Independence

I like how human socialize with each other.

When I first came across this word 'socialise', I thought it was something dirty and sinful. It was a word I learnt when I was Form 3, equivalent to the age of 15. I knew the real meaning behind it after one year. That was pretty much how I learnt this word.

I find myself spending too much time talking about the past. It wasn't productive. Using today's time for yesterday. Now, I want to switch.

I am learning to be independent. It is not easy. Doing something alone is really scary at some point, because people might think you're anti social. I can go crazy by doing things alone, staying home alone, or even cooking alone. I discover that I have lots of disability when I'm alone. And I'm here asking why. But 'why' shouldn't be the word we should discover, we should know 'how'.

I get this a lot, 'where is your sister?', 'why are you alone?' and 'I thought you girls can't be separated!'. These questions will end up with the same answer.

Normal human being is single person. In a way that we will never assume he or she is dependent. Because people who aren't twins, they are more independent, in everyone's view. But when it comes to me, a twin, I feel so uneasy to talk to people alone. It's like missing some part of my confidence. I guess, there are many people out there who are like me, social awkward. However, they are less being understood. Humans are too naturally think all of us can survive on our own.

Please don't get me wrong. This 'survive on my own' simply means being independent.

Thus, dependent has become my obsession. Sitting alone is better than sitting with someone I know but without my twin. The social awkwardness has hit its highest level inside me. I keep thinking of getting it out. It's coming out gradually.

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