Was

Hello my reader(whoever is reading this post)! I'm sorry that I keep posting passage like non stop. Don't ask me why, because I'm gonna tell you why. I've too much to say. I wanna let people know what I'm thinking. Not that I want people to notice me or care about me, but to know what they're doing and what really matter their life. I strongly feel the uneasiness living here in my area. I have the feeling that people are materialistic, money minded and luxurious minded. I can't tell them to stop the thinking but what to do? So, I'm writing this post to tell them & my readers.

So yea. One year ago, I was a stupid, timid and loved pretty girl. I wanted to get good results and wear pretty clothes. That was me. Everyday I checked my mass as I wanted it to be 40 kg/ 90 pounds. Guess what? I always couldn't loss my weight because that time I was 42 kg. People, think about this, how can a person who is 160 cm tall weigh 40 kg? I didn't claim myself a thin or a slim person because I kept thinking I was too fat. I WANNA BE THE SLIMMEST ABD THE THINNEST. I thought that. Just eating 2 pieces of toast as my breakfast, one palm of rice and vege as my lunch and one palm of rice and vege for my dinner and an apple everyday. I drank neither sweet drinks nor drinks beside water. I didn't eat chocolate. I jogged twice a week. That was my routine. I cared too much about my body shape and I couldn't manage to concentrate on my study because I'd been thinking what should I have for my next meal. I suffered hunger and aneroxia nervosa. This unhealthy routine made my face paler and paler until one day... My friend, Mandy, whom mother fetched me for going back school, asked me was I sick. I said no. Then there I realised I was thin enough but still my weight maintain at 41 kg. So, yea I knew I had problem with my health but I didn't care much about it.

Until I was in Form 4, I started stop having this stupid mind set. Because I think food is so and super delicious (except the meat, I'm still not a fan of red meat). So yea, but then I found out I gained weight and I felt like I'm being fat. Therefore, I felt sad at once. Due to the activities I'd joined in my school, my busy led to my careless in my eating habit.

Till I realised there are much more things I have to do instead of having my worrying mode of my eating habit all the time. I jo maximum 4 times a week, minimum once. Then I started know that as a Christian I shouldn't join this 'getting fit' gang. I shouldn't be having this stupid thinking in my mind, but to know more about learning like Jesus's characters and then spread the gospel.

'KEEP ONESELF FROM BEING POLLUTED BY THE WORLD' 

I came across this verse while I was reading Bible. I wondered if I was polluted by the world. The answer must be yes. I was polluted by the world. I thought about how important getting scholarship and earning as much money as I can in the future and how to attract people to notice me.  I wanted people to mind me, to care about me. I wanted to be the only and the most special person. I didn't care, I just loved it. 

Now, I just wanna share this to you. I strongly feel that there is a God who conducts the whole world and love everyone( as everyone is created by Him). I can tell you my realisation is because of His grace as he let me know that I'm weak and strengthless without Him. Don't tell me there isn't such thing as God. The whole world shows that the things are created by someone. Example, you're now using an iPhone or maybe Samsung. This 2 products must be created by someone or a group of people, they can't be created without someone. So, same as you and the whole world! You are created by God and loved by Him.

So yea! Here comes to an end of my post. I just wanna let you know that you are special as God has created you. Maybe you think you are stupid, but I tell you, no one is stupid. Like me, stupid person (my brain is small) I still can write something long like this although you may not understand some of my sentences because of grammar mistakes. 

Always be joyful & loved,

Elisa Jean.