Elisa, read this when you're remorseful.

Sometimes, when I think about my future and my past, I feel restless.

It's as if there's an unplanned way for me to go. It's as dark as the night. I really have no idea where to head to. It's then until I have made a decision, a difficult one actually, then, I find a way out of the darkness. The decision is made without any big discussion. It's something that popped out in my mind one day, and my brain translated the information to my parents. They allowed it. There I go.

I wonder how many people out there studying Business like I do. At the least, I know some are doing property, finance and accounting. It's very devastating. I feel as if there is a wrecking ball hitting myself. You know, that kind of feeling that I can't have my feet stand on the ground. That's it! I feel the danger of competition. The little evil version of me keeps shouting inside my heart. All I hear is to be more hardworking, to fight, to win the competition.

I can't keep up with the fast pace that people around me have had. I want to get some rests, a real nice rest, the one that I can read tonnes of novels through the days and nights for years. It's impossible. I keep dreaming for being fed my my parents until the day God calls me home. But that's still impossible. That's why people want to be toddlers very much.

I don't want to be a toddler.

It's time to lay down everything to God. The moment when I think about God is the one who controls life and death. I lay out my breathe, a very long one. Every stone and weight in mind is taken away, and thrown into somewhere I will never go. At the moment, every thing seems so good and nice. It's the glory and creation of God that always amaze me. God has amazed me a lot, a lot.

I always forget how God has strengthened me.