Sunday, March 30, 2014

Pressure

Today is the second last day of March and the first day of the week. I'm really lazy right now, because I don't feel like doing my homework that I need to pass up tomorrow. It's a shame of me because I fail doing any things. I'm such a bad bad student. I'm not supposing my SPM will get a good grade. However, I'll try my best to get rid of the laziness in my body and screw with the 10 subjects I'm having in school and 2 music courses ( which cause my time is use up all the way ( time management is bad )).

I've been really lazy throughout the week. I didn't do much revision. I watched television. This is a typical me life style. I'm such a horrible person. So, don't ever think that I'm amazing or what else or I'm smart or dull.( Yea, I'm a dull ).

I was sick yesterday afternoon and night. I was like no energy and having fever. Amazingly, today I'm OK. Thanks God for this! Yeah, and I finally got my shoes washed. You may be thinking I'm a last minute person, I'm gonna tell you, YES. And soon will not. ( HOPEFULLY)

Well, I locked my facebook account and my instagram. I feel like I've spent to much time doing something nonsense. And I did it. (Y)

I'm stressed out recently. I gave myself pressure all the time. Here, I would like to mention that I'm a perfectionist. I can't stand something that aren't good enough. I don't mean people, but things that can be done better but I didn't make it / couldn't make it. I've always been wondering about how can people excel so well in their studies, sports or music or socialising. Due to the fact that I'm not good in those fields, I am stressed out and pressured myself to do such things.

I hope today is gonna be productive as my brother and sister are having their meetings with friends. I'm the only one who is free right now.

So, yea. One should always surrender things to God. I'll surrender my pressure to Him.

One of the things that I screw up with.
Especially the part that my left palm feels like being tortured. 

Chinese book which I bought yesterday. 
I felt in love with the cover because it is rose. 
And this book is the writing of the winner of the competition in Malaysia. 

This is another Chinese book that I bought yesterday at RM 30.00
The writer is from China. 




Thanks for reading my post,

Elisa Jean.
30.3.2014
Sunday
1:55 p.m

Friday, March 28, 2014

A Little Love

Hi there! I wanna to share with you something. It was meaningful.

Yesterday, I went to my guitar center for obviously learn how to play guitar. At this stage, my skill is just terrible and I'm just an amateur. I've not told the "public" that I've started learning it because I'm scared that people will discourage me. You know, I'm always discouraged by people. That's a weird feeling. 

Anyway, as usual, I walk there with my mum. I pity my mum a lot because she is the one who always sends me here and there. I don't want to trouble my mum in this way. 

Just as we closed our house's gate, it started raining. It was a heavy one. Therefore, I prayed that it would stop or not to be a heavy one, because my guitar will be wet and unusable. Thanks God that the traffic was good as we directly crossed the first road and waited to cross the second road. While waiting the rain didn't show its favor to rain heavier. Then, not more than 1 minute, we crossed both the road. Thanks God.

Oh wait. I forget to mention we brought an umbrella which was useful too. You know, my clothes didn't have the rain patches which is embarrassing. 

I had my lesson. Because I arrived earlier, I had 5 minutes time alone in the room. I prayed that the people there get influenced by Christians so that they have eternal life. And may bless them.

This was a really great experience. Before you have your lesson, you pray that the lesson will go smoothly. With this, I didn't feel scared or nervous all the way throughout the lesson. Learning is fun, peeps!

The lesson ended. I felt nothing because I was peaceful in mind. HAHA. Then my teacher and his ' wife ' ( I don't know who is the lady besides she is the owner of the center, but it looks like she is my teacher's wife. ) decided not to let me wait outside but inside the counter there. I wasn't pleased because I didn't like troubling others. And I told them I could wait outside until my mum was here. They said no. They wanted me to call my mum. I was like a helpless kid, but obviously not because I felt like I'm the oldest among the students. However, learning is fun!

I told them I didn't like troubling my mum and told them that I'd take care of my guitar ( not to let it get rained ). They finally said OKAY. Then I proceed to outside. 

