February is Exciting

It has been a long while since I last posted.

I have been great. I am very grateful for everything. January was a thrilling month which I got to live together with my sister only. That was a quite tough job but we somehow made it through the end. We have gone back to our hometown last Monday. It was a so-so experience on plane. Before I forget, we met a well known producer of our hometown. We didn't say HI or get photos because 1st, that was weird and 2nd I usually do not react to those popular people when I see them.

It has been a great week in my hometown. Unlike having holiday alone with my sister in Kuala Lumpur, we didn't go to church every day like we used to do it in KL. We stayed at home but went to park for walk almost every day. I have stayed strong in doing workout by Blogilates. The workouts are intense and fulfilling. Those make you sweat a lot when you are doing and make you sore in the following morning. It's a Youtube channel that I refer to. I enjoy doing that a lot these days.

I have gotten everything ready for studying overseas except getting an accommodation. I was worrying for the whole last week until the student rooms department replied my email. I finally feel a sense of relief. But I'm still working on getting a good and suitable accommodation. I pray hard.

I'm very excited about getting my degree. It's exciting to wait for the first day of university. I always want to have a university life. The life that's tough as no family member will be there with me. I feel like getting the challenge. That's a battle of God and I with the world. I'm ready for this.

I somehow don't feel excited about celebrating Chinese New Year. What's in my mind are studying and getting into a new university. I guess things are all be in God's hands.

:)

A Hopeful Day

When we are young, we tend to think about the future.

I ain't sure how lonely I would be in the future. I'll be having no sisters tagging around me, I'll have to do things on my own, literally.

I have this strong urge to become a friend of everyone that I have met. 

This was what happened today.

I went to the city center of Malaysia by using train. I was freaking out because I was so scared of ISIS wandering around the city. I prayed as I went. I realised how weak I was because I was so afraid of death at that point of my life. I once prayed to God that, I would like to live until 18 years old because I wanted to experience the life as a college student. Today, I was so afraid that God would take an action of killing me. I was so scared. 

I found out how silly I was. 

Things got better after praying to God. I told my sister to study hard and continue her life, if I died. She replied with a question, asking me why was I so hopeless. I told her that I wasn't hopeless, but I was too hopeful that I could die peacefully. I thought of how simple life was.

I didn't die.

It was a hopeful day. 

I GOT ACCEPTED

It's 2016.

It's been a week since the first day of new year, I guess there are lots of people busy going through their hectic lifestyles. 

I'm thankful that I still have this so called long holidays before I start my Year 1 in university. I'm very excited to join my university, I can't wait to make new friends and crunch new books. 

Looking back when I was so anxious applying for the university, I felt like laughing at myself. I was worried about the rejection from the university. I was embarrassed about my results because I didn't expect it to be so bad ( but I'm still glad that my course doesn't have high requirement ). 

I used to regret about my career choice. I thought it was the worst thing I had got in my life. I watched Marvel cartoon a couple of days ago. It reminded me of the Marvel movie that I watched with my friends. Unlike the others who discussed about the super power and how wonderfully violent the movie turned out, I was amazed by the intelligence that the writer of the Marvel put into his characters. The whole movie had emphasised the importance of scientists and engineers.

I have literally a family full with physics geeks. I do have father and sisters, brother-in-laws who are engineers! Imagine every time when we have family dinner, the whole family talks about physics. That is literally happening in my family.

Apart from that, I felt really pressured to persue my career. Being the only non-science family member, I felt ashamed. I felt like as if I'm illiterate. God knows everyone has different ways in life. I understand that. I try hard to remember what I have learnt in the past 2 years when physics was my glory. 

***

The day when I got an email saying that I was accepted by my current university, I was so delighted! I couldn't imagine what I would be if I was not accepted. For your information, I only applied to one university. I had the whole world of time to apply for different universities, but I chose to apply for one. Yes, that's me. The silly one who risked herself to worry.

So, here's a quick update. I'm studying a business degree. It's a fun degree I guess. From the course outline, I find it interesting and a bit professional. I like it very much. X

Why a fashion designer?

