not every book suits your religion.

There's always a fear swirling around my mind. I'm scared that one day, I am disconnected with God. I'm very scared of how much more desire traps that I'll be falling into. Or at least, how much traps I'll encounter. I think that's how Adam and Eve had felt once they sinned. They hid themselves, not wanting to let God know about what they had done. After all, I'm more like Adam, who was brave enough to tell God about what he had done. I don't want to be distracted by the desires. I don't know who on earth has the same problem as mine. I don't know if I'm the odd 19 year-old-girl who keeps thinking about what Satan will do to me. 

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It's really great to look back what I have done last year. I feel old. 

I keep telling myself not to be like who I was, because I strongly need a change. A change that can change people around me. A change that can change my future. I didn't get good grades last year. I disappointed no one but myself. I seek for another life. I'm too excited about being in the first year of my degree. I can't wait to take the chance and explore. Things are too exciting. 

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Yeap! Chinese New Year is around the corner. I'm pretty happy about meeting different kinds of people. I just want to have a holiday that everyone also has. I mean, who wants to be like me right now? My sister and I are having holidays, but no one else in the house has! 

Thanks for reading my mind, I really appreciate that!