Outside, it was raining heavily. I couldn't bear it. I stood outside the bakery shop. Inside the bakery shop, I saw two men ( the assistants of the shop ) looking outside helplessly. I felt that they were waiting for business, or perhaps a woman or kid buying the cheapest bread in their shop. Thanks God for the shelter of the bakery shop, my guitar didn't get wet, and I didn't. 

While waiting for the presence of my mum, I watched the rain drops. They were vigorous. It was more vigorous if the wind presented. I was thinking that God actually help us in the way when we were strong or whatever, He makes us stronger. And the love is enough.

I really thank God for the teachers I have and my parents. They show their love in different ways but yet, I still can feel a little of them. I'm a naughty girl and rebellious one. Thanks the teachers' patient and their cares on me. 

Thanks for reading my blog. 



Elisa Jean X
8:15 a.m
28.03.2014
Friday

 

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Stop : Continue...

Today will be over and tomorrow will be the today. Hi guys! I'm Elisa Jean here! ( Obviously...)

Lately, I've been discovering something new ( to me). And I flashed back my past and found that I was a terrible kid when I was young. The insecurity in me and the low- self esteem I had, you'll never know how that has hurt a kid like me (was, I'm no longer young, but old).

In fact you are curious about the life I had before moving with my family to here, where I've been living for 7 years, here is the lame true story.

Well, I don't like writing my history nor talking about it, because that makes me feel like I'm 70+ but I'm only 17. That's not cool, but I wanna share with you ( the insecurity part, and how I've learnt to not to be one ).

When I was 11, things went perfectly well. My class teacher loved me and my sister so much that she always gave more attention to us, which made me felt like she was unfair to the others. My classmates were all fine and good, but I was always insulted because of my names and all that. This made me felt like I was a super noob and dull person. You know, that's why instead of putting my name Elisa Pau, I use Elisa Jean. That sounds better.

Anyway, calling me anything wasn't the worst I'd experienced. The worst was that I was laughed because my results were not as good as my sister. ( FYI: my sister is hardworking and smart in her way, everyone is unique, why can't I be the stupid one? but people were comparing both of us. ) I didn't like that feeling. Until the day I got my UPSR results, I cried and felt sad about it.

Though I had got a really bad result, I  still got the chance to study with my sister in the same class. Form1 in my high school was a mess. There was once I promised myself not to involve in any school activities as I said I didn't like the school. However, it turned out I participated in running, marching, clubS meetingS and etc. You see, people change. I change, you change. That's the fact.

My Form 1 results weren't good as my history subject nearly failed. After the last term of Form 1 experiencing the nearly fail in History subject, the next year I made History textbook on my hands nearly every day in school. The important thing was that not to fail it. Because failing is a shame of mine.

Form 1 I was a cheerful and naughty girl, Form 2 I was a noob and dull girl. The transformation have began since Form 2. The truth was that I didn't believe in anyone anymore, especially friends. All I had was Emily as my friend. You are right she is my sister.

Well, I think that I was stupid and really crazy in the way that results and what others are saying were the most important. The question is that DO YOU NEED TO DO THINGS TO MAKE OTHERS FEEL YOU ARE LOYAL TO THEM?

Seriously, my case was that I made people around me as my GODS. ( Oh dear how can I do that? ) Or made myself as who I had faith in. That's why I was weak and had no strength.

Now, what people have done to me, I forgave. Because everyone was once a child, a shameless child. So, yea. Now, I believe that my friends will not tell lie to me because I believe that they are good.

Still, life has to be continue. Stop here to write about a little of my history makes me feel weird and tired, because I'm feeling old. Super old.

Let's continue our lives with joy, love and faith.

Short because God gives me this height. 
That's why everyone is unique.
With the unfashionable clothes and hairstyle, I'm Elisa Jean. 


Thanks for reading,
Elisa Jean,
7:45 a.m,
25/03/2014
Tuesday.

Friday, March 21, 2014

Art

Hi guys! I'm happy right now because I just finished my English tuition homework. ( For your information, I'm having my tuition this evening, so I just did my last minute work. )

I decide to post this post now because I feel like writing something and feel like sharing to you. Yea, you, my reader. I'll probably tell you about the life I'm having right now, though I don't really like expose myself to the internet too much.