Things are getting more interesting in my life. 

It's only the third day of the year, I have already written two blog posts. I don't know how I will continue this blog. The plan of closing down is blog is in my head. I have allocated too much time on writing blog instead of doing other stuff. Is writing this blog a waste of time?

I find myself loving the feeling of reading. Reading makes me rethink about myself. It's a really exhausting non physical activity. If a person constantly reads, she might not be able to live a life. I'm currently into this type of situation. I find it easier to just immerse myself into the world of words instead of the world of humans. Is that an obsession? Obsession can lead to a serious problem. People might not pay attention to other things any more. What they do will be plainly focusing on what they obsessed with. Yes, in my condition, I think it's too pitiful for me to be obsessed with things like that.

***

Tell you a little testimony. It's a testimony of God shaping my character and my mind. You might find it a bit ridiculous, but bear with this testimony.

People who know me since I was young know that I have this little dream, which is becoming a fashion designer. It's easier to say than to be. As all of us know that fashion designer means to be popular, even more popular than the models. Popularity was what I looked for. No one knew that was my only purpose of being a fashion designer. Like other teens, I opted to have a prosperous life. A life that shines. I wanted a life like Taylor Swift who has her own shoes product line, I wanted a life like Gisele Bunche who engages with many brands and eventually comes out with her own shoe line too. I want to be like Coco Channel who changed the whole fashion industry until today. I wanted to be famous. I wanted the world knew about my name. 

I won't.

I was struggling with my parents when we discussed about my carrier path. They strongly disagreed with it. I knew why, but I stood still on my own position. 

That was when I knew how important my parents have been in my life. A life without them is a life that I can't even imagine. It would be totally a mess, a mess that I couldn't even think about it. 

I didn't change my ambition immediately. I stopped caring about it. And here comes my life path to a very 'business' one. I'm not sure is this a correct one, but I once told myself that I would do everything that's favourable in God. 

I stop seeking for popularity.
X

New Day

Humans always live in regrets. 

I often give myself a remark on what and how I have done. It's true that I keep on watching myself making mistakes, being silly. I have lots of thoughts that I want to share. I always think out loud. 

I asked myself, what's my new year resolution? I find myself being lazy to even think about one or two. After all, I have experienced lots of comments that I have given to myself. I know that correcting or giving myself a new year resolution are never enough to even make me become a better person. A new year resolution? I would say yes, everyday resolution is better. 

How much time does all of us spend on doing things that we are not supposed to do? How much time do we actually care about people around us? How much time do we use to love ourselves? Are we spending too much time on loving ourselves instead of the others? 

What's your new year resolution?

***

I got myself a new hair cut last Sunday. I found it very funny, I literally laughed at myself in front of the mirror. What could be worse than having a bad hair cut? Feeling good about myself is even worse, I would say. I reflect to myself. I find myself being too boastful about how I look or even what I'm studying. Things that I have done have not been better after all! It's always not too late to realise I'm not perfect, I'm very weak. 

I have these thoughts are all because of my results. My results was out 3 days ago. I was astonished by it! I never thought I would get such results. It was below my expectation. I didn't cry about it, but I thank God that at least everything I did last year was blessings from God. I thank God. 

I didn't pay much attention to my studies last year. I promise myself to use my time wisely this year. Perhaps, I should start today. Things might get better. 

I have lots of new year a.k.a. everyday resolutions. I wrote down in a list of an A4 paper. Those things are pretty pressuring. I have to get those things done and I have to keep in mind of all of them! I have one bible verse as my 2016 year's topic. I'm going to live with this verse for the whole year. Dissecting the list that I have written, I have every resolution with a verse. The resolution is not like what I used to write. This time, I get a more flexible and abstract one for myself. 

I don't know if anyone would read my blog. I strongly recommend you to really start every day like how you start every year. The enthusiasm and sophisticated feelings should always be in everyday! 

Let's live every day to the fullest!