I wonder how this work in the society nowadays. We tend to take everything as granted. We forget about how people actually make an effort and give us that granted blessing. We stopped being thankful about things we have had, because we never feel enough.
I closed my eyes, sat alone in the new canteen in my college, thought about lots of things. Thought about how dependent I was, on my friends. I couldn't live without my friends. I used to think how much I needed my twin sister in the past. Every decision made by me, was 70 percent made by her. She wasn't controlling me nor abusing me, but I gave her the authority to do so. Since the day I knew how to write, I'd been dependent on her.
Depending on people you love is not wrong, and never wrong. The more you depend on someone, the more you feel like you've no identity when you're not with him or her. I felt this sense of lost belonging. It's as if the world is a new place, though you've been living in the same world for more than 15 years. Then, you claimed that you are not familiar with the world. Because most of the time, you're using the person you depend on as a specs of yours to view the world. The pain of not seeing things clearly is really painful. It's worst than being blind, because you can see, but you can't see clearly. The sense of eagerness to know something grows bigger and bigger, yet, there is no solution for it. No solution.
I guess, that's what we call, growing up, and being as an adult. I ain't sure, when the day of a teen to become an adult is. Because as we grow continuously, we learn new things everyday. We play around, we share things with our friends and etc. As time goes, we find out that we have had a new identity in the group of friends. We name ourselves, the squad. As if we will not be separated even if the world comes to an end. However, this is not true. There will be an end, at which, we have to learn to be independent. We search around the world, do our work, have a life. Friends, are still friends. You count on them when you need help. They too, count on you when they need help. I guess, this is what we call friendship, the ship that will stop at different dock, but it will continue its journey and stop again. I guess, that's what we call a cycle too, an on going journey. I guess, that's what I call love, because love never stop.
Years after depending on my sister, I finally got to have opportunity to force myself to be independent. I wasn't myself at first. The first day in college was horrible. The feeling of being scared constantly conquered my mind. No friend, no close one, nothing at all. What was left was my malfunctioning brain, the brain that would not work accordingly, the brain that made me feel so dump.
Prayers work all the time, all the time prayers work. I ain't sure how much God has done for my life. The moment when I introduce my father in heaven in my blog, I feel as if I'm introducing a friend of mine. I know how boring it is to read Bible, because it's like reading history. However, when you love this friend of yours, you'll check what's up to him. Funny how, we can laugh at random things like, a funny hairstyle, but we feel disconnected with the wisdom of God. I guess, we shall build our relationship with the right person, from there, we find a sense of belonging, which make us being known as the unique one. Because we were created by God, and God has different plan on everyone. I guess, that's what we define amazing. God's plan amazes me.
"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you."
- Matthew 7:7
Elisa Jean.