I have just realized how big that the fear I've had had eaten my faith in God. ( You must be thinking why God again? ) You know, when you are doing something without faith and confidence, I tell you, you can't do it well. I'm right here and this is the true statement that I've discovered. THE ONLY ENEMY IS FEAR. Okay, this sentence is quoted from the Frozen, when Elsa was facing problem with her super natural power. And the only thing disturb her is that she has fear.

Well, after having many lessons with my piano and guitar teachers, I found that art is a thing that present your personally and present feeling. I'm quite sure that both of my teachers know me very well ( even more than my mom does ). Because they always hear what I play and how I express it with the piano and the guitar. So, if you get a chance to listen your friend play any musical instruments, you will know well about his personally feeling.

I'm always searching people who are interested in arts. Because in my society, there aren't many of them who are really into art ( I don't mean that I'm very into art, yea sometime I do ).

It's a really bad thing when I was told that my skills can be improved but the feeling that I have when I play the musical instruments can't. Which means I will stop at there if I refuse to take the fear out of my mind. FEAR. I know you are slowly get out of my mind and my body. Because I've my father God who is always in my mind more than you do!!

Seriously, I hope the day when I'm no more afraid will come very soon. Because the fear is disturbing me like I can't concentrate and can't do things well. I'm sure there is one day when I ( with my God together ) can overcome it and stay strong in this way.

Thanks for reading my blog again because I know every post that I've posted is not very interesting but yet I expressed them with the fear I'm having, I was having, I had been having and I had.

Elisa Jean X
21.03.2014
4:50 p.m

The confident person that I've met before. 

Monday, March 17, 2014

Week

Hi there. Hmm... There are too many things happened last week. I'm sort of lazy for the whole week. You know, laying on my bed and empty my brain. That's bad, if you are a kid, and you are reading this, please note that you are not required to learn from me!

I've just finished practising my piano. I was stressed out once ( last year ) while playing piano. Last year was like totally a mess but I learnt many things and this made me feel like I'm loved.

Okay, besides talking about the past ( which I don't really like, because I feel like I'm a grandmother ), I actually look forward to the things that are gonna happened. For example, launching rocket ( the small rocket which  you can easily make it by using bottles and all that, ya, you know... ) on this Wednesday with my teammates. I don't like doing group work but I end up being a part of the team. And, I feel like I'm the weakest there. Nevermind, what I can do, I'll do my best.

Yea. Recently, there is a motto which push me to do things well. This motto is super powerful. It was my last minute motto but after the first exam of this year, it turns out to be my study motto. The motto is Harvard motto. I don't really know how to  rephrase it to be a cool and pro sentence - Every second that you use to succeed something is very important, even though until the thing you have been doing nearly comes to an end. So, before exam, I held tight to this motto. I was thinking that even though there is still one minute left, I'll try my best to read and study the thing. And don't ever look down on the last minute. If you use the last minute wisely, the opportunity you can score A is higher. Haha, what a lame last minute motto. Emily actually named the motto as E.L.M.M - aka Elisa Last Minute Motto.

So, yea. My results neither bad enough nor good enough. Still, I have to study instead of online. Headache.

Woh, and this week my heart nearly breaks again. My guitar string broke. Read carefully, MY GUITAR STRING BROKE. It is not broken, but it broke. Got it? Yea. Kind of sad sad feeling I have now.

My daily life now is very colourful. I feel that there is always a road for me to walk although I'm a bit old and lack of energy.

Till I blog again.
Thanks for reading this post.

p.s I've just finished reading a book :D Yay!

Elisa Jean
5.55 p.m
17.03.14

Monday, March 10, 2014

Bridge

Hey guys! It's so strange that I post a blog post on Monday. Hmm... I feel like writing something because I've learnt something.

