Once again I found myself sitting in front of my laptop and tears rolling down on my cheeks while I was listening to the Christian songs.
It was just another tough day in winter. I had told myself too many times not to tear, but to be brave and strong. There was no time for tears and sadness. I was all alone in my tiny room.
The songs struck me too many times. Thinking about the meaning of the lyrics alone made me cry even harder.
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I had told thousands times of my stories to my closed friends. I shared the bits and pieces of what I had done in my second job of my life. I was constantly in fear of making mistakes. It ain't playing, it ain't video games, it ain't studying. Working is being responsible to yourself, your employer, your colleague and the innocent customers. This is the second job that I got in my life.
Like many times, I hold a playful heart to work. With the deepest view of my heart, sometimes I see work as a kind of torture, like the punishment from God. Sometimes I see it as a blessing, a wonderful way to express serving in love. Different days have different views. Some days I live as if I have got no regrets.
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6 years old kid.
A future engineer, he said.
I was sitting in front of a 6 years old kid on one of the ordinary but not so typical Friday night. I was in church, having dinner with fellow international students who were also Christians like me. The little kid was Jordan, probably my favourite guy currently in Australia. He was eating and his mum was by his side. I like how he could just mix together with us who were so much older. I was watching him all the time. My friend talked to him.
One thing struck my mind: I can't talk to kid. This is the biggest yet saddest issue I have right now. I remember reading 'The Little Prince'. It was one of the best literature I have ever read. There was a part where the little prince told the man who were repairing the plane that adults always quantify things. Adults use a lot of numbers.
I thought, I was just like one of the adults who talked about figures and always analysing the figures.
My normal start off conversation with kids goes like this:
Me: What is your name?
Kid: *his name*
Me: How old are you?
Kid: *Showed their fingers to represent their age*
Me: How many friends do you have?
Kid: *Showed me their fingers to represent the number of friends*
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It is terrifying to talk to kids, because that makes me realise how deep the cuts in my hearts are. Their conversations always point me back to the reason I am on this earth. They remind me of the passion and love that I had when I was young. They retell me the story that I used to tell my dad when I was young. They dig out the original purpose that I have for everything that I do.
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'So you are no longer slave, but God's child;
and since you are his child, God has made you also an heir.'
and since you are his child, God has made you also an heir.'
- Galatians 4:7