Sunday, March 29, 2015

Figure out.

The smell of chocolate, is fragrant and lovely.




I'm just unsure about what I'm feeling right now. There are too much to say and share. Ups and downs don't bother me sometimes, but they bother my parents.

Lately I've been thinking about how unpleasant that stereotype has brought up to everyone of us. This week, I've encountered like few issues, or you can say they were stories, about stereotyping. Well, this stereotyping is something that we have to avoid. Well, actually it is not that much of stereotyping, but it's like judge the book by its cover issue.

There are many simple examples that I would like to tell you guys about. And these happened to me in real life. For example, the coin, the black and old coin. This story happened when I was in my account lesson during the week. Because all of us were supposed to pay 30 cents to my friend who was in charged of the printing. So, I took out coints. And I saw a black and dark coin in my purse. Compared to the others coins in the purse, which are shinny and silverly, I doubted to take the black one out. The coins were all 20 cents, but instead of following my mind to take the shinny ones out, I took the out of colour's, because I felt like doing it. Guess what happened next? My friend received it. And then because there were some of them who gave 50 cents and needed 20 cents change, my friend gave him/ her my out of colour and dull 20 cent coin. And yea, I heard someone asking why was the coin black in colour, and my friend said it was from Elisa.

It was a simple incident happened during my account lesson. I got myself shocked, because I  thought I had not this stereotyping thing in myself, yet, I was the first one having the WHY IS THIS COIN BLACK IN COLOUR? WILL IT SERVE AS 20 CENTS AS WELL?

Colour isn't a problem, we know. The coins have the same value, they are all 20 cents, No one cares if they have made their stereotyping on this little coin, thinking that it might not worth 20 cents, but it's 20 cents! It will not due to the change in its outer appearance to change the value of itself.

Humans are unique. Everyone has the same value. We can't judge a person by what he or she is wearing and considering to make or not to make friend with him/ her. And that's what I'm quite upset about. Because through money, people judge.

We shall put ourselves down. See what the world has.

X

Friday, March 20, 2015

I asked,

Reality kills.


It's always a barely breathing story.


I could still remember my dream ambitions 2 years ago. I dreamt to be fashion designer. I thought it would come through, though I had taken lots of brochure about institute that offers this course. I thought I would really be one, wearing hipsters and funky everyday, drawing and being creative with arts. It's really impossible for me, a person who doesn't have nice clothing, to even dream to be a fashion blogger or whatsoever.

I know, it was unreal, it is unreal.

I had this short conversation with my classmate who always appears to be sad. I asked about her ambition and her dream job. Well, her dream job doesn't really make a shock to me, because she said she passionates in drawing. However, indeed of dreaming such an unrealistic ambition, she said she wanted to be an accountant, because of job demanding.

 I used to have many dreams. I wanted to be a model, of which I would never be one, because I'm too short. I wanted to be a politician, who could make a change for my beloved Malaysia, but it turned out to like catching fire. Well, even a piano teacher. And I know, there's no way for me to be one of them, because I'm to weak and helpless.

I frequently ask myself, the reason of me switching from science stream to commerce stream. I asked. And my answer is always a silence. I don't even know how to answer it.

Because I'm starting from 0. I'm starting from nothing.

Unlike my sister, she continues doing her science and maths. At least, she has the foundation. But, I can't find any of mine. I don't have a foundation of commerce. I'm seeking a foundation which hopefully will have my name on it. But, no. Nothing.

I thought, studying what I'm studying right now, is a start for me to be involved in designing, interacting, and many sorts of ideal stuffs. But I'm wrong.

X

Sunday, March 15, 2015

If I die young

Such a hectic life.

I just had my birthday over on the Thursday.


Last day? 

I often ask myself whether tomorrow is my last day of life. Well, it sounds so incredible yet real. It is a real and solid question that we shall ask ourselves constantly so to make today or tomorrow more useful. Because knowing you only have limited time to do something will make yourself treasure the very last minute you have.

But I'm still alive.

I once prayed to God that, let me stay alive at least till 18 years old, The reason behind this is I want to go through different school / learning level. I did this naive prayer when I was 14, if I'm not mistaken. I find this prayer becomes something that's really real and serious.

I went to college on my birthday this year. Compared to last few years, primary and high school had holidays on that day. Well, I don't mind studying on that day, since Birthday to me isn't really a big deal to me. Though, I'd never felt like this before.

I received lots of wishes from my classmates. They are awesome. Some of them even took photos of me, well, for what?

This little thought came to my mind, what if this was my last birthday? Would I leave the best memory to my friends?

There are birth and death. They are the beginning and the end of our lives. However, the later ones seems scarier. There are time duration in between of them. What shall we do, to live life to the fullest?

Those were my birthday thoughts. I was so grateful that my friends and classmates made an effort to wish me, because open your mouth to say something out is quite hard if you don't feel like doing it. And also Shi Ying who presented me a cutie ladybird which I later ate it before my dinner. I was so cruel.

