Different Views

I thank God for today, that I managed to finish my economics test paper.

I'm gonna tell you a story about my Economics. It was a really tough subject which I didn't like because I made myself failed in the first three tests. I wasn't quite sure what I should do to at least pass for my Economics, however, I prayed and trusted God that He would make me a way and give me the best. Yes, it ended up I passed my next two tests. And I was so grateful. 

I'm a horrible person, who is always proud of myself. I feel shameful when I don't hit the standard that people have stated. If I do hit the standard, I laugh inside my heart, because I win. I left my pride to conquer myself until one day, I felt like this wasn't right. Because what I had done would never be my own effort. Never. It's all done by God. Well, I need to keep in mind that glory is not mine. 

It's really hard for youngsters nowadays to place God at first. In church, every youth might seem like very actively praising God during praise and worship session. And they know that God shall be the first in their life. After church, they, no shall be we, barely remember what we should do. We barely remember why there is the existence of God, why people need God and why ourselves need God. And there's never a great thought about purpose of our life, because we tell ourselves we are still young. 

We can have tonnes of friends, but we don't even know what our life is for. We never realise it is important to think about our future or even what to do for this instance. I mean I've failed lots of time to plan what to do and why I'm doing something. I really don't know. I've lost myself many times, and there comes with a no solution end for each lost. 

An unsuccessful planning is planning to fail. And the aimless planning for an aim is aimless.

 

I struggle a lot with what I'm doing right now. I take up many responsibilities. I feel energetic sometimes, but many times, I feel like leaving the world and hide myself, reading novels. And that's what I want to do. I ain't scared that due to my incomplete responsibilities, I'll be scolded. What I understand is that if I'm absence from my present life, there will be no future for my tomorrow. How I wish I could retire right now, reading novels for the rest of my life. And that's gonna be the best and most unreal dream ever. 

Planning for my future. Yea, that sounds amazing yet tiring. My brain keeps telling me to follow my desire but the purpose of my desired ambition is not as meaningful as what I want. My closer to reality ambition, on the other hand, is more meaningful, but required lots of thinking and studies. I ain't sure if I could cope with it. And I leave no answer for these.