I own something that many people don't.
Sometimes I feel curious about how people think about me. I'm weird in the sense that you can see me being hyperactive in this moment, and being down in the next hour.
I'm so tired nowadays. I have to keep in mind with my studies, which I particularly feel burdened and stressed out. I guess I'm not that stressed out as my sister does. She literally gets high blood pressure today since she has that reddish patched on her cheeks. Thus, we consider that she has got high blood pressure. Water always helps. So, I instructed her to drink water.
It's about how I keep being off track from my plan and my principle. The desire that makes me feel lazy constantly haunting me. My body shuts down whenever I'm alone or on my bed. I don't even put an effort doing house chores. I can still remember this lecturer of mine told me to start doing house chores so as to ease my mum's burden. Yes, I know. I'm really terrible at it.
After being scolded by my mum due to my complaints of myself, I finally shut up in front of her. But I still keep asking myself if I'm really useless. This uselessness I find in myself is really useless. I don't do well in studies, communication, sports, music as well as house chores. I don't even cook nice food. I told my dad that the existence of my mum makes me stop eating food that is not for human. Obviously I'm telling him that I cook food that's (apparently not even) for animals. And I eat those stuff.
Therefore, my mum sort of begs me to stop being low self esteem. I feel even sad. I make my mum worrying about those little things that I worry. Sometimes, I just feel like pressing a restart button in my body and clear my "why am I so dump?" question in my brain. How I wish this question had never existed before. I really have no idea how.
I get people saying I'm emotional. Yes, apparently yes. Truthfully, yes.
But how am I gonna save myself?!
No comments:
Post a Comment