Little things

There are lots of things to be completed.

I'm sad to say I'm a failure of things. Low self esteem beats me hard. Or else, it is laziness which gives me this on going failure. Time management is a hard subject, I thought I could bear with it since the beginning of the year, but I'm sure, I'm wrong.

I got this little thing in my mind. I'm never a good one. Whenever I'm with lots of people, talking about random stuff, I would be like, I ain't interested about the topics. It's sort of a sickness of mine. I would really like to get out of it. I find my life is as if an empty sheet of paper, I haven't even drawn anything on it. I feel really hopeless, indeed. As if the paper will soon be burned, fire will be at every where. I would be no where.

Let's don't get into that emotional situation. I keep reminding myself that I've got a lot of things to do, but I end up procrastinating. You know, I can even end up doing nothing for the whole night. That's how bad I can go. 

Today, there were a whole bunch of my college alumni gave shares about their current life and how they went through their college life. I missed the first 20 minutes, because I was having photography taking session. They shared about how great overseas were, and how they coped with the hardship. Reflect to myself, it was kind of hard for me, because I know nothing about being on my own. I would say I'm still learning, and this thing called low self- esteem makes me even worse. I thought of abandon it like long ago, it would silently creep into my little heart, and eat up the whole part of my bravery again. The feeling is horrible.

And those alumni were studying on scholarship. It was kind of ridiculous thing for me to do it, because it seems like it's impossible. Some more, I just failed one of my my hard work subject today. They said it wasn't hard to do it, because it was something that was achievable. I know I should believe in those nerds and geeks, because I was once a nerd. And yes, there is still a possibility for me to achieve.

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