Grateful

I've changed.

I find myself being to expressive sometimes. I really don't like the feeling of that, knowing myself as an active person.

Crazy I see how people have talents in doing many things, while I'm still finding a talent of mine ( which I believe it will exist, but never exist ). I've tried hard to do what I should do, but I failed to title the word  successful on what I've done. I'm serious, I'm to weak.

I read the 4 first chapters of Exodus from the Bible. I learnt that Moses was weak too. He couldn't speak in front of Pharoah. He told God that he was weak and not blessed to speak with courage. In the end, God appointed his bro to help him doing the talking part, though they failed like 9 times to convince Pharoah let their people go.

This is such an amazing story. I see courage and weakness present on the same time in this story. I feel like I, myself, am also going through this phase. I'm weak, but I still know that there are people who are willing to help me ( including God,  for sure ). I'm not alone.

I've seen people regret doing what they have done. Well, I just back from my church youth. I was asked this really serious but unrealistic question - What would you do, if your life is rewind? My mind stopped for 1 second, and 5 seconds onward, my mind flashed back to what I regretted. Well, definitely, stopped learning piano when I was 8.

Being self known as a low grade piano student, I'm always grateful that I know how to play piano. However, at the same time, my heart was torn into 2 parts. I have this super sad and low self esteem feeling about myself. Probably because I'm still an amateur. I fail to be the pro. I'm slow.

I really thank God about what I have. I retake piano after my Form 3 public exam. The feeling of retaking is amazing. I find back what I used  to learn. I know more that what I've learnt before though it was a restart. Thank God that at least I'm titled as an AMATEUR!

How lovely everything can be, but at the same time, scary and fear make the lovely things run away like a mad dog. That's how things work in the world.

Shall we work together and get back an everlasting lovely surrounding?

Well, love will conquer all, I believe.