I appreciate my facebook friends who wished me and those who wished me on whatsapp. My maybe-last birthday will never be so great and " grand" without you guys. Also, my lovely lecturers who I didn't think they know my birthday but they knew. I would never be so happy, without you guys. And those who sang Birthday songS to me. Life is never dull with music.

***

This year is not a dull year, because I realise everyday might me the last day of my life. 
I wish to make people remember that, love is an affection. 


Best connector, eva!


Life is never happy and grateful without love.
I thank God for everything. I thank God for you guys reading my blog.

X

Sunday, March 8, 2015

Thirst : Quench

I thank God for everything he has or hasn't given to me.


We come in different backgrounds, experiences, thinking and circumstances.

I grouped myself as a silly and blessed person. The reason of this is that, I always feel helpless during every bit piece of time in studies and also in communication. However, there are always people who are willing to calm me down, who tell me everything is okay. That's how great, I see, the Lord has done to me, and also people around me.

I really wanna apologize if I bring any boredom to you, while you're reading my blog post. Because, I'm taking you to view thing sociologically ( okay, that sounds too serious ).

Through communication, the excitement of talking about topics like desires, social media, hobbies is always greater than that of studies or perhaps, religion. Take it seriously, what we talk about is what we think about. Through communication, we share our little piece of thoughts, and well, the conversation continues as the other party or parties resonate with your thoughts. That's so cool. It's really cool. Because most human can only communicate with human. And through the aid of gestures and languages, we successfully make the thoughts of ours, implant into the other party or parties brains.

***

I guess I've never been this happy before. Well, especially being in my church youth. They are the lovely group, of which, you'll want to hug them when you see them. I still remember how rebellious I was when I was still a kid. I refused to go to church because I thought all those people were nonsense. And I used to think that there were thousands of stupid rules of which I should obey in church.

Now, I'm spending more than 6 hours in church every week, having fellowship and stuff like that.


A 180 degree change of me.



I guess, that's how God has shown his wisdom throughout my life ( though I know I'm a bit too silly sometimes ).

And we shall continue to have thirst in God's words.

X

Sunday, March 1, 2015

Shared love

I'm tempted by the food.


Joy shall be shared upon everyone // Everyone can sit on that bench


Lately I've been in a really silly mood. In fact you don't know what I mean, I've got an example for you.

I felt fat and unsecured at once in my high school time, it was terrible and took long time to recover from that. And now, I'm actually suffering because I feel fat again and unsecured is one of the mainstream that I'll probably go through again if I'm not cautious enough. Well, that's what I mean by silly.

Let's look into this serious yet silly issue.

Most of the people get attracted to people who are unique, or perhaps, nice body shapes or pretty faces. This is not a sin because that's a way of human showing appreciation towards God's creation. There are these things called body ratio and facial ratio. These ratios are actually the standard of closeness to perfection. In fact you don't know, mathematics plays a big role in it. ( That's why sometimes I'm so frustrated about Maths! )

Therefore, most of the people in the world find that models have the perfect body shapes. Because their bodies have that light and fast meaning. I mean, you'll feel like they can jump very high up and run fast. Well, significantly, that type of body shape, reflects the people nowadays. People like to get things done faster ( or you can say they want faster internet speed ) but less stressful ( in terms of stress load ).

It's kind of amazing plus pitiful that human are always judgmental in some ways. I mean, you have a pretty face doesn't mean you are good in communication or whatsoever or else, you're ugly so please stay inside your room and never step out of the door. Is it the case?

Many times, we wish to see good arts. Just take Instagram as an example. You'll not really follow an account that has not nice photos. You'll rather follow some accounts of which photos are taken by an DSLR or photos which are all about portraits. Yes. We wish to have everything in perfect. Therefore, those who are ugly should stay in their rooms and never show their faces to me! Do you think like that?

Meanwhile, when  you're eliminating all those bad and ugly stuffs out of your vision, I suggest you to look into the mirror. Look at yourself and ask yourself, are you good enough? Can you live alone in the world? I guess the second question you're gonna answer No. Because we are all equal. There is no difference in priority for every human. We are human, we need love, we need to share, we need to accept and we need God.

***

I'm really happy and in the mean time, I feel unreal. Really unreal. 

I go to my church and have fellowship. My brothers and sisters in Christ are too lovely and friendly. They are helpful as well. I've never thought of being helped by others before. I'm serious. I look back to what I experienced during my high school time, I was a kid who was overwhelmed with hatred and loneliness. Nearly no one showed their kindness to me. And now, I'm feeling as if I've gone to Mars or somewhere else, because people are too good and kind. All I could do is to say thank ya to them. In my heart, I wish to help them or maybe hug them. Because they are too good. And, I'm not worth to be helped. Because I've done nothing.

Through them, I see how God's love has shined in their life.
Through them, I see how God has loved me.
Through them, I see how great God is. 

X