Dilemma

It is not hard to say goodbye.

I feel like I'm a geek in my friend gang. I lack of the fun and some more interests. I only know life and some stupid philosophy which people will never demand to know. I'm such a geek.

I'm taking consideration about the level of friends. I don't know the meaning of friends. A gang of people I love? A gang of people I care about? What else? Will the relationships stay long? Will it be forever? Is it everlasting?

Family are whom we depend on. I have no choice, but to know and understand each of my family member. I have to talk to them or perhaps comfort them when they have problems or depression. I thought family members are the closet to me, is that really true?

I keep thinking about questions. But there is no answer. Because I don't dare to ask. I can't figure out the answers. What does love mean to me? Am I mature enough to love people around me? Am I myself? Am I judging others by their looks? I really have no ideas.

I can't remember since when I have gotten into this identity crisis. I find no me in the current me. I know whoever is reading this will definitely find it difficult to understand what I'm trying to say. It's too complicated.

I thought I could just forget about the world, forget everyone, and then sleep soundly in a room, with not disturbance. But that could not be forever. How I wish, everyone was happy so that I could be happy and well, not wearing a smile, but giving a real smile.

I always think about people judging me or things like that. I know, this will eventually make me turn into a really depressing person. I don't want that! I never want to be melancholic again. I never want.  Never.

It's so hard to say. It's so hard to choose. Choose to believe that they are not judging me. Choose to believe that they are real. Choose to believe that they love me the same as I do. Choose accept the truth.