▼: February

It's February.

I never know I can survive in college since this is the first time I don't have my sister by my side during lessons. Well, there are so many independent lessons to learn.

I really don't know how to express what I'm feeling right now. Taking this course- Ausmat, is really not a good idea for people like me, because there is always at least a test every week ( If you get what I mean ).

I'm in the super stressful mode nearly everyday, because I've got so much to do. And I feel like my working load never finish. Never.

There are too much to worry about. I worry about my results, my homework, piano practices, club meetings, service learning and so on. I come to a point which, I can really, tell myself that, these things are not the most important things, being a perfectionist doesn't mean I'm perfect. Well, I give up doing my so called best in everything. I just do till the mind set of giving up comes upon. I'm still weak, yet, though God who strengthens me, I can do anything. This is the little yet powerful thing that pops up in my mind, when I have those melancholic feelings.

I don't know how people think about me. Wow. Maybe I'm too proud of myself or too low in self esteem. I don't know who am I. Seriously. Compared to last year February, I was, worrying about how to overcome fear talking to people I don't know. Now, I fear of being to proud or too proactive.

I learn to be more talkative, but almost forget how to be polite. I just feel like I'm a person who can sell fish - selfish. I think about myself before thinking about others. I seek for advantages. I seek for everything that is good, but not bad. I seek for nice things but not giving any help to people.

Therefore, I seek for opportunities to help people. Well, this gonna be my goal of the year.

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So, I accepted this #28daysoflove Challenge from my former school head master.