Yesterday, I went to church. It's been a grace from God that I've the opportunities to go to church and learn God's words. In church, we study about God's words ( I've mentioned ) and that really makes me feel like I've much more to learn. Besides, I really love transforming myself from a bad person to a good person. ( I don't mean I love being a bad person ).

Besides that, I love my friends in church. I'm really touched by their friendliness. They are really my brothers and sisters in Christ. Well, yesterday, I really think about how God has placed me. He plans my life and let me to choose what I want. That's the grace of God.

After the meeting yesterday, I really think about how easy can a person's life be. Suddenly while aboarding in an airplane, you can suddenly disappear. Sad case. Really, we need to pray for them.

Well, special things about last week was that I had a photo shooting section with Emily, my sister. Well, my attire was my school uniform. This year will be my last year wearing the uniform. To be honest, I like think the design isn't very nice but still Okay to wear it.

Here is some photos...
Don't laugh if you think I look stupid and weird.





The tone of the photos was sorrowful and the feeling was like you were in a hardship and had the difficulty of coping it by yourself. 

I actually understand that everyone has got his own talent and his own very special power. It's just that some of us tend to discover it later or earlier. 

So, that's why God is fair and square. 


Feel the love from my church friends. Therefore, I drew this. 
Love and the vessels. 


Till I blog again. :D

Elisa Jean 
8:45 p.m 
10.03.14




Thursday, March 6, 2014

Hey Presidents!

HI there!

I'm happy right now. Super happy. The feeling is nice. I wanna to post a blog post on the past Tuesday, but I didn't make it because I was too busy with my studies. Well, having tests for the past two days, today I finally can release my deep deep breathe.

I'm thankful about my life. You know, being a high school student has got a lot of freedom as well as responsibility. This is my last year in high school, but I choose to do something special.

Involving school activities was my Form 4 life. I tell you that the life was horrible but I've learnt many things. Especially when you are a committee of a club, uniform or society. I was a committee of Nature Club. I thought I could sit there and do nothing. Who knew, I was in the TrEES group. No choice, I had to do my part.

To be honest, I didn't do anything much last year for the TrEES. I was like staring my teammates doing the works. And I was the one who talked a lot and complained about this and that. I didn't want to elaborate much on how lazy I was, so yea...

There is one thing that I must state now. It is the politics of the committees. I don't know whether this thing has happened in any other clubs before. But I'm sure I've been through this politics.

Many of my friends asked me why I wanted to quit my club and my uniform. I just wanna stay in a peace and happy environment. Seriously, I don't want to know how people cheat the others. Like really. I'm so sad about that. They play tricks and you don't even know. And you will never know. They can tell teacher bad things about you and teachers start not liking you. Or they can even form their own group and leave you out. And the saddest thing is that you'll never know who you can trust. One day, your friends will leave you because they want something. One day, your friends will fight something with you because they wanna to be the president? I don't know. ( This is all what I think okay? )

I don't know how the presidents of the co-curriculum survive in their co-curriculum. I'm fed up of being a committee. Listening to people talk back people, I'm kind of fed up and wanna to close myself in a room and tell myself the world is as wonderful as what we watch in the Disney's movies. And, I just wanna cry.

I'm enough of these. They are fighting and fighting. Why is the world like that? ( This is also what I think. It may not be real )

So, yea! After a year of involving in these, I've learnt a lot of things. I finally found that actually God wants me to know how to behave well and be His lovely child. The only way to success is to by hardworking and be righteous. Righteous.

I read about Proverbs on January 2014. I finally understood that I should behave well but not planning tricks to let people be in a difficult situation. This is how I should behave. Therefore, I start controlling myself not to be a hypocrite. Dear Lord, help me!

This year I'm not suffering about no time studying but I'm wasting my time... So, I really thank God about that. He let me have my choice. God's grace is always enough for me and for you too!

Thanks for reading my post.
I know it is a little bit sad and sad and sad, but please don't be too sad.
This is all my opinion and I'm not talking bad about people. This is just my thinking and my imagination.
If you think I'm wrong, please leave comments.
If you think I'm right, please leave comments too.

Elisa Jean
6.3.14
2.15 p.m