I have that simple destiny to head off to.
When it's like a bizarre, self help is never gonna help.
I'm a Christian, reading the Bible everyday, knowing by brain that God is always looking after me. I used to read a lot of story books, trying to find social philosophy out of them. These days, watching YouTube is my hobby because it is as addictive as Pokemon Go.
I always know what to do for everyday as I always have my daily planner telling me what to do for the day. The schedule I have had, have never changed since the past 2 years. I involve myself in church or 'Christian' events a lot.
It has become a routine of mine, and a way of mine to serve God. I feel pressured every time I'm on the job. I know, I'm a Christian, have to have Christ-like characters. The pressure of being a soft spoken person, serving people regardless of their ethnicity and being able to help people whenever they are in need.
I'm not soft spoken, but I'm a big trumpet. I'm always judging people by how they look like, or they act, then I tell myself not to judge. I'm very 'sexist' when I'm helping people, because I'm scared being trapped in with guys. I'm reluctant to help people when I have planned to study efficiently for the whole day.
I'm selfish.
I'm always depressed when I see people getting attention from someone, because I love being like the disco ball in a club, the shinny, shimmering, glittered light, the center of sight of everyone. I love captivating everyone into my that one and truly unique U-shape smile. I love drawing that kind of U-shape line on my face.
I always seek for myself. That's what people nowadays called self-help. It's as if I'm trying to carry myself so that I will not touch the ground.
I'm in the midst of letting go my pride, the pride that makes me feel low in self esteem, the pride that makes me think that God is my servant, I can command Him with prayers whenever I want, the pride that crowns me with ugliness and self-pitied character, the pride that always makes me feel disconnected with brothers and sisters in Christ.
I'm laying down my pride, I write for Him, because He has given me the ability to type and write, because He has given me the opportunity to post it online, because He has given me abundant of things, because I'm always His no matter how many crowns and flowers I have or I have not received from the world.
Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to god and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up. ( James 4:7-10)
I tried too hard to be a Christian by taking step 1 to '0000 of steps.
He does, I follow. Simple but complicated, slowly but too slow. Focus and trust.
Brothers and sisters, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against a brother or sister or judges them speaks against the law and judges it. ( James 4:11)
Brothers and sisters are willing to help, we are together.
We have that simple destiny to head off to.