Saturday, November 25, 2017

Reassurance

Sometimes I find it good to rest in my little bedroom, organising whatever that are in my mind. 2017 has been a year that is full of different stories. Tears of every kinds make this year an epic year.

I always hope that one day my life can be changed and I can be another person. I wish to be the people that I have looked up to. I wish to live like how they have lived. I have always complained about how insufficient I am in receiving blessing from God. I always fail to see the beauty of God's plan.

Weeks ago, my church here in Adelaide has had a missionary visiting us. She is Maggie and she talked about how she has become a missionary. She said that prayer is the scariest thing to do. It reveals things that you do not want to hear. Truly, we are often committing ourselves in doing things that we want for ourselves, we forget to see the bigger picture. We give ourselves more and more reasons of not following what God has taught us, holding on to the self that we have always been. It is scary to throw ourselves into the bin and submit the life and authority to God. Giving up ourselves and feeling what God wants us to do.

I see this. I am so broken. I always tell my best friend that I am so broken. He will always reply by saying that we all are broken. Yes, we are all broken.

How many times I find myself watching people's photos or instagram stories and thought of achieving what people have achieved in their lives. The urge inside my mind pushes me to pursue more of what I want. The attachment that I have had for a companionship grows stronger. I look up the sky and moon that hangs alone in the sky. I saw God's promise during one of my alone walk at the nearby park. The reassurance that God has given to me makes me realise once again that attachment to another person is more of a lust than love if I do not have a complete relationship with God.

I see a sinner self, the little one who is stressed by the dreams that I have not achieved.

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